rimsky korsakoffee house

Rimsky Korsakoffee House is a hidden treasure in Portland. I've been there several times before but today I had the caramel apple cider with whipped topping instead of coffee. I was going to have a different dessert too but you can't beat Rasputin's Vice. But I did note that I didn't have any other dinner. I skipped dinner and just did dessert. That, combined with the cider at there was my new thing. However, my eating habits have been all off lately and this isn't one thing I want to get in the habit of doing.

the movie

One of my friends is shooting a small movie for a creative outlet. It's fun but I didn't want to dedicate too much time to it. He had other friends up until late on work nights and going out and buying costumes. If you're into it, that's cool but it wasn't for me. I got a call tonight to be in the movie as an extra in a party scene at the last minute. As it turned out, I felt up to it so gave it a go.

It was an easy scene. I was supposed to be a party-goer who only had one actual line but it's amazing how much I screwed up that one line. It was cool because it was all in fun though. I'm not big into acting but I like the way he does his movies, all casual like, no additional stress.

the kid connection

I didn’t ever think too much of kids. I knew quite some time ago that I wasn’t going to have to deal with any kids of my own and I didn’t hang with any parents of young children so they were pretty much just out of sight and out of mind. Then Hayleigh came along. My sister had my niece Hayleigh in 1996. That’s when kids because very cool to me. Babies and toddlers are the best. Of course, I say that because I was around Hayleigh so much when she was a baby and a toddler. When she was six, I moved to Portland.

Since then, I have a new niece Marley that I’ve only seen twice. She’s around 1 ½ years old. I feel really bad not seeing her more, especially seeing as how much time I spent with her older sis when she was growing up.

Before I moved in with my current roommates, Ashes warned me, “I have five year old, you know.” It was an adjustment at first and it still has it’s days but I think that living with a child, even if it’s not yours, gives one a different outlook on life, responsibilities and a rejuvenated spirit (sometimes. Other times, it can be flat-out exhausting or loud). For the most part, I feel that I’ve greatly benefited by being around Raven.

Today, my new thing was going to Raven’s friends’ house to pick him up and watching them play the Wii (which I really want now). Kids are often misunderstood or just flat out not heard. I’m glad I can go my little part to try to bridge those generational gaps.

(Marley is the little one in the above picture playing with the lab toy I got her for Christmas)

a dog eat shit walk

I love my dog and try to think that he’s smarter than the average canine. This morning, I watched a PBS special on dogs and they talked about how the different breeds of dogs were bred with certain intentions in mind. A labrador retriever is bred to be smarter so I had a lot of pride in him when we went for our walk. We went by a big gaggle of Canadian geese near a golf course. It was cool to see all of them out there and it was cooler to see them all fly off after Dean and I managed to spook them (unintentionally but it was my first time scaring SO many into flight). Dean got all excited and wanted to smell where they were. Despite the on-lookers standing around, I figured there was no harm in letting him run around in an empty lot. He ran right in there and starting eating the bird crap. I was horrified so I called him back.

We went for a walk around the college and found a bunch of other dogs there. I saw a yellow lab and sent Dean off to play with him and his friends out of comradery. Dean runs up, smells them and then goes back and smells and eats their poo. Yep, that’s my dog, my boy, eating poo. I think I put too much faith in him.

back in the saddle

Portland winters always have that fake-out. After weeks and weeks of seemingly endless rain, we'll get a week or so of dryness and sun. This time, it was cold but still there was sun. I decided to defy the seasons and get back on my scooter.

I had to head to Clackamas for work in the afternoon so I came home and got the scooter. It took a while to get started but I kept revving it up and I even checked the tire pressure (as I am told to everytime I get it serviced). The ride was chilly but I got to take my new helmet out for the first time. It seems large but it's comfortable and it's whole front opens up which is an awesome feature. I think this ride was an anomaly though since they are predicting snow today.

stitchery for the devil

When I was a kid, I had a Snoopy toy that went with me everywhere. Due to heavy use, it was constantly falling apart. My mom was its doctor, patching it up about every other week by sewing a new nose or eyes on it or stitching its arm back on.

Dean’s favorite toy is a little devil with a squeaker inside it. He’s chewed off half of its head, both arms, his tail and a good portion of its back but I keep stitching it up because he loves it so. The other day, I found the devil’s squeaker laying outside his body. It was shaped like a lung. Creepy. Anyway, today, I went out on a search for more squeakers.

Originally, the toy cost me around $.42. After a few different store visits, I ended up finding replacement squeakers at PetsMart. A four pack of squeakers cost me $2. However, it was worth 100 times that to see him love his toy again.

classical style

I was always appalled by the Bugs Bunny cartoon “What’s Opera Doc?” where he dresses in drag, rides around on a fat horse, Elmer Fudd falls in love with him, discovers he’s not a real girl, gets very violent, tries to kill him and then is grief-stricken by it. It’s a lot for a small child to deal with. Hell, it’s a lot for an adult to deal with.

I’m not an opera person anyway. I don’t like big overtures and all that. Give me a steady cat-choking beat any day. However, recently, it was indirectly recommended to me that I give classical a try. Specifically, I was turned onto Chopin’s Nocturne. So, for the first time, I listened to classical music while I worked out.

I’ve always found music to be so pervasive. Different beats, vocals and instruments can bring out different emotions. Usually, I can count on musicals to bring me up. Judy Garland makes me extremely pissed off (I don’t know why). With classical, in the gym setting, I lost myself. I just zeroed in on the music, let it pour through me and I ended up having a better run on the elliptical machine than I have ever had before. Crazy.

I didn’t feel like seducing a short bald man with a horned helmet though.

cause to exist

When I moved to Portland, I didn't know a soul here. The city was unfamiliar to me, it was my first time living outside of Nebraska and I was a bit overwhelmed. Everything was shocking and exhilarating. My friend Shawn moved to Minneapolis after 'Braska so he's put in his time elsewhere but now he's here. Portland is so drastically different from the Midwest. It was nice to connect with someone else on that level, especially since we hung out quite a bit years ago and are now just getting back in touch.

Social interactions are always so akward too after not seeing someone for so many years. People tend to ask, "What have you been up to?" How do you summarize four years in a few sentences or even a few paragraphs? It was cool with Shawn because we were able to gloss over a lot of the formalities and just start talking. It was nice to catch up and compare notes!

in the queen's...court

Among the places I had never gone before was between the breasts of a drag queen. Bobbie Michelle fixed that for me tonight. Thankfully, it was quick and she was wearing a faux-velvet dress instead of beads which could have poked my eye out.

I like drag queens because they can get away with A LOT and they do it with such style.

endurance

I've been working out regularly for years now. I don't even think about how much it's changed me. I've become more disciplined, I feel better and hell, I can lift more. Today I decided to test how far I've come.

I didn't add on as much weight as possible. My roomie tried bench pressing first which is something we don't usually do. I spotted him then he spotted me. While images of Jeffery ran through my head, I realized that I can lift a significant amount more than I could when I tried this YEARS (like more than ten) ago. Go me!

back in (red and) black

A bad eighties hair band once said, "You don't know what you got til it's gone." How true.

It is so nice to have the Red and Black back. I noticed the prices went up just a tad and they don't have alcohol yet but they have a TLP (tempeh, lettuce and tomato) and as long as they have that, they will always have me as a loyal customer.

I ran into several old acquaintances while sitting there. It really helped make it feel like they just had a remodel and they remodeled the view outside while they were at it. Welcome back!

a guy thing

I've usually had more female friends than guy friends. That's just the way it is. I guess I've usually been more comfortable around girls. When I came out, I had several good girl friends back in Nebraska and just a handful of guys. Out of those guys, aside from family, only one still talks to me.

It's weird and I've never really thought much about it until today. My guy friend from the Midwest finally got around to moving to Portland last year. We've been playing phone tag for a while. With the holidays and all that they involve, it's easy for me not to call someone back right away. Anyway, so today, I called him and actually got a hold of him. We got the chance to talk for a while.

I don't know if it's because guys are worse at communication (typically) or it's because I was better at communication with the ladies (which was also typical) but it still is a mighty coincidence that almost none of the guys talk to me anymore. It hurts a little. I understand that they might be feeling lied to but I think I could more easily chalk it up to a slight case of homophobia in the purest sense of the word. I think they're afraid. I would never ever think that any of them as a bigot but I'm pretty sure that I'm one of the few gays they've ever been close to in a friend-like way.

So I don't hold it against them. I'm just really thankful for talking to a guy that knew me before I came out. I'm thrilled he's in Portland and I'm thrilled with the chance to reconnect.

the spice boy

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want. I want to be sustainable. I want to not rely on prepackaged crap, especially when it's not necessary. When I get the food donations, there are usually spices in there, sorted out into extraneous packaging. I usually grab them because who can't use more basil, mint, rosemary and oregano. But then I just throw them and the little plastic box they come in into the fridge and forget about them until I clean out the fridge the next week. Today, I decided to dry them out though. It'll be nice, cooking with spices that I dried. It'll be less wasteful. That's what I wannabe.

portland's queer history

I earned my gay points today. My friend called me yesterday and asked if I wanted to go to a film showing about Ballot Measure 9 at the Q Center (Portland GLBTQ center). I was sick so I said no. She then called me again today as unrelenting as she is and told me I needed to go see a panel of speakers on Portland's queer history (again at the Q Center). She sounded determined to get me there and I knew I'd eventually have to say yes anyway (even though I'm sick) so I went.

It was my first time at the Q Center which isn't too far from where I work. It was like I expected it to be, an art studio. I was hoping for something more along the lines of SMYRC (the sexual minorities youth recreation center) but no. This place looks like it caters to a different income bracket.

Anyway, my cynicism aside, the event was great. There were around 17 speakers and over 200 people in the audience. It was a very comfortable setting and I was glad that I went with my friend because she knew a hella lot more than I did.

Charles Hinkle was the lawyer who represented lesbian school teacher Peggy Burton in Federal Court. He talked about debating someone from the OCA (Oregon Citizens Alliance). My friend remembers that he did a fabulous job. Susie Shepherd was also a great speaker. Her parents started the Portland PFLAG and she talked about how active she was back in the day and how much resistance she got from the straight community AND the queer community. Harold Strong was the second Rose Court Emperor and he talked for a bit about being black and gay. Donna Red Wing was the designated activist for the night who turned out to be a liberal. Barbara Roberts, former Oregon Governor was the only straight person to speak (and interestingly enough, the only person to get a standing ovation?!?!). She was a marvelous speaker though, widely recognized for having the Portland Gay Men's Chorus sing at her inauguration. And then there was Sam Adams.

Sam is a city commissioner who is openly gay. I don't think much of politicians but Sam grew up in Newport and talked about the hate he experienced there. He also talked about walking down the streets of Portland, showing off the town to a visitor as the city commissioner. I guess a car drove by and someone yelled, "Sam Adams takes it up the ass!" He said the visitor asked if that was his proctologist. I think he might be one of the first politicians I actually support.

simple little things

There are so many little things that I haven't done yet. Today's seemed so basic but it's not as easy as it looks.

look ma! no boxes!

Recently, I've been accused of being a box-dinner person. I can acknowledge that I resort to box dinners a lot because they're quicker and easier but it still struck a nerve because deep down, I do like cooking. So tonight, I made dinner from scratch. It was Orange Chicken Stir-Fry. No pre-made mix or anything. I used veggie chicken cutlets because I wasn't going to harvest my own wheat, glutenize it and then wait for it to form into little chicken-like bits by 6pm. But it came in a bag not a box so there. Also, the recipe called for orange juice and lemon juice but did I go buy juice? No. I fracking squeezed an orange and a lemon to get what I needed. Yeah, that's right! Box this!

Here the recipe. It turned out fabulous (if you double the sauce, quadruple the orange and watch the starch) http://vegweb.com/index.php?topic=15978.0

new tricks

If I didn't love my job right now and was asked what I would rather be doing, I would say working at a puppy daycare. Working with animals has always been a fall-back option for me but it's something I never pursued because I knew that I couldn't make it as a vet. I suck at science stuff and the idea of having to cut into an animal, even to save it's life, is appalling to me. I don't like blood. I think I could work with training animals though. I've done a pretty good job with Dean.

Today, we worked on a new trick outside the dog norm. I started teaching him to put away his toys which would be absolutely adorable if he could figure it out. I'm using a crate as his toy box because the dog has a lot of toys! He knows where they are so he can get them out when he wants. I would just like him to put one away before getting a different one out. I may be asking a lot but he's pretty smart. That old dog/new tricks thing is a bunch of bull spouted by people with difficult dogs. You're never too old to learn new things. That goes for dogs too.

what I'm looking for

Years ago, my friend Shawn and I were sitting around being stupid and he asked me what is my end-goal, like what would my ideal situation or setup be. Back then, when I envisioned absolute peace and tranquility, I envisioned me having the time and the tools (a computer) with which to sit back and write. I also envisioned having a house with a dog and a yard so I could run out there and chill with him whenever I got tired of writing. What can I say, I'm pretty damn simple that way. Now, I have time, a computer, a backyard and a dog. I should be more satisfied.

Today, my new thing was going to Virginia's Cafe in downtown Portland. It's a charming little place with a lot of ambiance and I went there with the perfect person to share that with me. We drank some warm drinks after a cold bike ride and talked about expectations. The conversation went from A to B to G (as good talks tend to do) and we came to whether or not I'm happy. I had to stop and think about it.

There is so much crap in the world that is wrong and it's hard to be happy under these conditions but, aside from that (which is a LOT), I think that I am happy. Screw all the expectations. I think I have what I want now. The American ethos of "More is always better," is so pervasive that humbleness and satisfaction are often unheard of. It's refreshing. There are still things I would like to do and ways I would like to see things go but I'm not going to neglect what is today while waiting on what may be tomorrow.

puckin fictures

I love taking pictures. In theory, digital pictures should enhance my experience but now pictures don't mean as much. I guess I'm just a tactile person. If it's not tangible, it's disposable. Especially with technology like my laptop being able to just seize up and make the photos on it unavailable. In the days of 35mm, it may have been more expensive to print off pics but the good ones always meant more. Maybe I ought to be getting my pics printed more often.

Today, I decided to use an on-line photo sharing program. Actually, I decided to use four of them, Flickr, Shutterfly, Photobucket and one more I can't remember the name of. I'm trying to get my European photos (such as the one above from Linkoping Sweden) online so the guys can look at them. The problem I'm running into is I can't upload a mass amount of photos all at once. Flickr had the option but not the space. I'd take any suggestions anyone may have as I'm new at this and it's REALLY pissing me off.

antici-p-p-p-p-paction

Today I jumped the gun. The Red and Black Cafe announced their new location weeks ago and an apparently unreliable source ;) told us they were open yesterday. My friends and I went there tonight for the first time but we were told they hadn't opened yet. I think they said next week. It would have been great to support the place right off the bat but I guess we'll have to wait. Sigh...

just one new year

If the first day is any indication of how a new year is going to be, I'm in for a smooth and easy time. We took Dean for a stroll around Oaks Bottom Wildlife Refuge today which isn't a new thing but we went to parts of it that were new and we ended up having to cross through the Oregon Yacht Club parking lot to get out. A guy came by and told us we were trespassing. That was new.

I made some resolutions today too. I don't give much credence to holidays or to the calendar year but it's a good time to remember when you decided to do something. For example, years ago, I became a vegetarian as a resolution and now I know exactly how long I've been one. This year, I want to learn sign language for one thing. I have other resolutions but I'll start there. I also want to actively make progress towards one resolution each day. What can I say? I do well under self-imposed discipline.