the nothing

 

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to do while I'm here and while I have some time to myself.  Today, I figured out what it was: Nothing.  And I did it well.

I took a long walk around the beach, close to the Alsea Bay Bridge.  During the walk, I was making the motion of going forward but I was lost in thoughts of nothing but wonder.  I didn't have any big life-altering moment of decisiveness and clarity.  I just walked.

Tonight, I headed down to the waterfront again with Dean right as the sun had went down.  We didn't walk that far at all, just close to the water.  I took some time and just stared off into the ocean.  Dean was fee to wander wherever and I was free to wonder.  The sound of the ocean was drowning out any other noise and it was natural.  This loud roaring usually reserved for jets in the city was a constant natural roar on the coast.  The black water seemed to loom higher than me while blue, pink and orange streaks gave way to darkness on the water which could contain anything below it.  By the time I stopped staring, Dean was barely visible as he wove in and out of sand dunes, scarcely lit by the quarter moon and the stars had begun to appear.  That was exactly what I had come here for.