whose v? rv!

You know how you get one set thing in your mind and everything that varies from that established norm can throw you off? Well, allow me to demonstrate. Camping involves tents, campfires, latrines, freedom and general discomfort. Well, for a while, I was thinking that we were going camping this weekend so the Nehalem Bay State Park really threw me off.

RV 'camping' is not camping in the traditional sense whatsoever. There are working bathrooms, you can refrigerate your food and cook it on a stove at your convenience. Plus dogs have to be on leash a lot of the time. It really threw me off for a while this weekend as we took Bertha Blue (the RV) out on her maiden voyage. I finally came around though when I accepted it as a vacation and not a camping trip.

For a vacation, taking the RV rocks. It gets you really really close to nature without all of the discomforts that come along with it. Plus we got to spend a lot of time on the beach and the beach has never been a part of my camping experience. I'm not sure if I'd do it again because I do enjoy roughing it but, hey, I do like new things.

the best fireworks ever

Fireworks aren't usually my thing. I went through a stage in my life avidly avoiding them but the Rose Fest fireworks show is the best fireworks display I've ever seen. I absolutely love it and I've only missed it once since I've been here when I headed back to Nebraska for my class reunion (which wasn't really worth it). This year, we had awesome seats right on the water. Everyone else was on the east side esplanade. We were in front of the esplanade. The river was practically touching my toes. I had to look straight up to see the fireworks. It was freaking sweet!

buying into 'murika (f*ck yeah)

I bought into the 'Murikan attitude today, stimulated the economy and bought myself a flat screen monitor. I also bought into the bigger, newer and better form of capitalism that pisses me off oh so often. And I'm not happy with it.

I am resistant to change. Upgrading technology has never really made too much sense to me unless something just isn't working. It's like my car. I can't see buying another one until this one is unable to move. So why the hell did I just spend $200+ (before rebates) on a monitor when I have a working one already?

The answer is this stupid economic stimulation check that we got. It's free money to me now and I feel the need to appease my urges like improved quality with my computer. I spent last weekend reorganizing my room which resulting in me needing a wireless keyboard and mouse. No problem. They were only $40 and kind of necessary with my new arrangements. However, they got me started on the superfluous computer expenditures and I ended up dropping a load of money without really thinking about it. So now I have buyer's regret.

Really, the quality just isn't there for the price it cost. Plus it makes everything on the computer look like crap. You can easily see the flaws in the pictures and downloaded video and youtube videos. It's like when I bought a brand new couch years and years ago and put it into my living room full of used furniture and milk crates. It was a glaring reminder of the inadequacy of all of its counterparts. It's a slippery slope that ends up with mass amounts of money being spent on constant upgrades. It's people working jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need. It's stopping here though. I packed it up already and it's going back to the store tomorrow. I will have to be dragged into the next technological advances kicking and screaming.

the yoga eventuality

There are several eventualities for me. I think that I know myself well enough to know that there are certain things I will definitely end up doing in my life time. As I've mentioned before, vegetarianism was one of them. Getting a tattoo is another one. I know it's just a matter of time and circumstance. Yoga has also been one of my eventualities. I was inevitably going to start doing yoga regularly. Today I started that eventuality.

I went to my first yoga class today, starting my instruction at Yogashala off of Division. After Chi-Kung, I felt that I was beyond prepared for beginners yoga. However, I do like starting at the beginning so that I feel I'm not missing anything. It was nice and relaxing. There were only two other students there so I received a lot of attention from the teacher, which was good this time. I did the mountain stance, the horse pose, the rock pose, the locust and a couple of others.

It wasn't all spiritual like I thought it would be. I have no problem with mediation but I don't like to pay homage to deities. There wasn't a lot of pressure to do that. It was all just very nice and chill and I thought I performed rather nicely. I'm looking forward to going again!

who's bayard rustin?

Nearly every major city has a street in it named Martin Luther King (street, blvd, ave, way, etc) but there is no Bayard Rustin street. And why should there be? Who is Bayard Rustin?

Bayard Rustin was one hell of an organizer who worked on defending the Scottsboro Boys, worked on forming the Congress of Racial Equality, protested prisons, boycotted buses, supported South African Resistance, aided Martin Luther King Jr and organized the March on Washington where MLK Jr gave his famous, "I Have a Dream" speech. However, little is retold of the heroics of Bayard because Bayard was gay.

I had never heard of Bayard before tonight when I attended my first class on the GLF taught by bandmate Dominic at PSU. It's a shame that there were only five people in the class because I think that more could stand to hear about him. After organizing for MLK Jr, Bayard was outed to the nation as a queer by a US Rep in an attempt to thwart the march. Bayard stepped back in order to not compromise the movement. Reports say that MLK Jr asked him to step back. They also say that Bayard was shocked because he just assumed MLK Jr would stand up against yet another form of repression. He didn't.

Towards the end of his life, Bayard resurfaced in the world of social justice but this time speaking out for the queers. He said, "When an individual is protesting society's refusal to acknowledge his dignity as a human being, his very act of protest confers dignity on him.”

cloud busting

A friend asked me a few weeks ago if I've ever tried cloud busting and I hadn't so I thought that I'd try it today. I sat in our backyard, which nobody ever does and stared up at the clouds. I only cloud-busted for a short period of time because inspiration smacked me across the face and I was compelled to write. Rock on.

surprise attack

I've had two surprise birthday parties in my life. My first was my 18th birthday. All of my classmates gathered in my house while my mom had me at the community center, running errands with one of my classmates. I was pissed that she was having me run around when all I wanted to do was relax on my birthday. Eventually, she told me to go home and get her a mixing spoon. I did it but I didn't go into the basement where my friends were all hiding. I came back and my mom was shocked and had to send me back for something in the basement this time. When they jumped out and yelled surprise, I nearly fell down the stairs. It was nice.

My second was last year. I ruined it by deciding to call everyone up and celebrate my birthday a day early at the Pub at the End of the Universe. We all got mad drunk and I was very very hung-over the next day. I was in no mood for anything, much less a party in North Portland. However, my roommates talked me into it, promising I could leave whenever I felt like it. I was so dead to the world that I didn't realize what was going on when they all yelled surprise. It took me a bit to figure out that it was a party for me.

Today we had my friend Arturo's first surprise party the day after his birthday. It was a nice small party and he was surprised. And he was happy about it. Happy B-day a day late!

silverados version 2.0

It must have been the heat but I felt restless tonight. I needed to get out so I decided to check out the new Silverados. They moved into their new location this year in January but I've been hesitant about going there for some reason. I'm not quite sure why.

Anyway, I LOVE it!!! It's a multi-level bar now with a balcony overlooking the main floor and the dancers. In the back, there's an additional small bar station to order drinks at and then there's an open atrium with water fountains and everything! And they have a lounge! At their previous location, the lounge was simply the keno machines in the back corner. It sucked. Here it's actually quieter with tasteful wood decor, a pool table and TVs that don't just show porn! Fucking amazing. The only bad part about the bar is how much of my paycheck it is going to eat up!

pool boy

Today I could see while swimming. It sounds un-amazing but it's one of those things sighted people take for granted.

When I was in sixth grade, my class went to the rec center in North Platte to go swimming. I tried to go off the high board but the life guard called me down and told me I had to take off my glasses first. So I did and then I walked back up the plank without being able to clearly see the people below. I thought that this was my life, one more limitation I have.

Walking to the pool today, bushes and trees seemed particularly crisp and clear. I realized that this was the first time I will have gone swimming since my laser eye surgery. No more blurred vision. No more potentially lost contact lenses in the pool. One more restored freedom.

front porch

In college, whenever my roommate Brian and I used to walk about, I would always point out front porches and get all starry-eyed. I love the idea of front porches. Nothing seems more relaxing and inviting to me than greeting people from your front porch in the evening and dusk. However, since I’ve lived on my own, I’ve never had a front porch. We have logs now. We never finished our chopping last year and the logs have instead served as seating for us and neighbors. Today, while we were sitting out there on this perfectly lovely evening, our new neighbor (the new roommate of neighbor Greg) came over and we introduced ourselves. I guess we have the idea of the front porch there without the actual structure. I like that.

grunions

I like kids. They're funny little people that don't always know boundaries and the world is playground. I forget how restricted we can be as adults. It's good to have kids around to remind me of that. Mo, Dom's daughter, is one of the most daring and outspoken kids I know. I don't mean outspoken as a nice way of saying mouthy either. Mo is a darling little punk dressed like a pixie. I child-sat her today for the first time. I've hung out with her a lot before but today was the first day I was responsible for her. She was very sweet and polite and she sang a song about pooping lemons in a grind-core voice. Raven, Mo and I took Dean to the park and were mobbed by a zealous bunch of four-year olds. They took to Dean like a moth to the flame and showed no hesitation in quizzing me about everything. To them, the world, including me, is a story waiting to be told.

a bad aptitude

In high school, I took one of those aptitude tests for jobs. Based on my responses to several questions like "Do you enjoy being outside?" and "Do you like cleaning?", they gave me a choice of different jobs that the computer thought I would be good at. I remember that my choices were garbage man (i'm not kidding) or writer. Obviously, I chose writer. I have yet to fulfill that but it was the path I chose. So why am I doing social work?

Lately, I've been feeling a little more disgruntled with my job. I don't care about what they assign me to. Hell, last Friday, my boss made me attend a birthday party of one of the Program Managers so I could show all of his employees how to play the Wii. To keep me there, they gave me pie and coffee. So it's not like I'm being exploited or anything. I just know that some of the people that I work with who supervise the clients in the stores are getting shafted. It sucks because they're good people and the majority of the clients really thrive on stability so having a high turnover rate in the supervisory department sucks. And then today I felt like I wasn't doing the clients much good either. One guy had a really bad day. I tried to cheer him up at lunch but everything I said seemed to piss him off more. I should've just told him to knock it off but I was trying to reason with him. Another client was upset in the morning and went to bite himself. I laid down on a exercise ball and played dead to distract him so he jumped on me. I knew he wouldn't hurt me but it was a rookie mistake that I shouldn't have made.

Argh. To get away, I took a long lunch at Artemis Foods. It was my first time there. I was disappointed in the overpriced Dragon Chai and I doubt I'll be going back but it was a nice escape. It gave me a chance to clear my head and think about my future and if this is really where I see myself several years from now...

sweet zombie jesus!

What in the hell's a "zompire?" "Zompire" is the name of the annual film fest here in Portland, featuring zombie and vampire movies. I went to this with a bunch of friends last night who are way more into zombie movies than me. If I had to choose, I'd say I prefer vampire movies as a genre, primarily because I don't like a lot of gore. Fortunately, we live in a world where I don't have to choose. I can have both!

The film fest lasted for two evenings but I only went tonight. Friday's films looked too awful. I was more excited about seeing the short films tonight which ended up being the best part of the festival. "Cannibal Flesh Riot" was a really good short. One of my friends thought it went on too long but I was willing to watch even more of it, primarily because it was funny as hell (on earth) and it was in black and white and therefore the gore wouldn't be too much. However, my favorite of the night would have to have been "Zombie Jesus!" It had a hilarious and awesome commentary on religion and was way too short. I could have watched a feature-length version although I'm sure the joke would've gotten old after a bit.

Really, there was only one vampire short tonight and both of the features were zombie flicks and I really enjoyed them. I hadn't seen the 2004 Dawn of the Dead which was wonderful. The comical Wasting Away wasn't great but it was funny and I did appreciate. I now feel more prepared to fight the army of the undead when they end up walking the earth!

vegfest!

A few weeks ago, a fellow-vegetarian friend asked me if I feel snooty sometimes for being vegetarian. He said he did, although he wasn't about to go eat meat. I told him I didn't. I don't always get in people's faces about being eating meat but I know it was the right choice for me. It was one of those eventualities for me. Even when I was a meat-eater in high school, I knew that eventually I'd become a vegetarian. It was just inevitable. I just needed a friend to help me get started. I tried being a vegan two years ago for a week. A egg and cheese bagel brought me back to the land of dairy. I may try again someday but I'm not planning on it anytime soon.

Today, I went to Portland's VegFest, a two-day event of speakers and vendors and cooking demos. I went to see my friends and to be immersed in the 'good vibes,' that general warm feeling that you get when you know you're around like-minded people. But mostly I went for the samples. I was reminded of the Simpsons episode, 'Lisa Gets an A," where the Simpsons decided to hit a natural foods store for an after-church brunch just to fill up on the samples. It was a nice variety of selection and some very tasty vegan cheese which is rare. Maybe I'll give the vegan thing another try after all. But not today.

working without a clipboard

When I first got an office job seven years ago, I lived by the philosophy that all you need to go is walk quickly and carry a clipboard and people will think that you’re busy. And it worked. My job at the time was to do schedules. This was a daunting task to my fellow managers and my boss. It looked impressive but it took me maybe two hours after I went all OCD with the look and uniformity of the schedules. After that, I was able to download techno music and log into Buddhist chatrooms.

Flash forward seven years at a different job for a different company in a different state. My department director’s assistant stopped me at random this morning and asked if I was okay. I said “yes” and “why?” She said that I’m just always so busy and she doesn’t know how I do it. And I don’t even carry around a clipboard anymore. I don’t think of myself as over-tasked but I do always volunteer for whatever menial task is available and I always always always get my paperwork in on time. Anyway, it got me to thinking that maybe I have been working too hard and not relaxing enough. So I took a break.

This isn’t a new thing in and of itself. I occasionally sneak away for coffee. However, this was at least an hour break. I debated even going back to the office at all. I just relaxed with a Dragonfly Chai and wrote in my journal while I watched people go in and out of the Three Friends Coffee Shop. I love having a job where my bosses really don’t check on me, as long as I get my stuff done. And I get it done (and unwittingly seem busy) because I love it. I feel like it makes a difference. I don’t pretend here.

this one's for you, jen

You know what sucks? Getting to the end of the day and realizing you have nothing to blog about and then having to find something quickly. Yuk.

down at the creek

I grew up thinking of a creek (or "crik" as we say in 'Braska) as a small, almost non-existent flow of water, trickling through the pasture. This is a creek in Oregon. Eagle Creek to be exact. I've been to Eagle Creek before but this time I went with some other friends (and Dean of course) and we walked a lot further in than I made it before. This place is amazing.

mayday mayday

Mayday used to be a day where my mom would make cupcakes with a licorice rope handle that I would leave on various friends' doorsteps. I would knock on the door and then have to run away quickly before they could catch and kiss me. (Yes, this is when I was a whole lot younger). As much fun as that was, I like today's tradition as well. Since my first Portland Mayday in 2002, Mayday has meant taking it to the streets. It's a very festive day which hopefully doesn't end in a police riot. Today was festive as well and fortunately did not end up in a police riot!
It started out with a march. I participated in my first machete block.
We marched in the typical circle, stopping at City Hall for a while. At the last march, several people scaled this building so it was highly guarded this time. The demo above is to oppose the new requirement for proof of legal status before granting a driver's license.Then it was off to the First Unitarian Church. I generally avoid churches but the First Unitarian Church has done a lot of good work and is very accepting of all people. Here, we had free food and there was a piñata for the kids.

Overall, a pretty nice day to walk and get back in touch with people. No cupcakes necessary.

i shouldn't drive 55

I drove down Highway 224 today from Milwaukee to Clackamas on my scooter. It's a nice, smooth road but the average speed is 55 mph. I was fine until I started thinking about what would happen if I made a slight mistake and crashed. Fortunately, I survived. It was kind a thrilling like a roller coaster that way.