bad morales

(sorry for the lack of pics.  posts about work and the internship are hard to take pictures of)

I had a dream the other night that I had been reassigned work locations.  I was moved out to the new Beaverton store and one of my older managers from the Powell store (the one who got me into working with the clients initially) was my manager again.  She also had my desk on the sales floor, in the middle of everything.  Needless to say, this didn't make me happy.  However, I was even less happy when I came into work one day and found out that they accidentally put my desk in the truck of furniture headed to the salvage yard.  Fortunately, it was just a dream.  Unfortunately, I think it's telling of where things are at work right now.

I still love my job but it feels like it's teetering over the edge of a pit of despair.  I attribute this feeling to a certain number of factors.  First off, my co-worker and friend who was drinking on the job is no longer there.  Yes, she had self-destructive patterns that were beginning to destroy others around her too but she was also a social entity at work who kept a lot of people happy.  Second, my eastcoaster co-worker is still annoying and doesn't seem to be grasping the actual functions of the job (not to mention how the basics of Microsoft Office) and the social norms of the office.  Third, I think that having the internship has breathed some life into me and opened my eyes to the possibilities.  If nothing else, I'm at least ready to advance in my current job because I want to make some fundamental changes and I can only do so if I have more power.

Today, I did get a bit of respite from the despair.  The guy who runs our ATE department is out on medical leave so I got to spend a lot of time helping out in the ATE today which is my favorite part of the job.  In particular, I got to help my client who has declared war with a Star Wars puzzle while we all watched the Sandlot.  Another client had a five minute chuckle session as we watched the scene where the kids puked in the amusement park.  I was very grateful for it all.  Also, it gave me the chance to work more with the person who took my friend's job and I like her which is cool because in all likelihood, I will be her boss one day.

I'm hoping that these blues are temporary because they are definitely contagious.  Two separate coworkers pointed out to me that they also noticed a lowering of morale in the office.  I'm hoping this next month gives me more time to work on improving things since I'm done with school and I only have to do the internship for half the month.

ethicality

I've gotten used to class presentations by now.  I've done well (even outstanding) on two of the three group presentations I've done in my master's career so I wasn't sweating this one but pretty much most of the other people in the class were.  We had to do a calming exercise ahead of time where we told ourselves that, although our bodies were nervous, we were in no danger.  I actually got more worked up after the exercise.  I was completely calm and had nowhere to go but nervousville.

However, we did well.  There were six groups, all presenting ethical dilemmas for social workers.  Our dilemma was what do you do when a client with protected confidentiality status who is HIV positive tells you that he's having high-risk sex with an unknowing partner.  We were the fourth group to present and the first group to not do it via powerpoint.  It was a nice change of pace and the teacher wanted us to keep it short because we were running out of time.  She did tell me afterwards that we did great so that was reassuring...not that I had any doubts.

the hawthorne walk

After doing the holiday decompression yesterday, I decided it was time to shop for Christmas gifts today.  I will never understand the compulsion of people to go shopping the day after Thanksgiving.  For one thing, if you have the day after a holiday off, stay at home in your pj's.  For another thing, no amount of savings is worth injury and possible death from trampling.  Lastly, consumerism is killing the planet.  Unfortunately, I only waited one day before giving in and doing my part as a consumer during the holidays.

After meeting Dom, Sophia and Martin for brunch at Cricket, Martin, Sophia and I made plans to shop Hawthorne.  My intention was to buy Christmas gifts.  I ended up buying myself a T-shirt, two books (one for school and the other one because it's the third book in the Wicked Saga), Christmas cards, bath salts, many drinks and an avocado.  Jen met up with us so Martin and I ended up accompanying Jen and Sophia on their ladies night out.  After being disappointed at Mulligans (never going back), we went Backstage.

Backstage is a bar behind the Bagdad.  I've stood in line in front of this place many times before for Battlestar, Lost and various movies but I've never given the bar much thought.  I absolutely loved it.  It was unusual and comforting all at the same time.  If it wouldn't have been so cold upstairs, I would have stayed longer.  McMenamins knows how to add a unique charm to its bars and they did well with this unusual space.  I will definitely be bringing people back here.

After Ashes and Victory joined us, we went to close down Starky's.  The drinks were cheaper and they had some awesome videos as always there.  It was a great bar crawl and a fascinating day, even if I didn't get my shopping in.

harvest week

Normally, this is the one holiday I really like celebrating.  Due to schedules, attempted plans, unconfirmed plans, good friends, new acquaintances and last minute changes, it continued to be one of my favorite holidays this year.  It wasn't our big harvest dinner that we do at our house but it was at a good friend's house with excellent vegan food and a more intimate setting.  We played Apples to Apples and got caroled by Beatles songs.  Dean also got to come hang out.  I wasn't sure what to expect from the day with all of the changes from the last five years or so but it ended up just exactly like I wanted it to.

What else?

I don't have the interest, energy or pictures to create posts for earlier this week so I'm just going to cover them here quick.  On Monday, I had a conversation with a client at work about the benefits of coming out.  It was awesome to be able to help him through the process and talk with him about what he could expect to feel.  On Tuesday, I had tried new drinks with Jessica at Delta since it's their all-day happy hour.  On Wednesday, I baked a vegan pecan for the first time.  I also helped a resident at my internship register for classes on the PCC website.  It hasn't been an amazing week but I've been thankful for all of the opportunities I've had and all of the friends surrounding me.

the yoga competition

Yoga and competition seems silly to put together but it was actually interesting to watch.  My friends don't do compete regularly.  I think the most competitive thing anyone of us has done in recent memory would be bar trivia.

Sophia competed today with 19 other women.  There were maybe ten or twelve guys but I didn't make it in time to see them.  I saw all of the ladies' competition though and it was pretty impressive.  Sophia didn't make it into the top three but everyone who did place did the wheel so I think that double-jointed contortionists had a leg up on the competition.  The lady who won stood up, bent her head backwards, ended up looking between her legs and I swear that her collarbone was touching the ground.  Like I said, impressive.

What else?
I went to Dick's for the first time.  It's another new place on Belmont.  I may go back there if they keep Hungarian Mushroom Soup on the menu.

paradox benedict

Today was the second time I've eaten at Paradox since the expansion and the first time I've eaten brunch there since the expansion.  It was also my first time trying their Paradox Benedict.  While I loved their homemade vege sausage and their sauce, Tim had a good point.  Their whole menu is basically just a rearrangement of a handful of key ingredients.  But I'm not complaining.  It was good food and it was the highlight of my day.  Other than that, I was quarantined to my room so I could work on my homework.  I went out later (yay for third Saturdays) but it was technically Sunday then so, yes, it was the highlight of the day.

impervius

On Wednesday, I got drenched biking home from my internship.  In the morning, the weather was great but the afternoon brought cold rain and wind.  I had my rain jacket on as well as my rain cover for my helmet but my lower half was sopping wet.  I lived and learned and then got rain booties.  Dave from my internship has them and I was super-jealous on Wednesday when he put them on.  Yesterday, I bought them at Seven Corners and today was my first day of testing them out. I also put on my ski pants which kept me all water-proof.  The only thing exposed were my ears which I will fix next week.  I'm ready for you, Winter!

What else?

 

It's the beginning of the end.  I saw Harry Potter 7.1 with my housemates today.  I hustled everyone out of the house two hours early so we could buy tickets.  There didn't end up being a line so we waited at Kay's Bar and Grill until it started.  Kay's was nice.  The guy working that night seemed really busy but very friendly as well.

The movie was awesome.  I was sorely disappointed in the sixth installment so I'm glad that the director was able to bring it back for the first half of the seventh movie.  The majority of the significant scenes that I could remember from the first half of the book were present in the movie.  It felt a bit rushed but less so than the other films.  Also, they got a lot further than I thought they were going to which means that the next movie is going to be pure action and have a lot of opportunity to focus on some very cool scenes!  It's going to be a long eight months until that one comes out!

affording fords

Seven years ago, I was starving.  I wasn't making great money and I was probably going out to bars too often.  I was also spending WAY too much on mochas.  I remember when I discovered dumpstering.  It was a godsend.  Previously, I was living on a package of veggie dogs a week.  That was about it.  One time in particular, I was strapped for cash and I had no idea what I was going to eat in the morning before going to work.  Fortunately, I jumped into Trader Joes dumpster and found a box of granola (thrown out due to faulty packaging) and some okay bananas.  I remember being so grateful.

Today, I paid way too much for a sandwich, chips and a soda.  As I sat in Fords for the 1st time, I thought, wow, this would have been my total allowance for the days' food supply back then and instead, it is barely supplying a lunch.  It was good although a tad overpriced.  Since I paid off my credit cards and my student loans, I have been able to splurge a bit on food.  I'd feel a little guilty for it if I hadn't starved myself for so long to get to this point.  I'm still thrifty as a general rule.  I don't order too expensive, I judge places based upon their prices and I never pass up a free meal.  However, I have the option to go out to places that seem a little more bourgeois than my budget.

What else?
Speaking of free food, I biked down to Chipoltes downtown because Zipcar said they were giving free burritos to members.  Like I said, I don't pass over free meals...generally.  However, there was a line of at least 40 people waiting for their free lunch.  I had to decide that my time was more valuable than a free burrito.  I ended up at Southeast Grind where I got lost in paper-writing for four hours.  It is by far my favorite place to study.
 

my own family therapy

My teacher said she thinks I need to be in therapy.  Actually, she made it as a blanket statement to the class but I took it to heart.  From where she's coming from, it makes sense.  We all have issues.  If we're trying to help clients work on their issues, we need time separate from them to work on our own baggage so it doesn't interfere with the clients.

Anyhow, today she had us do an exercise which brought us discussing our families and our feelings in small groups.  With this teacher, I don't fear the small group exercises.  Then, we watched this reenactment of multiple therapy sessions with a family where the therapist explains why she was using particular approaches.  All in all, it made me more confident about therapy and really got me to thinking I need to see someone.  I may start doing that soon.

the things i do for work

Here's what I did today; I bugged the hell out of my dog.  Dean hates the vacuum cleaner but I have a client who is obsessed with vacuuming and with Dean so I promised him a video a week or so ago of me vacuuming while Dean barked at the vacuum cleaner.  Dean did his part well.  Yep, that was the whole to-do list for the day.

a random day

I'm trying to figure out some way to put some coherency to my day but it was full of random things I did, most of which were new.

First, Jess and I went to Jam for the 1st time.  I love brunch.  The thing I hate most about my work schedule is that I only get two really good brunches per week.  Brunch is probably the easiest meal made vegetarian.  Jam had a lot of options, both drink-wise and food wise.  Today, I got a coffee, a pineapple/orange mimosa and the JD massacre breakfast burrito.  It filled me up so much that the only other thing I ate today was a small cup of chili.

Then, we went to Vintage Pink because it's right near Jam.  They had some awesome furniture and good pieces of decor but it was all waaaay to spendy.  Part of the problem with working at a thrift store is you see everyday how cheap things can be (and I don't even work for the cheapest thrift store chain in town).

Later on, I biked through the rain up to see Bash Back speak at the Red and Black.  Bash Back is currently in legal trouble for flyering in a mega-church in Michigan.  The same group that defends God Hates Fags is seeking retribution for damages (which they are making up) against Bash Back on behalf of this homophobic institution.

Afterwards, I got my haircut my a new person.  I have realized that I don't go to Bishops for the stylists.  I go there because they give me a beer (even if it is MGD) and the desk guy is super sweet.

Finally, I biked home quick, grabbed my pink i-pod and returned it.  The sound wasn't working on it unless I tweaked the headphones cord a certain way.  I didn't want to bother so I put everything on my phone and ditched the i-pod.  However, this meant biking all of the way home when Bishops is right across the street from Fred Meyers, picking up one small thing and then biking all the way back.  Oh well, it was good exercise since I don't plan to do anything tomorrow! :)

hoppy hour

It's been a long week and I felt that I deserved a break so I met Tim at Hawthorne Hophouse for happy hour.  It's a relatively new place so I was inclined to check it out.  It's a sports bar environment so I probably won't be returning.  Plus, I tried six of their beers as a taster thing and only really liked one of them.  Those aren't good numbers.  Also, they didn't have a happy hour deal on Fridays around 5pm...wait...why did I go there again?

What else?
Afterwards, I shopped some of the stores on Hawthorne after while waiting for my housemates to meet me at Vege Thai.  While at Vege Thai, a staff member saw that Ashes was drinking a beer and gave us another free beer because he just got it in stock and wanted some opinions.  Aside from the fact that they have awesome food with an awesome selection, they now have given me free beer.  They have won a permanent place in my heart.

my path in three minutes

Yesterday, we had a staff meeting at my internship, first with just the house staff and then with the house staff and the case managers.  During the house staff portion, we did a team building exercise where we were supposed to tell what influences we had in our life that led us to do this job.  Obviously mine was different because I was assigned to the agency by the MSW program but I still participated.

I was a bit nervous about it but I decided that I'd like to have the opportunity to come out to them without making a production out of it and this was the perfect time.  I thought back to last year when I came out to my class.  It was nerve-racking and I thought I'd probably lose some potential friendships back then but it ended up being really positive.  So I went for it.  Being gay isn't a focal point in my path but it is an integral part of how I see myself and I thought that I should share that if I was going to be honest with these people.  And it paid off.

I ended up talking for four minutes, not only coming out but just gibber-jabbering, about everything from calling my mom and saying that I think I should just return to Nebraska after not finding work here in the first three weeks to taking a promotion at work as an assistant manager in order to pay for Dean's teeth cleaning.  I didn't get any feedback yesterday but my new favorite co-worker Dave told me that he really appreciated my willingness to be open.  He didn't specifically discuss the coming out part but that was the subtext of his compliment.  Not only did I feel the level of comfort increase with him but also other co-workers seemed to really relax around me and I felt more comfortable with them based upon their three minute stories.  I guess that's a great tip-of-the-hat to the team building exercise.

When I thought about it later, I realized what I was wearing (the outfit in the picture above) and realized that it probably wasn't necessary for me to have to tell them I'm gay. :)

What else?
My new thing today was eating a goat cheese salad.  I have a recently developed appreciation for goat cheese!

Today is Glee on Hulu day (otherwise known as Wednesday).  The show was all about bullying in high school and it specifically and honestly address people getting bullied because of their sexuality.  I love that show.

the notebook

My former co-worker Connie and I used to always talk about how we should write a book about the unusual situations and conversations that we see and have daily at our job as a result of working with people with developmental disabilities.  But who wants to go through all of the trouble and expense of going through a publisher when there's blogging?

Yesterday was awesome.  One of the participants was sitting with his walker out in the office hallway.  I asked him why he wasn't in the ATE room and he stated that he was having problems with another participant because she was too loud.  That's kind of like me saying I have problems with someone because they talk about their dog too much.  This guy is one of the loudest people we have.  However, I told him he could sit at another table away from her.  He stood away from his walker and declared, "That's right!  AWAY from HER!  I hate her VOICE and her PONYTAIL!  And you know what, THIS IS WAR!"  while he pointed to the ceiling in such a dramatic fashion that Charlton Heston would have asked for his autograph.

Today was not so awesome.  My favorite guy, who's hit me with a hat before, hit me with his notebook this time.  He was having an outburst, saying that another participant hit him.  That person hadn't come near him that day and of course, denied it.  That made him more mad and he started saying stuff like, "I don't get to go to the store in May."  We have an agreement that I will take him to the store in May on his birthday so he can buy a bottle of Diet Coke.  We have to go over this arrangement every time I see him.  He gets a Diet Coke everyday but getting it in a bottle is special to him.  However, his sister/guardian recently discontinued pops for him because of health concerns.  So, when he said he won't get to go to the store, I assumed he was putting it together that, since he doesn't get a Diet Coke everyday, he won't be getting one on his birthday anymore.  When I said, "Yeah, no more soda," he exploded.  He grabbed his notebook, which he had previously thrown on the floor and launched it at my face.

In all honesty, I could have ducked it but I had another participant standing in front of me and I was more concerned about it not hitting him.  My favorite guy then took his shoe off (which is standard practice for him) and threw it at a co-worker of mine, hitting her in the shoulder.  I was preparing for the other shoe to come flying when the guy I wanted to not get hit by the notebook brought the shoe back over to my favorite guy, asking him to put it back on.  "Shit," I thought, "The one thing that we have working in our favor is that he only has two shoes.  Don't reload him!"

He continued his fit and finally I decided it wasn't worth it so I lied to him and said that I would take him to get a pop on his birthday.  I'm 95% sure that he won't be in our program in May so it's a lie I can live with.  It's a shame too because, when he's not throwing items at my face, he can be completely awesome to be around.  Without him, my job won't be as interesting and I won't have as much to write or to look forward to.

not so goode

A long night, high drama and paper put off until the weekend before it's due all made for a crappy crappy day today.  However, it was nice for me to be able to take advantage of having a table set up in our dining area and spread my homework out.  Nine hours later and I'm done.  I don't think that it's my best work but it's passable.  I don't know anymore.  After a day of working on it and nothing else, my brain is fried. Soooo, it's the perfect time for cartoons.

Melissa twittered out about this cartoon the other day and it was my source of relief today.  That and this video of a puppy sleeping.  It's hard to believe this cartoon about a vegan, anti-oppressive, anti-consumerist family was created by Mike Judge.  A lot of the jokes poke fun at the contradictions inherent in the lifestyle but it still is way awesome.  I needed some awesome today.  The episodes are available through youtube.

What else?
 My new thing today was eating duck eggs.  I've never really thought about the possibility of eating them before but they were fine.  They were from a friend's land so it felt much better to eat them rather than store bought.

brand new pony

The awesome people that put on Blowpony brought their talents to Autonomy tonight for the first of what hopefully will be a monthly gig.  It wasn't near as big as Blowpony but it was still well attended for the initial night.  It's awesome to have such a strong queer presence in the space.  I wish it wasn't on a Friday nite because that means the first Friday of every month will be a super-long day for me but, hey, it's not all about me.  However, I do want to make sure to be here for it so I guess I'll just have to suffer.

There was some drama (not with the wonderful event organizers) in the space before time which put a really uncomfortable vibe in the space.  I just hope that the Pony can ride into the space again next month and hopefully have a drama-free presence.

the happy valley

This morning started off with me dumping a cup full of coffee in my lap.  Fortunately, it got better.

I normally work at my internship on Wednesdays but I switched today for yesterday because one of my clients, one of my favorite clients had a photo shoot for the cover of the company newsletter today.  This isn't the first client I've promoted to the cover of the newsletter.  It's not even the second.  I've tried to make sure that I have one of my clients on the cover each year.  So far, I've been successful.  I guess that double major in English/Public Relations has come in handy.

While I am good and persistent at promotion, this particular guy has done amazing this past year and was a very easy sell to the marketing department.  I am extremely proud of the progress he has made.  Of course, my opinion may be swayed by the fact that he calls me every single weekday to leave a message on my work voice mail, saying what a great job he's doing and that I'm an awesome guy.

The photo shoot today was at his mom's house.  It was also a fabulous day today so I was determined to ride my bike around.  I took mass transit and bike to all of my stores and then up to Happy Valley where his mom resides.  You'd think that if they were going to name a place, 'Happy Valley,' it wouldn't be a gigantic hill.  I can do hills but this was ridiculous.  I had to stop after a while and walk the bike.  By the time I got to their house, my backpack had left a large sweat stain on my shirt which was embarrassing but I got kudos for riding my bike.

The shoot went great.  This guy has a very supportive family so it was more of a party.  His mom had bought food and cheesecake for everyone.  Not only did they take pictures of him but also of the whole family and pictures of his grandpa playing pool with him.  I think everyone walked away from it thinking of it as a positive experience.

The ride back was awesome.  I had a little more uphill to do (where I took the picture above) and then coasted downhill so quick I had to ride the brakes on the sharp turns.  It ended up dumping back onto the Springwater Corridor which I took home.  I love my job!

back splash

Today I bought and hooked on a rear fender for my tire to prevent my backside from getting wet.  Woooo, I'm living on the edge now.

What else?
 But this is what I really wanted to write about.  I am starting to learn to keep my opinions to myself.  I have a very rigid barometer for what I believe to be right and wrong.  For example, take the music at my internship.  One of the residents in particular likes to listen to misogynistic rap which I feel is wrong.  It's not okay to talk about women using the B word and saying how you're gonna treat them like shit and hit em.  That's just wrong.  It's been probably my biggest complaint because we also espouse to be a safe space free of oppression.  Degrading women, even if it is to a catchy beat and even if it is 'just a song' is oppressive.  However...I'm learning that I've got to pick my battles.

The residents have had some messed up stuff happen to them and they don't come to this program for PC Education 101.  They come so they can gain the skills, experience, education and savings to eventually sustain themselves in a healthy manner.  While it would be great if they didn't listen to that crap, it's also a lesson for another time.  If I have the opportunity to speak to them casually but frankly about the music, I'll take it but I'm going to not push it for the time being.

In fact, I'm going to become a little less pushy with my own agendas in dealing with many people in my life about many things.

That all being said, I did really enjoy my internship today.  Having a great co-worker around for guidance and to talk to makes it so much more worthwhile.