and how

Today, I put myself out there and made more of a commitment than I had previously been willing to do. Each year (well, each year for the past two years), I have gone on a beach trip on my birthday with just Dean and I. I loved it the first year. Last year wasn't so wonderful but it was still nice to have a vacation. This year, I was second-guessing going. Winter in Portland hasn't been too harsh and I haven't been compelled to escape it. Yet, I feel the need to continue with a tradition. Last year may have not been what I was expecting but to not go now would feel like I was admitting that it was never a great idea. Instead of admitting defeat, I have chosen to alter my tradition slightly and invite a significant other.

For some reason, I find it difficult as well as unnecessary to refer to Andrew as my boyfriend. We haven't had that talk and it seems silly anyway. Why does that label need to be applied? I think I understand our relationship. Maybe I'll be surprised by a great lack of understanding one of these days but I'm going to go with that I know for right now because that's where it's comfortable and also a little intriguing. With labels come expectations and possibly stability. I'll take the mystery for right now instead.

At any rate, he accepted the invitation so I guess we'll see what the future holds. Interestingly enough, I found out that he is a published author today. How did I not know that? When I went to e-mail him the invite, I saw that his e-mail address was from his own dot-com. When I went to the site, I was surprised to find that he has two books on sale on Amazon. We see each other weekly now but this getaway will provide a lot more opportunities to discover new things about each other. As much as I don't like labels and the ideas of forcing relationships, I'm looking forward to what may come.