outreach

A couple of months ago, I went to a book reading by a guy named Jack Malebranche who is trying to spread the term, “Androphilia.” Androphilia is roughly defined a sexual attraction to men by men. You might be thinking, “Um, isn’t that what gay is?” Well, yes and no. Malebranche has declared that men attracted to men don’t need to be different than straight men, other than the fact that they sleep with men. “Gay” generally encompasses more than bedroom activities. It is generally thought of as a lifestyle. “Gay” permeates a gay man’s wardrobe, mannerisms, sense of design, speech, music, arts, etc. Androphiles are ‘one of the guys.’ They are masculine. They don’t like Madonna, they don’t “Hey-ay,” they watch sports not soaps and they don’t wear pink.

In Malebranche’s defense (I don’t know why I’m defending him), he does say that the androphile identity isn’t for every man who likes sleeping with men. There are people who aren’t masculine queers and he says that’s fine. Another point that Malebranche makes that I kind of agree with is the falsehood of ‘community’ in the queer community. What makes a community? Why should I feel closer to queers than to straight people who share my same values?

I like Madonna. I say “hey-ay” from time to time, I watch soaps instead of sports and I wear pink but only as an accessory. However, when I walk into a gay bar, I don’t immediately feel that I am surrounded by my brethren. I think that it’s mainly the class and consumerist differences that I have a problem with. I also don’t see the need to ‘front.’ I don’t do the ‘Proud Mary’ snap. I don’t call other gays, “Girl!” and I don’t let them call me that. Like I’ve said before, I don’t like fitting into stereotypes.

Yet I do see the need to try to socialize with other gays. I love love love my friends but I think that if I were to start hanging out with other gays from time to time, I would find something that I’m missing right now. So today, I e-mailed a gay social list that was advertised in Just Out. It may turn out to be defunct or it may suck but it may also be just what I need.

(Once again, props to Justin P for the photo!)