catch up

There’s a line in The Simpsons where Homer is telling someone not to quit. He said “You don’t quit. You just do your job half-assed. THAT'S the american way.” I wouldn’t say I’m a quitter but I would rather just not do something than do it half-assed. Lately my posts have been about food and I’ve been putting off writing. When I do write, it’s out of obligation and I’m not really inspired. And there are only so many interesting ways to photograph your supper.

So, from now on, my posts won’t be daily. I still plan on doing one new thing every day but it won’t always be something I write about. On days I didn’t post, just assume that I had something new for a meal.

the day

It's the holiday that never ends. More new faces today. I think that the best part about the holidays is realizing how nice normal days are.

the eve

Today, I met new friends of friends as I latched onto my friends' family for holiday fullfillment. My misanthropy and anti-social behavioral patterns tend to keep me away from parties, especially when I’m the odd man out. However, it was comforting today being around people who feel like family.

dancing queen

Today, I led 30-35 of my participants in doing the macarena. And I got paid for it! Just when I thought I couldn't love my job any more...

three meetings and a little crazy

My day was supposed to be easy but at the last minute, it got difficult. A county case manager who is difficult to deal with called a meeting at a group home which is also my most difficult home. Also, my co-worker injured her wrist so I had to sit through my client's meeting there and then I had to sit through her client's meeting. Then she ended up giving another co-worker the wrong time for his meeting so I had to sit through the first half of his meeting too. After three meetings with an obnoxious case manager and two annoying home providers, I was ready to go a little nuts myself. I've never even sat through two of these meetings in a row so three was asking a lot out of me. Still, it was way better than most days at any other job I've had.

suit up

I can get snazzy when I want to. Today, one of my participants was being recognized as Worker of the Quarter so I had to bring him to a board meeting. I had heard we had a board room at work but I didn't even know where it was. Damn, it is NICE! Walking in, I started to question how we can call ourselves a non-profit but then they showed a compilation of news stories about the company and we came off very charitable. But for a 501 C3 charitable organization, they can get pretty snazzy too when they want.

wrapping it up

I've always thought that most guys are 'fronting' when they say they hate shopping. It's like when they say 'I don't dance,' or 'Steel Magnolias sucks.' Deep down, they're just afraid of denting their masculine armor.

I used to enjoy shopping a lot. I never liked spending money but I always enjoyed looking. I hate capitalism and all but I will window-shop til my feet can't take it anymore. I hate big box stores and big chains which carry the same crap in the same display in strip malls across the country. Give me a unique shop, preferably thrift, anyday.

Today, I finished up my Christmas shopping. I decided to go car-free and walk Dean to Hawthorne and hit four or five shops there. He's never done that with me before and I think it took a lot out of him. I had to buy him a slice of pizza afterwards. Lazy males.

200

It's my 200th post so I'm taking day off.

top shelf

One of my fondest memories from Europe was sitting upstairs in Lenin’s kitchen with him, a good book and a bottle of Amaretto. Amaretto is my favorite. Therefore, I try not to drink it too much so I won’t get sick of it. Yet, that memory is so calming to me that I needed to buy a bottle today.

I bought it while Dean and I were on a walk today up Woodstock doing our Christmas shopping. I almost always go for the cheapest liquor whenever I buy it which isn’t too often. But today felt special. Maybe I was just in the spirit(s) but I wanted something nicer. I brought it home and shared it with the house. It soothed me like I knew it would. I think those things are important to realize and remember. We all need to know how to spell r-e-l-i-e-f.

a few of my favorite things

Today, I went to a co-worker’s wine, cheese and chocolate party. I haven’t been to Jennifer’s house before but my spidey senses don’t go off around her so I was willing to get a shot. Plus there hardly a quicker way to get me to a place than tempting me with wine, chocolate and cheese. Throw some bumbling puppies in there and I would never leave!

appreciation dinner

We had our second holiday dinner today for work. It's technically an "appreciation dinner" and it's just a coincidence that we have it before Christmas and exchange gifts.

Anyway, it was my first dinner with Long Term Services department at work (which is my department's name). We are grouped with the Job Connection department a lot because we have the same director. Today, I got to meet a lot of the Job Connections people because my boss insisted on assigned seating so we would mingle.

It sucked slightly because I had to sit by some rather annoying people instead of my friends. I did enjoy getting to meet a few of them and getting to know others better but there were other people I would have never sat by and I will never sit by again hopefully. One lady wouldn't stop talking about how annoyed she is when people don't eat with the right fork. Sigh. She also made some slightly sexist/homophobic remark because another guy remarked on how he liked a vase. She's one of those acquaintances that will be forgot come New Year.

it's beginning to look a lot like...

It's late fall. The weather doesn't feel like it's a few short weeks until Christmas but at work it is starting to.

We had our Christmas dinner at my job site today. We'll have three big work Christmas dinners before the end of the year. This was our first one where everyone that works in the administrative offices attends, not just the disabled and their job coaches.

It was very similar to the Thanksgiving dinner but it was a little dressier. There was a harp player and a baby grand in the cafeteria.

I like this time of year because everything is so festive. Work is kind of secondary to being in the holiday spirit.

the Y.W.C.A.

Today I took a client to tour the YWCA for the first time. If it's the YWCA, can you still do whatever you feel? We didn't see a place to get yourself clean or have a good meal and the receptionist wouldn't let us do whatever we feel (including take a picture).

santa secrecy

At work, we are doing the Secret Santa thing. I don't know how this became a tradition in workplaces. Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just the jobs that I've held that do it. Anyway, usually I think it sucks. You end up getting someone you don't know very well something relatively lame and get something lame in exchange from someone who doesn't know a thing about you. However, this year it's working for me.

We made lists of what things we would like or what are interests are and we picked up those after we drew names. It makes it a lot easier. We are supposed to give a little something each week until the big reveal shortly before Christmas. It will end up being six weekly gift and then one "bigger" one. But the person who's my Santa has gone above and beyond. So far, I've gotten a nice coffee mug, two non-cheap dog toys, a pair of gloves, $5 gift certificate for the work cafeteria, too much candy, a santa hat (pictured above), a flashlight, multiple spices (oregano, basil, bay leaves, all-spice, cinnamon, red pepper, paprika, etc), six high end kitchen utensils that were probably bought at Linens and things, a santa ornament, a peppermint stick and a fudge mix kit. I think it's my boss because she loves Christmas and would be the person to go above and beyond. I'm pretending like I don't know though because I'm pretty sure she would like to keep it a mystery for now.

Anyway, for my new thing today, I made fudge. I ground up the peppermint stick and threw it in there too. It ended up being really really good even though I wasn't supposed to (it used marshmellows) but hey, it was free and tis the season and all.

taken for granted

Movies don't normally count as new things. Truth be told, I think I missed my actual "new thing" today unless I would count taking a slightly different path to my stores today. But I'd much rather talk about the movie.

I downloaded and watched "Small Town Gay Bar" today. It's a documentary about a gay bar in northeast Mississippi. They talk about how rare and amazing it is that there is a gay bar in a town with a population of around 1000 people in the bible belt. To me, it's flabbergasting. I went to college in a town with a population just under 25,000. There was rumor that there was a "gay bar" operated out of a residence but that it rotated locations for fear of redneck retribution. People in this documentary talk about taking their life into their own hands by approaching this bar. I can totally understand that. It's not just amazing that there's a gay bar there. It's fucking brave.

The documentary made me think about how easy I have it here. I can go to the gay bars but I'm usually too poor to. However, I wouldn't fear for my life heading there. Also, I can sash-shay a little more at work if I'm in the mood and not feel the threat of a community turning against me. I think about how far I've come, where I'm at and where others are and I feel that I've been taking it all for granted.

I think I'm wear something a little more flashy to work tomorrow.

the kicker

I don’t understand taxes all that well. I know I have to pay them and I hate the fact that they are such a significant portion of my paycheck. I always use a tax program on-line to do my taxes every year. It’s super-easy so I don’t need to know a lot about it. I just need to be able to read the numbers off my W-4. As I said a couple of posts ago, economics was one of the classes in school that I got a D in.

Today, I got my first kicker check in the mail. They included a letter with it that said when the state of Oregon is over it’s expected revenue by more than 2%, they divvy up the excess. I still don’t get how they split it up or exactly how they’re over what budget but hey, I got a check for $372! That’s all I need to know. I cashed it quick-like just in case they decided they made a mistake.

a hard afternoon's work

This morning I woke up and had the urge to build something, anything. I couldn’t come up with anything easy and necessary around the house. Fortunately, Victory! always has a construction project going on somewhere so I was able to get my building fix in. Today, I helped build a greenhouse.

What’s cool about this place is that almost all of the materials were saved from being scrapped and, when it’s all said and done, it’s going to look pretty sharp. It’s on the side of a beautiful garden with a nice firepit and benches in the middle. We didn’t get it done but we got it to the point to where the end is in sight.

you bastards!

Aside from Riot Cop, the Eclectic Bastards are the band I've gone to see the most often. They're good friends and have a violent femmes/pixies/velvet underground sound that I really enjoy. Hell, I've gone to the middle of nowhere, Washington to see them. They're just good fun.
Tonight they played at a BARK benefit in Portland at Organics to You. It was my first time there. The location was decent but it was damn cold in the warehouse. Maybe that was intentional to get people to warm up by dancing.
(this was also my first time blurring out the pics to protect people's private parts. Nothing was exposed anyway in this pic but i decided to blur it anyway.)

me and my big pink tank

I wasn’t a great student in school but I did a little better than average for the most part. I only got three D’s for the quarter throughout my whole educational career. One was in economics (I didn’t do the checkbook balancing project), one was in religion (in catholic elementary school. My mom was pissed.) and the other was in driver’s ed. I have never professed to be a good driver. Before today, I could count seven accidents where there has been damage or vehicle-to-vehicle contact and each one of them have been my fault or a freak act of nature. Today, for the first time, I wasn’t at fault.

I was backing out of a parking space from one of my stores and a pickup decided to back out in a wide arc and hit my car’s ass. I jarred me a bit and he came over and apologized profusely. There was no damage to either vehicle and I felt fine so I said, “We’re cool,” and I got back in the car. I hate paperwork and since it happened while I was at work, it would involve even MORE paperwork if I decided to go there. I’m now convinced that my big pink tank is impenetrable. It may not get crap for gas mileage and my brakes/locks/trunk/turn signal/cigarette lighter/transmission may not work properly but it can take a lickin and keep on tickin.

Also, this is my third bad car thing in my series of three so I’m glad we all escaped it without a scratch.

i get paid for this?

It's been an unusually stressful week. Too many of my co-workers are out sick so I've been going above and beyond with covering their paperwork. However today I had a meeting at a client's house so I went there early to get away from the office.
When I got there, he was getting ready to go out back and smoke. I offered to join him and we sat on his back porch talking casually for 30 minutes while watching the squirrels run about the backyard. It was so calm and peaceful and I got paid for it. Hell yeah.

dreidel, dreidel *hic* dreidel

I like Hanukkah, especially the way my friends celebrate it. This wasn't the first time that I'd played drunken dreidel but it was the first time I wore a head-dressing at the reading of the Hanukkah miracle. I think that if I was raised Jewish, I'd find this as monotonous as the stations of the cross was for me as a kid. However, now it's all new and fun. Plus there's drinking games!

a good book gone bad

They say that you should never meet your heroes because they will only disappoint you. I've always found that to be true. I think the same applies to books you really like. Don't ever see the movie. I always do though and in one way or another, I am usually disappointed. The Lord of the Rings was good but the book was just a little bit better. Tonight, I saw the Golden Compass in an advance screening with a free ticket for the first time.

The line was huge and I expected to get turned away because we were FAR in the back. But much to my delight, we got in and got to sit next to each other. As far as the movie goes, I was expecting the same thing as LOTR. I thought the movie would be good with some literary liberties taken in the screenplay and I knew the book would be better. However, I was beyond pissed at the movie to the point where I yelled at the screen at the end.

The actors were marvelous and the scenery was beautiful. But they were both at the mercy of a lazy and forgetful screenplay writer and an overzealous editor. Oh the horror! They skipped SO much and then rearranged the order that the story was told in. Hell, they ended the movie several chapters before the end of the book!

I am almost done with the third book. I read a lot yesterday, trying to finish it before I saw the movie. However, now I'm glad that I still have a little of the book to read. I want the written word to be the lasting impression of that tale in my imagination.

taking comfort

It was a constant hard rain today. I think it's easiest to survive days like these if you just accept that you're not going out and if you do, you probably won't enjoy it. It puts off the cabin fever by making it feel like it's nothing your body could or should struggle against. Just relax and simmer down.

I started the day by adding one shot of peppermint schnapps to my coffee. No, I'm not an alcoholic. I just needed the caffeine to preemptively strike any up-and-coming caffeine-less headache but I really wanted to chill. It pretty much set my mood at mellow which I managed to maintain most of the day.

I did the food donation s and got a whole lot of mushrooms. When life hands you mushrooms, make soup. I've made canned soup before and boxed soup before but I've never made it from scratch. I found it odd that it was so damn easy and TASTY! It was also very fitting for the day though. I love a good soup day.

preparing for the dark

The weather in Portland is so mild and tedious that I welcome storms. However, I may be asking for more than I am prepared for. At least two typhoons are said to be colliding in the Pacific and we are supposed to feel the ramifications here in Portland. The paper yesterday said that it would be the first time that the city of Portland has ever had hurricane winds up to 100 mph. So we are getting ready.

Ashes and I went and bought lamp oil and candles today. I'm going to get food early tomorrow from our food donations and we will have plenty of firewood. Nothing will probably happen. Like I said, Portland's weather is annoyingly mundane, so much so that it will undoubtedly dull this storm down to a forceful breeze. I suppose I should be thankful, after growing up in the tornado belt but I would like something other than overcast and flat rain. Sigh.

confessions of a video store snob

Power is precious commodity and people tend to grasp what little power they have and flaunt it for all it's worth. As GI Joe taught us, knowledge is power. When I worked at a video store, I was pretty damn knowledgable and I loved that power.
When I worked at Hastings Book, Music and Video in Kearney, NE, I didn't have to watch a hell of a lot of movies to gain knowledge about them. I spent the majority of my waking day there and I would just absorb the knowledge like through osmosis. Watching the previews, reading the backs of boxes, talking to the customers and belittling and getting belittled by my co-workers (thank you Jessica) gave me most of my 'power.' When you hear enough people come in and ask for "that one movie with that one guy" or "I can't remember the name of the movie but it has this in it" and you're able to read their mind or run them into the ground, you gain a bit of an ego, as pathetic as it is.
Now that I am not one of the elite anymore, I can't stand the video snobs. Portland has one of the biggest independently owned video stores I've ever seen here, Movie Madness, but I won't go there because I cannot stand the employees and it is sometimes difficult to find a movie without asking them what category they put it in. Instead I go to Clinton Street Video where the people are all on qualudes. They are so low-key and will not flaunt their video store power unless you poke and prod them. The only problem with Clinton Street is the selection isn't the best around. It's good but there is better out there and I'm not just talking about the Madness.
Today, my new thing was going to and setting up an account at Videorama in Ladd's Addition. I've heard of the place from friends and it's on my walk home so I decided to check it out. Above is their selection of Gay and Lesbian films. It's a pretty nice assortment with some pretty rare titles. It beats the hell out of Blockbuster which lumps their seven G&L films under Alternative along with skating films and other non-mainstreams. Their documentary section was mouth-watering as well. I do feel like I've cheated on Clinton Street and I could easily see myself going back for more even though it's a little more expensive. The employee seemed really low-key and one of their employee picks section reminded me of what I would have selected, if I still had the power.

the kimchi experience

FROM WIKIPEDIA: “Kimchi is made of various vegetables and contains a high concentration of dietary fiber, while being low in calories. It also provides up to 80% of the daily required amount of ascorbic acid and carotene. Most types of kimchi contain common ingredients like onions, garlic and peppers all of which have well-known health benefits. The vegetables being made into kimchi also contribute to the overall nutritional value. Kimchi is rich in vitamin A, thiamine (B1), riboflavin (B2), calcium and iron, and contains a number of lactic acid bacteria. Kimchi has a reputation of being a healthy food. The US magazine Health named kimchi in its list of top five "World's Healthiest Foods" for being rich in vitamins, aiding digestion, and even possibly retarding cancer growth.”

There are 187 documented versions of kimchi. Today, I had one that tasted like sauerkraut and looked like beets. A friend of a friend who I worked out with today made it and brought it over the other day. It is said to have living enzymes in it which are said to be good for you. It weirds me out that there could be something living in there going down my gullet. But I’m always open for something new…yikes.

tip top type

There’s a client at my job who busies himself with a typewriter throughout most of his “work” day. However, when I was in Europe, his typewriter ribbon ran out. This hasn’t stopped him from typing though. He mostly likes the idea of pushing buttons and thinking that he’s making lists. After he’s done, he’ll give the paper to me and tell me what it says, even though it’s blank.

Today I went to a typewriter store (for the first time) and bought him five ribbons. What amazes me is that there is still a typewriter store around.

little rewards

Life is so much more enjoyable with small rewards. For me, it’s usually a mocha. If I have a hefty task in front of me, I start my day off with a mocha and get to it. Or if I’ve had a rough day, a strawberry margarita may be in order. Today I decided to reward myself for watching my spending with a beer and a haircut at the same place.

I’ve never gone to Bishops before because I couldn’t stomach the idea of paying $19 for a haircut. But like I said, today was a reward and I wanted something different. My haircut was slightly different as well, although no one can really tell. Hell, it barely looks like I got my hair cut. I didn’t want it too short because that’s what a good friend advised me on. So I kind of told the stylist to trim it a bit and let her handle the rest from there. I may have to reward myself with this more often. Hell, $19 isn’t SO bad when they give you two or more beers.

the rear ending

They say that bad things happen in threes so I’m nervous about what’s coming next. Today, I rear-ended somebody. I would love to say that this is a new thing for me…but it’s not. It’s happened once before when I was driving towards Clackamas on SE 82^nd. At a stoplight, the car next to me began to move and I was day-dreaming. I thought traffic was moving so I hit the gas and hit the car in front of me. It didn’t look like I did any damage to the car ahead of me but I followed them as they pulled into the right lane but then they cut across into the left lane suddenly and into a parking lot. I followed them and parked. I got out of my car to talk to them and they pulled away quickly. My guess is they didn’t have insurance. My car was fine so that was fine by me.

Today, I hydro-planed with my big Lincoln full of clothes on Grand near Broadway. I tried to stop but it was impossible. I smacked into the car ahead of me pretty good. We both pulled over into a Wendy’s parking lot and neither of us saw any damage so we agreed to forget about it. As we were talking in the parking lot, we saw another rear-ending. I think there may have been something wrong with the road. When we were driving back by it on MLK, I noticed that there were police lights there so there was probably another rear-ending. Crazy.

Anyhow, with my punctured tire and now this, I wonder what my next car mishap will be.

milwaukie's best

I don't think much of Portland's suburbs but Milwaukie is close by so Dean and I headed there early today for a walk around Elf Rock Island for the first time. It's a beautiful park and I love the fact that it is so close by. It's basically in Milwaukie, right off 99E but it still feels like an escape, especially with the sky being clear and the air crisp. I inhaled deep and I could feel the chill heading down my throat and into my chest. It was a beautiful way to start the day.

playing it straight

I noticed that whenever I go to work on my car, I put on my jean jacket. That may be because I don't want to get any of my other jackets dirty but it might also be because I want to look the part like a straight man. There aren't very many queer mechanics around. If there are, they don't have calendars of half-naked men hanging in their lobby. They keep it nice and quiet.
I think I'd pay twice as much for car repair if the mechanic was an out queer guy.

Earlier this week, a tire went flat on my car. I avoided driving until today when I had time to check it out. After filling it up a bit at home and then more at the gas station, I realized that there was a large nail sticking out of the sidewall. When I find the bastard that did this, I am going to b-word slap them to Christmas. But in the meantime, I had to get it fixed. As long as I didn't pull the nail out, it would hold air long enough to get me to the tire shop Ashes uses.

Before going, I checked my wardrobe. When I was there, I made sure not to pull out my phone or limp-wrist it. I normally HATE it when people assume that I'm straight but I didn't want to get taken advantage of (financially) so I played the part of an auntie tom and got it done. I've never experienced any homophobia from these guys when I've went there with Ashes but I was being cautious. If I knew more about cars, I could be a little less defensive but I don't. As it was, two of the guys there mumbled horribly, like Boomhauer mumbling. I had to look to a third guy to translate and then he spoke car lingo so I still didn't have any clue. I heard $25 and one of them showed me a decent looking tire so I said "That's good!" and I went and waited in the lobby, underneath a picture of Miss November in a bikini.

winding down

We watched the most delightful musical today. It's not for everyone but if you like offensive humor, fabulous musical numbers and mocking cautionary tales, you need to see Reefer Madness the musical.

I got it from the library and thought that I might watch it maybe. I tend to check out movies there that are mildly interesting to me but I don't always get around to watching them. Tonight, we were all in post-holiday wind-down. I was exhausted from not getting enough sleep and "working" today. We went to one day-after holiday dinner but didn't stay long so we came back home for some good campy fun.

At work, I did go out for Mexican food with my boss which I haven't done before and I hadn't been to a dinner party at this other house before so I can count them as my new things. However, I am sick of taking pictures of food and the musical was just so much fun!

happy harvest dinner!

Here's to new friends, new foods, a bigger and better party every year (and a better picture next year)!

something in the air

It’s odd how you can feel “holiday” in the air the night before. After I finished cooking, Dean and I went for a walk up Woodstock and the air was chilly but thick with festive anticipation. Despite my grievance with the idea of holidays, I couldn’t help but soak it up. There was an unspoken obligation to be nice to strangers and greet them with a friendly hello. Because we were in the area, I took Dean to the liquor store for the first time. I’ve never seen the line so long. I spent my first thanksgiving in Portland by myself. Well, I had Dean and a bottle of bourbon for company but that was it. It was okay because it was a day off work but I found myself hoping tonight that the people here in line weren’t going to be spending the holidays with their bottles. If that’s what floats their boats, then more power to them but I hope they aren’t drowning their holiday sorrows.

the hunt for the holy soy whip

I found a recipe for a no-bake oreo cheesecake which I will turn vegan. I started making vegan cheesecakes for Harvest Dinner three years ago. The first year, Victory gave me a recipe which I later lost for a no-bake cheesecake that we added caramel, pecans and chocolate shavings to. It turned out divine. The next two years, I used various other recipes I found which required the cake to be baked. They turned out bad. They were edible still but their consistency was soupy. I think the problem was the fake egg combined with powdered sugar instead of granulated sugar. Anyway, I got enough of a head start on it this year where hopefully it will turn out better.

My recipe is easy and consists of cream cheese, sugar, vanilla, oreos and whip cream. I have the oreos and I can buy tofutti cream cheese anywhere but a vegan whip cream was a lot more difficult to find. The recipe said “non-dairy whipped topping” which made it sound a LOT more common than it is. I went to New Seasons, Trader Joes, Safeway, Fred Meyer, Food Fight (my first time at their new location) and finally Wild Oats as a last minute resort. At Wild Oats, I found it and felt like I had just discovered the fracking holy grail! Soyatoo! Soy Whip. I am tired now and not cooking until tomorrow!

preparations

I know that I said I would stop taking pictures of my dinner but Harvest Dinner (our thanksgiving) is coming and the occasion is pretty much all about food so this blog will probably reflect that for a while.

We host a large dinner on Harvest Day every year so we really started preparations today. We brought an old couch and broken dryer to Goodwill. First, we tried taking it to Salvation Army but they were closed. Then we went to the Goodwill Outlet (my first time) but they wouldn’t take it. Then we brought it to the regular Goodwill. So now our garage was ready to be fixed up.

When we got back, I went to make burritos real quick because it’s simple and easy. Then I decided to get more creative and make them enchiladas. I know this is probably boring as hell but I think that it’s good to add a little extra flair. Anyway, they turned out fabulous. I’m just getting my kitchen apron warmed up now!

outreach

A couple of months ago, I went to a book reading by a guy named Jack Malebranche who is trying to spread the term, “Androphilia.” Androphilia is roughly defined a sexual attraction to men by men. You might be thinking, “Um, isn’t that what gay is?” Well, yes and no. Malebranche has declared that men attracted to men don’t need to be different than straight men, other than the fact that they sleep with men. “Gay” generally encompasses more than bedroom activities. It is generally thought of as a lifestyle. “Gay” permeates a gay man’s wardrobe, mannerisms, sense of design, speech, music, arts, etc. Androphiles are ‘one of the guys.’ They are masculine. They don’t like Madonna, they don’t “Hey-ay,” they watch sports not soaps and they don’t wear pink.

In Malebranche’s defense (I don’t know why I’m defending him), he does say that the androphile identity isn’t for every man who likes sleeping with men. There are people who aren’t masculine queers and he says that’s fine. Another point that Malebranche makes that I kind of agree with is the falsehood of ‘community’ in the queer community. What makes a community? Why should I feel closer to queers than to straight people who share my same values?

I like Madonna. I say “hey-ay” from time to time, I watch soaps instead of sports and I wear pink but only as an accessory. However, when I walk into a gay bar, I don’t immediately feel that I am surrounded by my brethren. I think that it’s mainly the class and consumerist differences that I have a problem with. I also don’t see the need to ‘front.’ I don’t do the ‘Proud Mary’ snap. I don’t call other gays, “Girl!” and I don’t let them call me that. Like I’ve said before, I don’t like fitting into stereotypes.

Yet I do see the need to try to socialize with other gays. I love love love my friends but I think that if I were to start hanging out with other gays from time to time, I would find something that I’m missing right now. So today, I e-mailed a gay social list that was advertised in Just Out. It may turn out to be defunct or it may suck but it may also be just what I need.

(Once again, props to Justin P for the photo!)

it's not easy (or cheap) being green

When I was a kid, my parents used to take my sister and I to the recycling center where we could see collected soda cans turn into well-earned nickels. I remember heading down the dirt road up the street from my house on a Saturday morning with my sister. We should have been at home watching cartoons but instead, we each had a side of the road that we were scouring for aluminum cans. We stumbled upon a twelve pack of Budweiser with more than half the cans in it unopened. We were young and way more interested in the nickel than the beer so we opened up each can, emptied them out and tossed them into our sacks.

I've always been grateful to my parents for instilling a sense of environmental responsibility in me early on. Since then, it's been a persistent voice in the back of my head, asking me if what I'm about to throw out is recyclable or reusable and it evolved to consumerism, asking if what I'm about to buy is damaging to the world or its inhabitants.

Today, I went to the Give Green Festival at the Double Tree Suites here in Portland. It was a nice little gathering of homemade, organic, environmentally friendly vendors and services. The above picture is an electric car. I want an electric car and I want a small one (maybe not that small) but the maximum speed on it was 25 mph. A lot of the things we saw were nice but not functional living items like accessories, not clothes and wine but not substantial food. It was nice to see green alternatives though.

the question of jogging

I remember seeing a commercial several years ago that started with these high school track kids running, giving it there all and looking like they're in pain. They're sweating up a storm and you think the commercial is going to be for a sports drink or something. But then they run past this group of heavier-set kids on the other side of the fence who are eating candy bars and drinking pops, smiling, jeering and laughing at the ridiculousness of the joggers. I've always been on the latter side of the fence when it comes to jogging.

Jogging is usually something that sounds like a good idea until I do it. Then I decide that there are many ways to get into shape (that's such a weird term) without subjecting myself to this and I stop. My housemate Ashes has been into jogging off and on for a while now. Whenever he asks if I'd like to join him, I say that Dean and I will go to the park with him but I'm not running.

Today, he was excited about a new route that he tried the day before which didn't involve running in circles. I also went to the gym yesterday so he managed to catch me on an exercise high and I said yes. Now I like running. But usually running involves me making it to a destination quicker. Typcially, I don't run in the rain for the sake of running in the rain. But I did tonight.

It was great. Jogging with a partner makes it a lot easier to keep a steady pace and to keep going. I was tired when we finished but I wasn't exhausted. Hell, I think I may do it again tomorrow.

emo in the air

I love this time of year. Rain hung on its bursting point above in the heavy gray sky as I walked home, listening to Wilco's Yankee Hotel Foxtrot. Crows followed me down the street by leaping from one half-naked tree to another. The yellow, orange and red leaves tried to ignite some passion for the season against the gray haze. And I recalled my appreciation for the emo side of life. (I didn't cry though.)

Being pragmatic and cynical with a splash of sarcastic is a form of functioning that I've found effortlessly. It seemed to have found me at one point or another. I used to be a lot more wildly passionate. I think I was. Hell, I think I was even an optimist at one point. Wow, it's crazy how we change over time. Regardless, today's walk was especially refreshing for no special reason. That's just how it was. Maybe it's the music choice. I'm not saying I'm gonna go all emo but maybe I could explore other options to dance and techno.

Anyway, my new thing today was refreshing as well. I talked to my sister. While that in and of itself is not a new thing, the circumstances surrounding it were. I'm close with my family. Well, as close as one can be when they are three big states apart and they don't use the phone very often. But my sister does not call me out of the blue. My parents will and my niece does sometimes but not my sister. Naturally, I assumed that something terrible had happened and she was the one to call me about it. Fortunately, she just wanted someone to keep her company on her drive home from a conference and everyone in the mid-west that she would call was sleeping.

It was nice though, just chatting with her, not due to a birthday or anything. Maybe I should call more often. Maybe that would help me be more...emotional.

just one (more) new work thing

Is it wrong to like your job? I used to think so. I used to think work is called work because it’s work and not fun. However, I like my job…a lot. I know I say this a lot but it’s true.

I do think I like it too much though. I think that I give it too much energy and then have no energy left for home. My new things today are all work things. In a way, I feel bad about that but it just so happens that everything I did after work was old hat for me. At work, I met Eric, a new supervisor at the gay store that I have one client working at. I love that store. I also set up a DJ gig for my housemate for our client Christmas dinner.

Nothing spectacular but then again, my blog isn’t called Just One New Spectacular Thing…

cats

Sometimes I think that people have cats as pets only to make dogs look really good by comparison.

I like our cats, despite all they do to me. They've dropped more waste in my room in the three years that I've lived with them than Dean has left in any part of any house I've lived in during the six years I've known him and his poo, piss and/or vomit is much bigger than theirs. They just poo, piss and/or vomit in my room a hella lot more often.

But like I said, I like them. Loki, the boy cat, has gone out of his way to endure himself to me. He's the biggest baby ever. He's good at cuddling, he's funny with Dean, he has a shoe fetish, he eats tomatoes and he likes sleeping in my room. And while he was sleeping in my room today, he puked out more crap than I knew a cat could hold. Apparently it was more than a cat could hold though because it ended up on my sheet, my quilts, two of my coats and a shirt. He hasn't done this before so cleaning it up is one of those new things that I hope will be a last as well.

Speaking of my new things, I look back on my past couple of posts and I've noticed that my new things are puking, hauling old mattresses to Goodwill, getting mistaken for a homeless person and cleaning up cat puke on my bed. Damn my life is glamorous.

bumming around

When I first got to Portland, I was very empathetic to the homeless here to the point where I once gave away my bus money everything I had including my bus money and had to walk home to southeast Portland from Downtown.

I realized that I was ‘fitting in’ more when the ‘spangers’ (people looking for spare change) stopped asking for money from me and started asking for cigarettes. I didn’t ever get to the point where other people would give me money though…until yesterday.

I was sorting the donated clothing with a friend. Normally we would sort it in a van but the van wasn’t there. I pulled my car over across the street from a church where the light is better. Then we took the garbage sacks of clothing out of the car and began to sort them in the street. A car drove past us and pulled into the church parking lot. Nobody got out and it backed up towards us. I figured it was someone wondering what we were doing or someone looking for directions. Instead, the driver called my friend over and handed her $18. My friend asked what it was for and she was told to “Just take it,” with pity and sympathy in the driver’s voice. So she did. Before we could say anymore, the car drove off. I asked my friend why she gave us $18 and she said, “Look at us.” We were on the side of the street, garbage bags filling up the car and spilling into the street across from a church. “We look pretty bad.”

shadows

I felt good today physically but my apathy was drawn out in the long shadows of the early November afternoon. After tripping with Dean to the grocery store, I cooked a warm breakfast and sat on the couch reading my book for the better part of the day.

My new thing consisted of driving mattresses strapped to the top of my car to Goodwill. They talk about the lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer but they forget about the long, despondent, yawning days of autumn.

too much destroy

Today I spent more time than ever praying to the porcelain god. I threw up last night when my housemate pulled the car over so I shouldn't have been sick today. However, I threw up first thing this morning. Later I ate a bagel with tofutti spread and then threw that up. I threw up nothing but bile again a while later. That's a nasty kind of throw-up. My mouth tasted so bad right afterwards that it caused me to throw up again. Then I ventured outside and bought some 7-up and soup. I threw that up too. Later I ate some more soup but slowly and with bread. That seemed to stay down...for now.

It's a 'new thing' (throwing up this much from brown bottle flu) that I won't soon be repeating. I would say never but that's too absolute. A while back, I wouldn't or couldn't 'casually' drink. The night wasn't over until I was stumbling around and throwing up. I decided that was stupid and unhealthy. Even on tour in Europe, I would stop after three beers generally except for the rare occasion. I guess I just needed a reminder, as painful and disgusting as it is, to jog my memory and let me know why I stopped being this stupid.

my time in the slammer

We went barhopping last night, starting with the Hutch on Holgate but it was too crowded so we went to the Pub at the End of the Block and stayed for a while but they didn't have a full bar. We ended up in the Slammer.

The Slammer is a bar on Stark that looks like it was a cafe they just started to tear down but they stopped, decided to put up Christmas lights on the inside and make it a bar instead. The bathrooms there look like they were built for children since they have race car wallpaper border and anyone taller than 5'4" was in danger of hitting their head on the ceiling.

A friend of my housemates goes there a lot and knows the staff well. She was cool and the bartender was really nice but she made drink REAL still and pretty cheap. Bad combination and I paid for it afterwards.

options

We had our work Thanksgiving meal today. Usually that means I get potatoes, either fries or dry mashed potatoes. An omnivore Thanksgiving meal is typically light on the vegetarian options. Hell, most of my previous bosses just run and pick me up a vegetarian sandwich from a nearby deli. However, since this was my first Thanksgiving meal in the administrative offices of my work, I was surprised to find out that everything except the turkey (duh) and the gravy was vegetarian.

I complain to the cafeteria manager a LOT about the lack of options. She had a veggie burger for a while but then stopped carrying it because she said people stopped buying it after a while. Well no shit. When you give people ONE option, they tend to get sick of it after a solid month of nothing else but fries to eat. But she went out of her way today to let me know that I could eat anything but the gravy and meat. She said they used water instead of chicken stock for the stuffing and they left the bacon bits out of the salad. It was appreciated and I was very thankful for the options.

busted

I broke my helmet today. I'm mad because my helmet's not the only one broke. I am too.

With it getting colder, I've been getting worried about transportation for the winter. It was hard enough to scooter around today with the wind freezing me but then I went and broke the visor clean off. Instead of scootering, II could bus, bike, carpool or walk to work but then I have four stores to visit, each once a week. Two of the stores are 31 miles apart. That makes biking difficult. I have my pink lincoln but it barely runs. It dies constantly, the trunk doesn't close all the way, the automatic locks don't unlock the doors, it won't start in park, the brake lights don't work, the turn signals have to be pumped and it's a gas guzzler to boot.

I wish they would hurry up and invent teleporters already.

fragile X

One of the things I love about my job is the continuous training I receive. And, unlike retail training I've experienced, it's not insulting or degrading, like those orientation videos you have to watch on your first day at Wal-Mart or a fast food joint. It's actually interesting.

Today, we had a training on Fragile X syndrome. Fragile X is a form of MR. Our instructor linked it to autism a lot. Although the subject was new to me, I've been to classes before. What made this class stand out was that the speaker brought her son who has Fragile X. At first this made me uncomfortable. It felt like she was bringing her son to show and tell as some anomaly. However, she ended up referring to him as a person rather than an illness to give a face to Fragile X.

I ended up talking to him briefly afterwards. It's weird. Years ago, back in Nebrasks, I went with my friend Sarah to a dance for the developmentally disabled people she was teaching. At the time, I was very nervous and I thought she was a saint for dealing with them. Now, I go out of my way to talk to people with disabilities because not everyone will.

About the picture, I didn't take it. I found it on-line when doing a google search for fragile X. It turns out that Chris Benoit, the wrester that killed his wife and son and then himself, well, his kid had fragile X. It's a sad world.

copilot

Today, I took Dean to my work. Dean's first two weeks with me over six years ago were spent in my office. I refused to leave him home alone. However, this is the first time Dean's been to my latest job.

I'd love to have a job where I could have him there with me full-time like a small shop he could sit in and greet customers as they come through. I love going to shops and seeing the owner's dog sitting on a big pillow by the cash register. However, Dean doesn't like absolutely everybody so I'd have to worry about that. Also, he tends to get protective so he's be barking a lot. Plus he's a big dog and would need a large store/office so as not to feel confined. And if I had him in my shop, that'd mean I was back in retail or the customer service industry which I definitely don't want right now so I guess we'll just stay the way we are and spend our time together at home.

working it out

I usually don't work out until the evenings due to my work schedule or my workout partner's schedule. However, today I went early. I had a list of things to do today and when to do them and working out was scheduled in the morning so that's when I went.

When I was in college, I worked out in the morning constantly and now I remember why. It's a great way to start out the day. Plus you can drink at noon and not have to worry about working up the motivation to go work out later on. :)

Actually, in college, I worked out at 8 am the day after I first got drunk (and puked all over the dorm bathroom and proposed to a girl). My roommate couldn't believe that I had went to work out and went around from room to room, asking if anyone had seen me. Even when I felt slightly ill back then, working out always made me feel better.

I'm not a gym bunny or anything. I just like to get some exercise first thing in the day.