chai rum toddy

I don't normally drink in the morning but I'm celebrating getting my paper done today.  My housemates were in the mood for hashbrowns and we needed to go somewhere that served vegan food so we went to Cricket Cafe.  I haven't been there in years which was apparently way to long because that place is great!  I had a chai rum toddy which is chai tea, rum and...a whole lot of other things.  I also had the Sailor Hash which was cajun potatoes, grilled veggies, veggie sausage with two egges and hollandiaise sauce on top.  Oh so very good!

day of focus

I have hardly slept this week.  I spent the evenings researching my paper and I would dream about it at night.

I decided that it was time for me to get to work.  I started the morning at Papaccino's researching my paper.  After a bit, I realized that I couldn't really concentrate when I was there so I went to the PSU library instead.  Yesterday, my new thing was going to the fifth floor of library to find a magazine.  Today, I went back there because I saw that it was the quiet floor.  The above picture was the view I had in the window next to the desk I camped out at.  I spent at least five hours, focused on my paper and research, running up and down the floors (going to the basement for the first time), finding articles and ended with almost a complete paper.  I went back home and watched a documentary about social cognitive theory and finished the paper.

Really, I felt like I was in a montage that lasted nine hours but I came out of it smarter and got my paper done.  Yay!

What else?
I went to Barbarella tonight with Dominic, Ashes and Victory at the Bagdad as soon as I was done.  I remember watching the movie when I was really young, like back in 85 or 86.  The only part I remembered was the dolls with teeth biting Barbarella.  The movie is fascinating and funny but I wished I could have stayed awake for it.  Chances are I'll sleep better tonight though.

sex and the feminist theory

I did my first in-class presentation today for my master's program today and we incorporated "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas.  My teacher had started off the class with Tracy Chapman singing, "Get Up Stand Up"  which provided a sharp contradiction to "My Humps."  Anyway, the teacher really liked it and it provided several good talking points.  Really, it does an excellent job of providing an example the different types of feminist theory on the overt sexualization of women in the media.

First off, there's the radical feminists who advocate for the censorship of porn and overt sexualization in the media because they believe that it has a direct tie in to the victimization of women.  On the other hand, there's the libertarian feminists who believe that women are sexual beings and the promotion of their sexual nature in the media when it's not for procreation is liberation and they hate the idea of censorship.  Finally, there's the socialist feminists who don't agree with censorship but see that the sensationalized sexualization of women in the media as a construct of this patriarchal capitalist society.  All of these things are portrayed in "My Humps."  Fergie is strutting her humps around, playing up her sex appeal for fun.  However, she also basically says that she can be bought (although not used) and the guys in the band ask what she's gonna go with her body like she is a commodity.  Bam, all points of view wrapped up into on bad pop song.

Along with the video, the rest of the presentation went well.  It was pretty easy for me.  I spent four years in high school in speech competitions as well as the last few years at work doing trainings.  I was well prepared and I think that it showed.

the pro of procrastination

I spent most of this quarter with a few projects and papers looming over me. My group project assignments have just come together in the last few weeks. If I was a smarter person, I would have been working on my individual papers in the meantime. But no, I didn't do that. Now I suffer.

For the next few weeks my posts may be irregular or just plain nonexistent while I get my act together. I can do this but I gotta focus.

However, I still intend to take care of myself. Tonight I went to the PSU gym & used a few machine like the rowing thing & the forearm buster that I haven't used before but I really enjoyed. I'll be finding time to use them again.

dry run

For my theory class, we have to do a group presentation on how one developmental theory views a social work problem.  The theory we chose to use is the feminist theory and the social work "problem" is the overt sexualization of women in the media and how it affects a 'healthy' sexual development for an adolescent girl.

I tried not to work on homework this weekend but I couldn't avoid this presentation because it's due on Wednesday and we had not yet as a group run through it.  We had worked on the powerpoint but we were kind of just hoping that all of our info would blend together nicely to make a thorough presentation.  I rehearsed my section this weekend but I really don't have a problem public speaking.

Some of the media we chose to examine is music videos.  Luckily, we narrowed it down to just one video, My Humps which is perfect for the topic.  The idea is to not skew the audience and let them judge for themselves whether the media is objectifying women.  My Humps is sung by Fergie so it's questionable if it's empowering (Libertarian Feminists view sex for the fun of it as liberating because it's not for reproduction) or oppressive (as the Radical Feminists view it).  We also looked at video games which employ disproportionate body figures and skin tight outfits.  I've played the game pictured above (Final Fantasy X2) and I thought of it as liberating in a sense because it's sisters, doing it for themselves.  But then again, there's those short shorts.  The guys in FF are not dressed in skin tight skimpy outfits.

My new thing was running through this and checking out a practice room at the library.  It's a great resource.  The practice wasn't perfect but I think that it'll pass.  There was also some disagreement about what we were going to use in the presentation.  I guess that's a group presentation that takes everyone's opinions into consideration.  I think it'll work out for the best though...hopefully.

sweet creek falls

 

I took the long way home today and went to Sweet Creek Falls.  I googled Suislaw National Forest since I was going to drive back through there to get home to see what attractions there were.  I saw that they had some falls and decided that I had to see them.  Fortunately, it's only 10 miles of paved road out of the way and the hike itself was 1 mile in and 1 mile out of absolute beauty.  

I climbed out onto a rock next to the creek to get a photo of some of the falls and fell in.  There was still frost around so I should have figured it'd be slick. I didn't die.  I just got my butt and shoes wet but I saved my camera.  Dean came out to try to help me but he could barely walk on the deck of the rental house without falling down so I ended up having to help him back up as well.

We both made it out okay though and got back to town with no issues.  Overall, it was an amazing trip in it's peacefulness.  The rental house (Bayshore Rentals in Waldport) was great, reasonably priced with a very friendly, non-intrusive staff.  The rental car (Dollar Rentals) was nice but the clerk sort of misled me.  He asked if I wanted "insurance" on the car for just an extra $21.  I didn't want to buy a Ford Focus if something were to happen so I got the insurance.  It turns out that it was $21/day.  Oh well, it was still worth it.

When I got back, I got a call from Dominic who wanted to know where the hell I had been.  I told him and he seemed surprised and shocked that I went off by myself and wasn't willing to take any other human along.  I think that some people just aren't wired that way.  When I took the Myers-Briggs test, it showed that I am really introverted.  While some may see this as a social problem, it really just means I draw my energy from within and not from other people.  I need the time alone to process things.  And it worked.  I feel ready to tackle the world again.

What else?

Dean apparently needs his own bed and bedroom.  While I was in the house the first night, working on my computer in the living room, I noticed Dean wasn't on the floor.  I found that he had chosen his bed (before I had) and slept there both nights.  It was weird that I had to get him up in the mornings.

Also, I decided that I had to get out on Sunday night and reconnect with humanity.  I met some friends at Zach's Shack for some drinks and dogs.  My bike has decided to work against me as the back breaks are locking up whenever I go up a hill.  I think it may be time for a new bike.  And Jesse gave me a book about a dog (not the Marley book) that I went looking for this weekend.  I want school to be done with so I can take some me time to read it.

the nothing

 

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do while I'm here and while I have some time to myself.  Today, I figured out what it was: Nothing.  And I did it well.

I took a long walk around the beach, close to the Alsea Bay Bridge.  During the walk, I was making the motion of going forward but I was lost in thoughts of nothing but wonder.  I didn't have any big life-altering moment of decisiveness and clarity.  I just walked.

Tonight, I headed down to the waterfront again with Dean right as the sun had went down.  We didn't walk that far at all, just close to the water.  I took some time and just stared off into the ocean.  Dean was fee to wander wherever and I was free to wonder.  The sound of the ocean was drowning out any other noise and it was natural.  This loud roaring usually reserved for jets in the city was a constant natural roar on the coast.  The black water seemed to loom higher than me while blue, pink and orange streaks gave way to darkness on the water which could contain anything below it.  By the time I stopped staring, Dean was barely visible as he wove in and out of sand dunes, scarcely lit by the quarter moon and the stars had begun to appear.  That was exactly what I had come here for.

off to a good start

And so my getaway begins.

It took three hours to drive here at Waldport from my house.  On the way out, I had a chance to think about what I want to get out of this vacation.  It's just two nights but I'm going to be by myself.  I want to relax by getting away from what's been causing so much pressure and I'm not just talking about school and work.  I constantly feel the pressure to go out just by being a single gay man.  I've been hiding from going out a lot, using school as an excuse.  However, I think that I could do it all.  I just need to figure out how I want to go about doing 'it all.'

The beach alleviates a LOT of pressure.  Within the first 10 minutes of walking on the beach with Dean, I knew that the expense of this weekend was all worth it.  Man, that was relaxing.  The car I rented to get here was nice too and the house is great.  It may be a bit small for a family but I think it's perfect for me.  I watched the sunset over the ocean from the porch today.

I really have no clue what I am going to do tomorrow but I am glad I'm here.

feel it coming together

Today I had my friend Jess from Phame come talk to two groups of our clients at work.  It was nice because A) Phame is awesome and I think that a lot of my clients would get something good out of it and B) I've never arranged for a guest speaker at work, especially not a friend that I've known for over a decade(!).

I also wanted her to be able to see a sampling of my current work environment and I was interested in seeing her on the the job because we've worked together for a few years at different organizations and in various capacities.  Really, it's weird to think that we both began as cashiers at a video store in Kearney, Nebraska and now we're each helping manage separate advocacy organizations for people with disabilities in Portland, Oregon.

34

Ugh, it's birthday time again.

I don't know when I started not liking my birthday.  I actually think it's when I began living with people that have parties every year for their birthday.  I mean, big, themed, up-til-dawn parties.  I kind of feel like there is that expectation that I'm supposed to do that but that's not me.  I think all of my friends here know that by now but I still feel this nagging feeling inside like people are going to looking to me to enjoy myself.  Just because it is the anniversary in the man-made calendar of the day of my birth doesn't mean that it's going to automatically be a good day.  I think that I should have the right to treat it like any other day.  However, I also feel that people should buy me drinks.

Despite the stress of school and the responsibility of work, I ended up deciding pretty much at the last minute to go out.  Ashes and I went to the Pub At the End of the Universe because that's my fall back place but NOT ANYMORE.  I don't want to be really harsh on them but yeah I do, screw them because they turned me away on my BIRTHDAY for having a cracked ID.  Actually, they turned me away because the bartender is a jerk and most likely too stoned to make a Colorado Bulldog. 

On New Years Eve, they began serving liquor there.  Since it was my birthday, I decided not to go with a beer on tap and went with a mixed drink.  Yes, a lot of people in Portland get a confused look when I say, "Colorado Bulldog" which is when I throw out it's alias, "Smith & Wesson."  Still, this guy was confused so Ashes offered to look the drink up on his I-Phone App (ahhh the future).  The guy still didn't seem happy although nobody else was in the entire bar but us, him and the owner.  I've seen her a number of times too.  When I showed the bartender my ID, he said he was suprised that it was good for eight years and then refused to take it because the bottom is cracked.  I've had most barkeeps point this out but I've never had anyone turn me away (except Safeway and screw them too).  It was also insulting because I've been there so often, I don't look under 21, I have recommended numerous people to that pub AND it was my damn birthday.  The owner said they couldn't take it and asked me if I had another form of ID.  I told her yes, I have my passport and I'll show it to them at the C-Bar.  So I said me and my crew were going to meet up there instead.  The Pub is now dead to me and I will run it and it's too-stoned-to-serve staff into the ground whenever the topic of bars come up in any conversation.

Anyway, it may seem like that really pissed me off but I was actually fine with going to the C-Bar because I wanted food too and it's really difficult to get someone at the Pub to take your order for food, much less make it on time (see!).  The bartender at C-Bar didn't need me to explain what a Colorado Bulldog was and was even able to improvise one with non-sweetened whipped cream instead of half n half which they were out of.  I also had there Veggie Burger which Sophia says may be the best in town.  It was good but I don't know if I can say it's better than DC Vegetarian's.

Well, I did have a handful of friends come out.  It was nice and easy.  Just what I wanted.  BHT isn't pictured in the picture above because he took it and I stole it from his blog.  :)

what i wanted to learn in college

Tonight, a classmate and I met to prepare our presentation for class.  We're doing a presentation with four other people but we hadn't really worked out our part very well.  We've been trying to do it over e-mail but that's failed something spectacularly so we decided to do it in person.  I was thinking at a library but he was thinking at a bar.

It's weird but I did want to actually focus on this assignment and I was determined that we wouldn't be able to do it at a bar.  Still, I didn't have a better suggestion since the only time we could meet was after 9pm.  To top it off, it's Mardi Gras night.  This night used to mean fun, dressing up and debauchery to me.  Now, it was just a free night to continue studying.

We met at the Night Light which was probably a great choice considering how low key it is.  And, surprise, we actually did get a good amount of our presentation figured out.  However, more importantly than that, we got to just hang out outside of school and stayed out til around midnight just gabbing.  When I decided to go back to school, I was really looking forward to just meeting some cool people and I think Allyn is one of those people.  He has been and he's going a hell of a good social worker.  He's got a plan and I feel fortunate to get to know him.  He's a gamer but not a Wii gamer.  He's into the war games which I would never play.  However, we did find common ground in Final Fantasy which I really miss.  We also talked about where each of us are coming from and what each of us want to do.  I don't know why but it was really refreshing.

This social work studies is really doing a number on my whole misanthrope persona.  That's a good thing.

the roseway

Tonight I saw Avatar in 3D.  It didn't help the movie that much.  I think the special effects are amazing but they were amazing last time I saw them.  3D only made it so the ash looked like it was floating in the theater.  However, I did get to see it in the Roseway for the first time.  I was determined that, if I saw it in 3D, it would not be in a multiplex.  The Roseway has held over Avatar since I got back from Nebraska after Christmas.  Apparently some other people think that it is really worth it.

topher's bike adventure

What a glorious Saturday day and it started out at Dairy Queen of all places.

One of the clients at work has his birthday the day before mine.  We were talking about it last week and he asked if I wanted to go to lunch with him and Connie for our birthdays.  I agreed because my co-worker Connie is one of my best friends at work and I thought we would do it during work hours.  However, it turned out to be on a Saturday.  So I biked to Division, took the bus to SE 136th and Division.  I turned out to not be there though.  It was at 136th and Foster instead so I biked there quick.  While biking there, I passed the Springwater Corridor and I discovered how I was going to get back.

Lunch was good.  I was going to try to eat healthy at Dairy Queen but then I thought that would just be silly so I indulged in a choco-cherry blizzard and fries.  I knew I would have to work the calories off later though.

The bike back down the Springwater corridor was great.  I've barely biked the corridor and it has been a goal of mine to go further out.  I can say that I have seen it up until 128th now.  I did have to cross some busy roads but it was nice to mostly be on a bike path.  I even went without my helmet because a lack of cars makes it unnecessary.  Also, the frogs were singing on the side of the path so I immersed myself in my ride and went without headphones as well.

I biked down to the Sellwood bridge, losing the corridor near the Goodwill bins.  It was my first time across the Sellwood bridge.  This led me to the Willamette Greenway Trail.  It was mostly along the same path that we took for the kiwanis walk.  However, it went on further through the westside waterfront area.  What the Greenway trail did (and what the Corridor fails to do) is draw arrows on the pavement when it gets off a clear trail.  That helped guide me to PSU where I did some running on elliptical machine and did a light workout.

I'd say I burned off my calories and in the most delightful way...well, maybe the second most delightful way. ;)

What else?
I also went to Bishops downtown when I was there and got a desperately-needed haircut at a new site from a new stylist.

Also, in the evening I went to Homomentum.  It was pretty much like every other Homomentum which is to say fabulous.  An added bonus was a stand-up routine about polyamory based upon Abbott and Costello's Who's on First.  However this one was "Who's on Friday?"  The premise was that the two guys were in an open polyamorous relationship where one of the stipulations was that they tell each other who they are seeing and on what night.  The schtick was that "Who" was Friday's date, "What" was Saturday's date and "I Don't Know" was Sunday's date.  It was very well done and well written.  I only wish I had been able to hear it better.

jerk

I took a small break from DC Vege today to spice it up and I found Asaase Ital Caribbean-African Vegetarian/Vegan cart.  I had the jerk chick'un and an ital sambusa.  It wasn't a lot of food but it was good and spicy.  I brought it to my class and the stupid floor is shut down after 6pm (you can leave but you can't return) so I was left to have my mouth BURN while I sat in class.  I'm not sure if I'll back there soon but I did notice a Lebanese place across the street which I will be trying soon.

What else?
I got a little beetle light for my bike.  I'm tired of the headlamp and I want something to attach to the bike.  I hope it doesn't get stolen.

Since my acupuncturist gave the a get-out-of-lifting card for the week, I decided to work on cardio.  I used this weird moon-walking (not MJ style) elliptical machine at the PSU gym.

the reluctant bike ninja

When I began biking, safety was a minor concern.  As I started to bike more, I got more and more careless, primarily because cautiousness on a bike is mostly due to the fact that there's so many damn dangerous drivers.  As Yehuda Moon says, why should I have to strap a hunk of styrofoam on my head even though car drivers are the problem?

However, I have since learned better and become more concerned about TBI so I wear a helmet.  Today, I also lost my bike light.  I swear that there is a mouse in our house who is stocking up on bike lights and thumb drives because I lose them impossibly quick.  Anyway, I had to head downtown after work but it was still daylight so I thought I'd have enough time to buy one quick.  Well, I didn't and I was downtown and unable to find an open shop.  I was surprised by how afraid I was of biking at night without a light.  I managed to do it by taking sidewalks and back roads and I made it to southeast where I found that every bike shop had just closed ten minutes ago as well.

I was safe enough getting home and I was probably unnecessarily cautious.  However the first questions any motorist will ask when they hear about a cyclist being hit by a car is "Did they have a helmet?" and "Did they have a light?" like it's their fault they got hit if they didn't have those things.  I don't want to give them that ammunition so I'm buying a light tomorrow.

What else?
I'm going away.  I decided this weekend that I was definitely going to go to the beach with Dean over my birthday weekend.  I shopped around this weekend for a rental house that would take a dog and I tried to figure out my transportation situation.  It would cost more to insure my car for a month than it would to rent a car for three days so that's the option I chose.  Screw Geico and 21st Century BTW.  I decided on a beach house and called.  It was booked but they were willing to let me stay in a better and cheaper one even though their ad said, "Small dogs only."  I put down the deposit, booked my car and set my sights on getting away.

Also, I got poked again.  Yesterday at the gym, I think I lifted too much as my right wrist was really hurting today.  I had no faith in Western medicine to fix it so I went to BCA.  It hurt when they poked around my wrist but I believe that it'll get better.  The good thing is though they told me not to lift for a week.  I feel like I'm been given a break!

how i operate

This is often my plan.  When I feel that I need to get some studying done, I think, "Oh, I should go to Papaccinos" but it rarely happens.  Since Funky Door closed down, Papaccinos is my new getaway because it has coffee and couches.  It's relatively close-by but there's just the hill leading up to 39th and going to 41st that I really really hate and it keeps me away for the most part.

Today, I decided I HAD to go so I went and stayed four-five hours.  Despite the many customers, it's a great place to focus.  The number of people around make me self-conscious about going to the social networking sites so I tend to just do my homework.  I read several articles and it was probably one of the most productive mornings I've had so far.  I think the time frame counts as a new thing for me but, just in case it doesn't, I also had their breakfast sandwich for the first time.  It was a tad over-priced for just egg and cheese but it was the price I paid for staying there for five hours.

placement fair

We had our placement fair for the school of social work today.  I was told to go but I don't really know why.  There were a whole lot of organizations and businesses there that I could end with interning with next year but the problem is I don't get a choice.  They're just going to put me with someone.  It's kind of frightening.  I'm gonna be stuck working two days a week for 30 weeks with someone that I didn't select.  In the past I've been known to quit jobs within 14 days if I wasn't happy.  I hope this will be okay.

If I did have my choice though, I don't know who I'd want to intern with.  I like Bridges to Independence a lot.  I think they do awesome work and I think it could be a mutually-beneficial internship.  However, I may be working with folks with DD for the rest of my life.  This may be one of the few opportunities to try something new with not a lot to lose.

I didn't even get much of a chance to shop around though today.  I got there at the last hour of the fair and several booths were already packing their stuff up.  I've been there but I was a bit disappointed.  I did get to see some former classmates that I haven't seen yet this year.  They all looked a lot more confident than I am.  I won't find out about where I'm placed until next quarter though so I shouldn't get worked up about it now.

What else?
My housemate is trying to fatten us up.  We've had awesome meals all week.  Today was no exception but it was lamb stew (not real lamb obviously) and bread with cheese fondue.  I ate so damn much.  Oi.

the lost boys

Technology becomes so pervasive that we forget how to live without it.  Take cell phones for instance.  I've been advocating for one of my clients to be "bus-trained" so that he can ride the city bus independently.  However, I then discovered that his cell phone has been disconnected because he racked up over $1000 in downloads on it.  Therefore, I thought maybe it wouldn't be a good idea for him because he doesn't have a way to call and check in.  However, his home provider pointed out that we've survived as a species, all growing up and becoming independent and many of us didn't have cell phones.  He'll be fine so he gets to ride the bus on his own without a cell phone.

Today, we had a similar issue with Raven.  He didn't have his cell phone, we didn't know exactly where he was and we weren't quite sure what to do.  I drove around the street that he's familiar with to look for him.  We almost called the cops and then he came home.  He recognized some landmarks and was able to navigate his way back without getting real lost or needing a cell phone.

When I was a tad younger than him, I ventured from the go-straight-home-from-school plan and ended up hanging out with some classmates.  It was fun but ultimately I was unprepared for the independence.  Plus it was in Yankton, SD, a city that I hadn't lived in that long and was significantly bigger than Hartington, Nebraska.  I ended up wandering around town and finding my dad's work.  He had gone home already but our neighbor who was also a good family friend and my dad's co-worker was still there so she took me home.  I think I got yelled at but it didn't really impact me because I was already frightened enough to not do it again.

I'm glad Raven has more street smarts than I did at that age.  Technology may be a crutch but I think that it's rash to say that it's dumbing down a generation.  It becomes a crutch but it doesn't disable us completely.

What else?
Speaking of Lost boys, Jawyer is back!  Lost began it's last season last night and will prove to be my undoing for this quarter.  I had big plans tonight about getting my environment ready for some studying.  Instead, I watched the two hour premiere on Hulu.  I've got to keep that in check.

Also, I saw the guy from my last post.  He shaved his beard.  It's funny but that makes all the difference in the world.  I'm a big proponent of facial hair.  I almost wanted to thank him for doing it because it made everything a lot easier.  Either I wasn't crushin' as hard as I thought I was or I'm that shallow and have no interest any longer because he shaved.

heartbreak beat

I am a glutton for punishment. If I wasn't, I wouldn't fall for the straight ones.

At least, I didn't get overly invested in the possibility of being with this guy this time. Usually when I fall for a guy, I dwell on him a lot and become prematurely emotionally attached. I'm well aware that this isn't healthy which is why I'm proud of myself for ending my delusion early enough on.

Obviously this isn't a new thing for me. My new thing would be an evening group meeting for school which was almost equally frustrating initially until we figured out what we were doing. I also used a new piece of gym equipment, a modified inclined press. The best thing right now about these frustrations is that the propelled one hell of a workout.