re-orientation

When I agreed to go back to college, I thought, "Okay, this will be a fun experiment.  It might not go well but I can at least give it a shot since work is going to pay for it."  It was basically a work assignment.  There was very little pressure.  I wanted to get in (to feel accepted) so I was excited when that happened but I have been less compelled to prove myself after having a University validate my worth.  However, now that it's the eleventh hour and school is just about here, I've got to say that I'm a bit more nervous.

Honestly, throughout my entire educational history, I'd say I studied maybe half of what I was supposed to do.  I was a solid B- student simply because I test well.  At community college, when I figured out that you could skip classes and nobody cared, I was closer to a C- student.  However, thanks to some friends forging a letter from the Dean of Students, saying that my shoddy attendance would be reported to my parents, I began going to classes again and finding things that interested me.

But now I'm in a Masters Program and feeling more than a little pressure.  First off, I want to succeed because I really love this field of Social Work.  I'm quite passionate about it and would like to think that this is where my future lies.  Second, my brother and sister both have Master's Degrees.  Since everyone in my family knows that I'm going back to school, I can't quit if it gets too hard.  Third, work is paying for school but only after I get an A or a B.  I have to pay for my books and tuition initially and will only get reimbursed if my grades are worthy.  Wow, pressure!

At pre-orientation, I was with other part-time students who are going through the program in three or four years.  Today, I got assigned to a table with a whole lot of two year students who were talking about where they were interning already.  Crap, it took me an extra fifteen minutes just to find the building where the orientation was taking place.  Plus my advisor didn't show so I felt an even greater sense of not-belonging.

However, after lunch, I was placed with the other part-timers and felt a lot more comfortable.  After a library tour, I made a point to take up the MSW Director of Student Affairs and the MSW Program Director (who, BTW, announced in his address to incoming students that he is an openly gay man and wished to especially welcome all GLBTQ students!!!).  I actually had some legitimate questions about my course of study but I was also just wanting to make sure they knew who I was so I could be sure my needs were being met.  They were both very friendly, helpful and approachable.  They gave me some really good insight into the avenues I should pursue to fit my interests.  They even talked me into taking an additional class on supported employment.

I hope that I'm able to balance this all.  I hope that I can keep my job, my schooling and my sanity.  I hope I can reorient myself into study mode and actually pull it all off.