three bars down

(thanks Justin for the pic.  it captured the evening better than any of mine.)

Even though I am exhausted, I decided it was worth going out for some easy drinks and what I guess was a movie.  Justin, Jen and I had plans to go to Holocene to watch a movie they were showing with live DJs (the movie is in Japanese and is subtitled).  However, we decided to go out to eat first.  We tried Speakeasy which redefines "dive bar."  However I didn't really want to eat anything there and I didn't want to trouble the bartender anymore after he seemed put out when Jen and I ordered Naughty Toddy's which was their drink special.  So we headed to our second choice, Star Bar.  This was a lot more up my alley.  The happy hour menu was good and the place was very comfortable.  The atmosphere and the nice staff were great but I will probably head back just for a chance to play with their jukebox.

I kind of wish we had stopped there but we went onto Holocene.  There was a cover which was annoying and the movie (The House) was bizarre and the DJs, while interesting, really lent nothing to the experience.  In fact, they paused the movie early on for a TWENTY minute intermission.  Intermissions should not happen or at least not be THAT long if the movie has yet to do anything interesting.  We made it to the second intermission before bailing.

So, it wasn't trick or treating but it was nice and easy.  I feel it's what I needed after last night.  I wanted to acknowledge the holiday because I do enjoy Halloween but I was looking for something low-key and I found it.

hell prom

I think that tonight was my favorite Halloween party ever.  It was the last show for the band, The Golden Greats and we also had Chervona and Holy Holy Holy playing.  There wasn't really any point where anybody got out of line, the music was awesome, the costumes were great and it was just what I needed.

I went as a tea-bagger as you can see by the picture above.  This year was different for me than the past several years have been in terms of costuming because I didn't need to tailor my costume around work regulations.  My work had their Halloween party on Friday when I was at my internship place and my internship place had their party last night when I wasn't working so I was free to get a little more creative.

While I absolutely loved the show, I didn't get back home until 5am which makes for a very tired me.  Since I was out in costume past midnight tonight, I'm counting that as my Halloween adventure for the year.  My housemates are all going trick-or-treating out in Gresham with the grandparents on Halloween night so I'll probably just stay home, watch a scary movie and not answer the door.  Hopefully we won't get egged.

forget your underwear, we're free

On April 20, 2001, I drove to see my sister in Emporia, Kansas.  It was a memorable trip for me because I didn't check it out on the map and this was before I had GPS.  I had a book-on-cassette of Jack Kerouac's On The Road and no specific paths or plans.  I just went in the general direction, content to get lost and not worry about it.  I found my way easily enough and enjoyed doing so.

The freedom that is associated with the Beat Generation is intoxicating.  It's hard not to romanticize it, especially their sexual liberties.  To relate, I turn to Allen Ginsberg.  After reading Ginsberg and Kerouac, it's hard not to envision them as characters instead of actual people.  I always thought that the unrequitted love that Ginsberg felt for Kerouac was tragic.  I wanted Kerouac's character to have a passionate and romantic affair with Ginsberg's character or at least for him to be bi-curious.  However, that's not how it went down and there was not enough literary license with their pseudonyms to make it happen.  Even more beautiful and tragic was Neal Cassady's flirtation with Ginsberg which left Ginsberg heart-broken when Cassady decided that it's wasn't natural.

Tonight, I got to experience Ginsberg on a whole new level when I went to Howl at the Hollywood Theater.  It was absolutely gorgeous.  The acting in it was superb.  The animation that was interspersed in the movie was done provocatively by politically radical Eric Drooker.  I wasn't going to go to the movie tonight even after I had made plans to meet some friends there because I was feeling sick.  But I decided to tough it out and do it and I am SOOO glad I did.

Despite the tragedy of his previous crushes on straight or seemingly straight guys, Ginsberg ended up with the love of his life who he met early on and who stayed with him until he died.

What else?
Aside from the wonderful movie, the ride to the theater was adventurous for me.  I took some neighborhood roads that were unfamiliar to me.  I do recognize that I have a rational fear of potholes now.  When I am heading down a hill, I ride the brakes if it's heavily shaded at the bottom to the point where I can't see the road's condition.  I guess it doesn't hurt to be cautious.  Also, knowing that I was going to a beat movie, I decided that it was imperative that I first have a drink.  I ducked into Sam's Billiards because my options were limited based upon time.  It really wasn't a bad place.  If I was good at pool at all, I may consider going back.

Also, it was another productive day at my internship.  Dave showed me how to do orientation paperwork as I got to meet a new resident whose case I am going to be partially responsible for.

doomsayer

Earlier today, my friend Jesse twittered out an article with a warning, stating gives you another theory as to how the world will end...soon.  I knew better than to click it.  I have a tendency to become depressed and dwell on these things.  However, curiosity got the best of me and I read it.  I'd pass on the same warning that Jesse did but I think I recovered from it quickly.  To sum it up, the article talks about how the events of the BP oil spill and other horrendous acts that BP has committed will bring upon the next mass extinction event.  While Arturo has talked about the impending mass extinction event, this article gave a much more updated timeline; six months.

Yikes, that's not a lot of time.  So instantly I think, "Should I quit school and go travel?"  "Do I really want to spend the last six months on earth doing this?"  I never really considered maybe building up a supply of food and water to sustain me through this mass extinction.  The air won't be breathable.  Living conditions will be horrendous.  Our current society panics when Facebook won't open.  I really don't think that we as humans will be in the 6% of life that is hypothesized to survive this mass extinction.  I guess I don't have that big of a problem with dying if everyone else is going to die too.  Creepy to think about but it's keeping me from going off of the deep end.

What else?
On the lighter side of it all, I went to the Los Gorditos food cart today.  It's not as close as the restaurant is to my work but it was more convenient at the time.  It was good but nothing spectacular.

I also went to Scott Pilgrim again and went out to Beulaland again.  It put me out late for a work night but, hey, there may only be six months left.  I can sleep when I'm part of the massively extinct.  I also met a clinical therapist at the bus stop while waiting for the 75 after the movie.  He just got done with work so I didn't want to bother him with my current issues right now but maybe it's something I may consider.

dave

Today I worked on proving myself.  Among many other things, my parents instilled in me a good work ethic.  I fought against it while I was younger because I didn't feel that I could really excel in any job.  Therefore, my goal was to win the lottery.  That was the only way that I saw myself making it.  I've come to realize that I need to be more realistic and, in the meantime, I've began to work harder.

At most jobs I've had, I've started out as the lowest rung on the ladder and worked my way up.  That's the only way I think to gain a full grasp of the job and to have a sense of purpose and achievement.  With my internship, it's weird because nobody (including me) really knows what I'm supposed to be doing.  I did get a little more clarity though from my new co-worker Dave.

Dave has actually been with the organization for six years which makes him the senior guy (by a long shot) in the house support staff position.  However, he's been on vacation since I've been there so today was the first time I met him.  Since he has seniority, he has the weekday/day shift schedule which means that I'll be working with him everyday I'm there from now on.  That's comforting to me since I got along with him.

We had a health inspector call us today to say that they were going to do a random inspection so Dave and I spent the day cleaning up the place.  Not only did I get to feel like I was really making a contribution but I got cred in the eyes of the staff and the residents as well since I swept and mopped or vacuumed the place.  Besides assigning me household tasks, Dave gave me the most thorough run-down of the place and the residents that I've had since I started there.  With his help, I finally feel that I'm going to be able to thrive in this place

little. yellow. different. better.

I visited a new friendly 'I can't do anything for you' doctor today again.  Western medicine is so beyond repair that I really don't know why I bother.  Okay, that's a lie.  Yes I do.  It's for the pain relievers.  I was prescribed a new drug today for a muscle relaxer to help me sleep through my aching rib.  Bravo to Kaiser for moving beyond the Vicodin.  It's definitely relaxing.  However, I would like my medical professionals to occasionally fix something. 

When I went there for my broken toe, they said they couldn't do anything.  When I went there for my heart burn, they told me to go over-the-counter which didn't work.  When I went there for my rib (this is the second time in a few years), they said, "Well, we could x-ray it to see if it's really broken but we'll do the same treatment anyway which is NOTHING."

I was also looking for a referral to a chiropractor as everyone has been trying to talk me into seeing one.  I don't want to pay a lot though and I want my insurance to actually do something.  However, the doc said that she wouldn't refer me for a rib injury.  Damn, I should've went when my neck hurt.

punch em in the d*&k

I heard this song about a year ago and I thought it was pretty funny but I didn't think much more of the artist.  Tonight, I was fortunate enough to see his whole show and I was kind of blown away.  Juicy Karkass has a good stage presence but what really go to me was his lyrics which bordered on heavy at times.  He prefaced one of his songs with saying it was his one serious song of the evening and he wasn't lying.  It was a song about seeing violence happen against women and not knowing what to do in the situation.  It was brutally honest and well done.  Eminem is no longer singing about killing his baby mama and stuffing her in the trunk but he's moved onto tying his lover to the bed and setting the house on fire if she tries to leave.  When the mainstream is littered with shit like that, a supportive act like Juicy Karkass is even more appreciated.

It wasn't just him either tonight.  The show at Autonomy which I worked was a release party for Coin in the Coffer's new 7".  The banjo player for the band is a friend and neighbor.  It was a fun good show which was attended by good people who enjoyed themselves and supported a good organization (Indymedia) in the meantime.  All together, it makes for a great way to spend a Saturday night.

What else?
I got stupid today in three dimensions as I sat through Jackass 3D.  However, that isn't meant that I didn't laugh my ass off.  The beehive tetherball was kind of fucked up to the bees but it was damn funny to see the dumbasses get stung a lot.  Before the show, Justin, Sophia and I went to the Doug Fir for lunch which was a 1st for me too.

smackdown

Ouch.

I was coasting down the hill on SE 33rd, by the Cleveland School football field tonight on my bike.  My front tire hit a pothole and stopped while I continued on.  I flew over the handlebars and belly-flopped on the pavement.  It's as painful as it sounds.  I didn't even really know what happened at the time.  I was making good time, speeding away and then I was on the pavement.

Some nice guys nearby rushed over to see if I was okay.  I was okay but the wind was knocked out of me so, when I was able to get to my knees, I had to hold up a hand to let them know to wait until I could breathe.  When I managed to put air back into my lungs, I thanked them and walked down a bit until I could gain some composure.

As far as accidents go, it was probably my most jarring but I didn't have any road rash afterwards and I didn't knock any teeth out so it wasn't so bad damage wise.  My bike was okay too.  I busted off the front reflector and the handlebars got unaligned but that was an easy fix.  I do think that I broke some rib(s).  Both sides of my rib cage hurt but in very specific spots.  It wasn't the best way to end what was otherwise a fine evening but it did take the focus off my neck pain.

What else?
Tim, Jen, Melissa and I dined out for domestic abuse.  That was actually their slogan.  In reality, the money went to fight domestic abuse.  We went to Dove Vivi for some awesome vegan or goat cheese pizza (for the 1st time) and Beulahland for a pomegranate mint lemonade and vodka drink (for the 1st time).  I suppose the drinks helped loosen me up and delay my response time which was why I landed on my ribs instead of skinning up or breaking my wrists.

start wearing purple

Today was spirit day.  Although I tend to call for color coordination when we go for work walks, I generally don't spread the word in the office for everyone to dress alike.  I have gotten messages that encouraged us to wear red for cancer awareness and I've participated but I've never instigated.  But today, I got most of my office to wear purple and it was even my day off!

I don't think that my boss's are homophobic.  In fact, I know that they are encouraging.  However, homosexuality, AIDS (I don't know why they have to be lumped together but they do) and gender differences are subjects that go officially unnamed in my office expect for when cultural consideration is brought up as a company policy.  What I'm trying to say is that most of the Peoples in Charge (PIC's) at work still whisper or lower their voice and look around when they say "gay" or "AIDS".  So I was pretty impress that, not only did I not get called out for pushing "the homosexual agenda" when I sent out an e-mail letting everyone know it was going to be purple day, but also that my bosses wore purple too.  My director even passed along the message to the marketing department and others she supervises.  It warms the heart.

What else?
Surprisingly, only one other person at my internship wore purple.  Considering the intent of wearing purple today was to bring to light the high-risk vulnerability of our GLBTQ youth and a disproportionate number of homeless youth are GLBTQ and my internship is at an agency for GLBTQ youth, it's a little upsetting that not more people wore purple there.

However, the internship is going better.  Today, I was left alone for two hours to supervise the residents and, by default, they had to come to me to get help so I was able to build up cred and rapport with them.

gogol bordello

This has definitely been a musical year for me as I have went to more shows than ever before.  There are some bands that I've seen that I appreciated more on CD, some that I had never heard of and some that fed off the energy of the crowd and spewed it back out at them.  Gogol Bordello falls in the latter category.

Jessica says that it was one of her top five favorite shows.  I don't know if it'd fall that high for me but it was in the top ten for sure.  If I had to put five top shows in no particular order, it would probably look like: Riot Cop in Bardejov 2006; Storm and the Balls at the Wonder Ballroom August 2007; Shonen Knife at Mississippi Studios in September 2010; Goldfrapp at the Crystal Ballroom May 2006; and Ani DiFranco at the Arlene Schnitzer Hall in 2002.  I might be forgetting one of two that have meant a lot to me.  However, these are the ones that come to mind right away.

Back to this show, the opening band, Forro in the Dark, was cool.  I wished that I was less hurty and could have enjoyed them more.  Gogol came out with 100% energy and didn't really pull back.  The singer Eugene came out in a blazer and tank top and quickly lost all of his upper clothing as he got all sweaty.  His two rabble-rousers, seen on his right in the second picture were fascinating to watch and kept the crowds energy high.  It was an awesome show and one I am so glad I didn't miss.  I'm fortunate enough to have awesome friends who get me out to do these things!

sunrise sunset

I watched the sunrise this morning from the PSU hot-tub and I watched the sunset while walking my dog.  Everything in between is irrelevant.

alternative notion

I didn't have regular MTV access until I started at McCook Community College.  This may seem like a trite thing but to someone who didn't like country music or the country lifestyle, this was a big handicap.  I longed to know what the rest of the world was doing and did not trust basic cable to tell me. 

During my second year in McCook, I met my friend Nate who wooed me with his CD collection.  I was a sponge, ready to absorb it all.  I quickly came to love Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Hole and the Smashing Pumpkins as well as many many more.  I was able to pass the music onto my brother who was also experiencing musical and cultural isolation in our little town.  As technology improved over the 5 years that separates us, I did think he was better off though.  Anyway, Eric told me to listen to all of Siamese Dream.  I had the CD and loved it but I didn't really appreciate it until he brought it to my attention.  Now Smashing Pumpkins remains one of my favorite bands (although I believe they are a shell of themselves without D'Arcy or James Iha).

After Justin and Dom each sang Pearl Jam songs last night, I couldn't get them out of my head today.  I pulled out all of my old Pearl Jam CDs and put them on my I-Tunes.  I then got all of my Pumpkins CDs and so on and so forth.  It was great.  I forgot to mention that I bought a new I-pod on Friday and was able to put on four times as much music and it was all Alternative all day today.  I've become a pop music junkie lately so it was refreshing to listen to good quality music.  I may be on this phase for a while.

What else?
I did a lot of biking around today (listening to my alternative mix), stopping in at a plethora of athletic and mountain stores, looking for a late bday gift for Ashes but to no avail.  I suppose I'll just wait until Seven Corners opens up again on Tuesday and buy it then. 

feels just like getting older

Ashes turned 31derful today.  This is the first year that I can remember that he hasn't had a big blowout party to celebrate.   Instead, we went roller-skating and then went to Galaxy to sing karaoke.  I think I had just as much fun if not more than I would have had at a party especially in my current condition.

I hate complaining about aches and pains cuz I know there are people off a lot worse than me but neck pain is a new thing to me so it's taking priority with me.  I even went and got another massage today.  I'm also afraid that I've turned to massages for my cure-alls and I go there way too easily.  Well, I guess there are worse things to be addicted to.  I went back to Jeffery today.  While it didn't heal me completely, it's still a massage so I can't complain.  I guess I'm just getting older like we all are and my body is paying the price for me forgetting my limitations.

What else?

I sang "Freedom 90" by George Michael for my new thing.  It's not my GM song of choice (that would be faith) but we were doing songs from 1991 so we could get Dominic to sing Pearl Jam.  While I sucked at the song, I at least had one fan.  A co-worker from my internship happened to be there too (and happened to sign up for "Father Figure").  It's a small town.  I also pleased to hear Jen and Justin each do karaoke for the first time as well.

self-fulfilling sick day prophecy

My allergies have stuck around later than they normally do this year.  I stopped taking my medicine earlier this month and then began to feel sick.  I figured allergy season was over and the residents at my internship have been passing around a bug so I guessed that it was my turn now.  I called in sick last night and as soon as I did, I realized my eyes itched which means allergies.  Oh well, I already called in and I still felt like ass, whether or not I had an actual cold.

I still went to the gym because it wasn't a full-body aches sickness.  I did some squats early in the day before I was properly limbered up and I don't think I did them correctly anyway.  Well, they messed up my back and now it hurts to move my neck.  So I have the allergies simulating a head cold and I had the gym injury to account for body aches.  Even if I'm not actually sick, I don't think anyone would believe me.

What else?
I tried Tiger Balm for the 1st time.  It's got this hot/cold penetrating feel about it.  I hope it and the hot pad help my neck.

a certain kind of apathy

I'm working on trying to update my blog more regularly but I'm feeling like I've exhausted myself.  Part of the problem is that I'm relying on school/internship for my new thing opportunities and I'm not actively seeking them out myself.  I'll work on that.

For now, I have another internship post.  I went to a training today on marijuana abuse.  I was worried that it would be a reefer madness type lecture but it was done pretty well.  Rather than be all super-preachy about how pot is corrupting our youth, the guy encouraged everyone to watch stupid pot smoking movies so we could understand what the youth that we work with are talking about.  I also got a lot of facts that I wasn't aware of.  I knew that Oregon was high up on the list of places where people smoke but I was a bit surprised to hear that Multnomah County is the fourth largest area in the whole US for drug use.  Wow.  The best part of the training was the interactive part.  We used the remotes, pictured above, to give answers to questions like who has done what or how young we think people are when they start smoking.

Afterwards, I got some time to talk to my supervisor about the direction of my internship.  It relieved a lot of anxiety to know what I'm going to be doing and what she expects.  Despite my post last week about being bored, I'm actually optimistic about my possibilities there.

downtime downtown

I always see people meandering downtown, lackadaisically shopping or taking superlong lunches and I think, "Don't these people have jobs?  How do they have the time just to wander about down here?"  Now I know.  They're all interns.

I had so much free time today between appointments that my supervisor arranged for me that I got bored and a bit pissed.  During the morning, I had an hour break so I headed to Sip N Kranz for a quick coffee and bagel.  However, I found that they had been replaced by Cloud Nine, an identical coffee shop sans the high-back wicker chairs.  After returning to work for an hour and a half meeting, I got another hour break so I headed to Little Big Burger where only two-thirds of the name is accurate.  I've never been to a White Castle and Harold and Kumar (and one episode of Veronica Mars) is my only reference point for the place but I'm guessing these are White Castle style burgers.  I won't say sliders though because I think that's a gross term for anything I'm going to put in my mouth.

Anyhow, I do love downtown so I managed to take all of my breaks without getting too upset.  It's a hard knock life for this intern.  I am hoping that I will eventually be more challenged though.  I think a lot of that is going to come from redirection though.

mr kittie fantastico

I got the chance to play with this kitten as I dropped off Kollibri's new phone today.  Normally, my new thing on a 1st Thursday with have to do with Autonomy.  However, I run the risk of running into youth from the homeless shelter which is against policy so, instead, I played with this kitten.  It was a good trade-off.

all the new faces

School does nothing if not shake me out of my rut and routine.  I should be updating my blog more frequently but it's usually just a matter of meeting new people (through class or through the internship).  Today, I met the associate executive director of my internship program.  It was nice.  He also got his masters in social work, as many other people at the program have.  I also got the chance to hang out with a staff member at the transitional housing that I haven't worked with before.

However, as much as I liked meeting new acquaintances, I particularly enjoyed seeing some older faces today as well.  Directly after my internship, I headed to PSU for a meeting and then to a gathering of returning MSW students.  I got to see and talk with a lot of former classmates that I haven't seen since spring.  It's comforting to know that I'm getting to make and retain acquaintances through school.

aids walk 2010

I organized my co-workers today and got my work to donate another $700 to the Cascade AIDS walk again today.  We had the most amount of people from my work this year and we took a new path.  The picture above was cropped to cut out one of my clients who came for the first time.  However, I had to crop out a co-worker and her dog as well.  Her dog is a large pit bull who promptly knocked her over right after the picture.  This was after the dog attacked a seeing-eye dog.  After all of that, Dean looked pretty good.  He was better behaved but he also did quite well with the walk.  That's my boy.

What else?
I worked a reciprocating saw for the first time and hacked 15 inches off the legs of my loft.  Now, I don't run the risk of hitting my head on the ceiling and I still have lots of storage underneath.

it's all greek to me

I confronted a church lady on her religion's homophobia today.  That was fun...

I love Greek food so I was looking forward to going to the Greek Fest in Portland today when Sophia suggested it.  However, an hour before we were going to go, she called me, saying she was unsure about this Greek Orthodox Church's stance on homosexuality.  As a larger institution, they don't like us but I thought that maybe the Portland version would be different.  St. James Church on SE 12 and Stark is very progressive for a Catholic Church so I thought that maybe there was hope for this Greek Orthodox Church.  However, I wasn't going to just assume that so I directly asked.

Upon getting to the festival which took place on the grounds just outside the church, I approached a lady with a name-tag on who was handing out literature for the church.  I flat out asked her, "What is the church's stance on gays?"  She stuttered for a bit but then told me, "It's not a bigot thing but..."  I can't remember the exact wording but it went something like this.  'It's all adultery in the eyes of the lord [even tho it's not possible for me to get married in the eyes of the church] and that's a sin.  Any sex outside of marriage is a sin.  Worshiping sex is like worshiping a false idol, like the technology we use.  I-pods, cell phones, etc.'

I've been called many things as an out[spoken] queer but an I-pod is not one of them.  Sophia thought it was a diplomatic answer although agreed that it was cop-out.  I wasn't feeling any hate though there and I did want to try some food while I was there so I stuck around for a bit.  Really, it wasn't worth it, even aside from the unspoken homophobia.  The food was borderline carnival food.  I've had much much better bakalava and it was really crowded.  I'm glad I went to just say I went and to be able to put it out there that this festival is linked to unconfronted hate.  Most people would say just relax, it's not like they're burning crosses.  However, over the past few weeks, there's been a number of queer youth suicides in the news.  Part of that is due to guilt brought on by religious institutions.  It's hard to overlook that.

What else?
I called Martin and Tim from the Fest and wanted to hang with some of my community so we went to Hall of Records which used to be half of It's a Beautiful Pizza.  It was my first time there and I was impressed.  Their niche is that they sell records and you can sign up for 30 minutes of DJ'ing at the bar.  I will probably be posting that as a new thing soon. 

Speaking of pizza, I went to a place tonight where many Portlanders think you can get the best pizza in town, Apizza Scholls.  Known for it's long waits and awesome food, I don't know how I've not gone there until today.  Sophia and I met Jesse, Jake and Gail there.  They were all sweet enough to do the waiting for us.  We had a pizza with truffle oil base and another pizza with jalapeno's on it.  The truffle oil pizza could be a contender for the best pizza I've had here in town.  I think I'll give it another try before I make my decision though. 

done with one

One week down, only like 33 or so more left to go.

That's my motivation so far: get through it.  I just finished one paper (yes, it's 11:58 pm on a Friday night and I'm working on homework) and I have two more papers and one presentation due this quarter.  But hell, it's the first week and I got my first paper done so I am stoked.

I am also glad that I got one week of the internship done.  I really am liking it and I think that it's only going to continue to get better.  However, the stress that the absence puts on my other job is a bit much.  However, I could see myself pursuing a job working with homeless youth after I get done with school and my commitment to my other job.  I think that part of the appeal of working with homeless youth as opposed to adults with DD is that I can see that a change of life is likely for a lot of the youth.  With the adult with DD, there can be some changes but very few of them will achieve the level of independence and the skills set that they need or desire.  It's frustrating that way.  However, I guess I just need to reach people where they are at instead of where I think they should be.

So my new thing today was the internship.  I got to sit in on a meeting today and meet a lot of new staff members and provide a little more direct assistance (serving food and handing out clothes) to the youth.  I think I'll be just fine as long as I stay on top of the homework.