this is halloween

This is hardly a new thing by now but I love Halloween.  We went trick or treating in the same neighborhood with the same group of kids and adults.  Still, I wouldn't have it any other way.  If I had to choose a new thing, I would be riding back from the video store with Dom (after renting the Exorcism of Emily Rose) with a flat tire or possibly asking a trick or treater if I could get a picture of them.  The girl in the picture below had the best costume and she had thought of it herself.

followers of the devil

This was my third Halloween working in Long Term Services.  It probably one of the top five days at work.  There's kind of a hypocritical standard at work where we absolutely won't let people address the participants as children.  Hell, almost all of them are older than me.  Still, we have them go trick or treating around the offices in their costumes.  I guess it's all fun so I'm not going to discourage it.  Dressed in my devil costume, today was the first time I got to lead them all.

on the defensive

When I sit in my policy class, I almost always sit in one of the middle seats, just so I can pay more attention.  However, today I took a seat by the door so I could storm out...and maybe throw a chair on my way.

Our subject this week was discrimination.  One of our assignments was to watch a discussion on-line between three SW professors.  They were discussing gay marriage.  I would say they were debating it but nobody presented a decent argument for it.  Then they got into hate crimes and one of the guys actually said that attacks on gays because they are gay is not a hate crime because it's just sex.  With that concept (coming from a social work professor!) haunting me, I went into class, preparing to do battle.

What I actually found was that the entire class agreed with me that the discussion was bullshit and there was no debate about it.  Maybe some people in class thought a different way but that's not the feeling that I got.  While I was upset that I had to watch that debate, I was glad to feel even more support in class.

Also, we watched a documentary about school integration and I discovered a new hero, Minnijean Brown-Trickey.  She was one of the Little Rock Nine, a group of black students who were the first to integrate Little Rock Central High School in 1957.  She was also the only one of the nine to get kicked out.  While in the lunch line one day, a white boy was giving her shit and she couldn't take it anymore so she dumped a bowl of chili on his head.  They said that the white students were dumbstruck as they had probably never seen a person of color, let alone a high school girl, fight back.

black rose

Today was the first time I had been to the Black Rose Collective Bookstore.  It's been open for years.  I don't know why it's taken me this long to get here.  I went there to pick up Riot Cop's equipment.  They played a show last night which I didn't attend due to vehicle issues.

The place is small and full of good vibes.  It just felt really comfortable.  I'll definitely be going back

blowpony blows a costume party

I apparently like to dress up too much because I've been one of the few people costumed at theme parties WAY too often.  That sucks.  You know how awkward it is to show up to a queer dance party with a plastic billy club and handcuffs?  Actually, it's not that unusual at all, even if it wasn't a week from Halloween.

Still though, it would have been nice if more people had come in costumes.  I was looking forward to a fun costume party.  Despite my disappointment, I still danced.  It seemed like there were a lot of people there but I only knew like three people there and they weren't people that I'm tight with.  Plus I saw at least three male-female couples kissing there.  Wrong party, people.  So I bailed and found a scene that I'm a lot more comfortable with.  My new thing for the day was dancing with a billy club as a prop.

i love ani!

When I worked at Hastings Book, Music and Video, we had promo CD's were sent to us all of the time.  I was a good employee so I would often get recognized in meetings and rewarded with my choice of promo CD's.  By chance, one day I took Ani DiFranco's Little Plastic Castles and I fell in love.

My first concert here in Portland was Ani during a Halloween show.  It was fabulous.  Two of my co-workers today decided this morning that they were going to go see Ani so I decided to go too.  It was a reward for all of the stress I've been going through with school and work lately and, hell, I haven't seen her in concert in almost seven years so it was about time.

Anais Mitchell opened up for Ani and she was great.  Ani had three band members with her which I thought would compromise her act but it only added to it.  See, I love Ani's acoustic work.  I pretty much stopped listening to her so much when she added more instrumentation to her act.  Tonight, there was a drummer, a keyboardist/cello player and a xylophonist/bongo drum player.  They were all great but the xylophonist really blew me away with an amazing solo.  I think I'll have to get back into my Ani phase.

how i got my educational groove back

It's amazing what a difference nine years makes.  When I went to school for my undergraduate degree, I would spend a good amount of time in the stacks, going through the stacks and the microfiche, looking for resources.  Now, I can get all of the information I want in my lap from my computer.  Technology can be quite accommodating.

However, I am a traditionalist so I still went to the library tonight to study.  I wasn't sure if I'd actually use it's physical resources but I did use the space.  I grabbed my first sack lunch from Food For Thought Cafe and headed to the library to write my Policy mid-term.  It may have been the atmosphere of the library on campus in a chill autumn night but it really was quite easy.  I think that I'm falling back into my student groove.

a cheerful topher

Last week when I was stressing about my homework, I thought I wasn't cut out for this.  I thought I was too stupid.  I made a plan to make it through this semester somehow and then quit school.  However, I feel a lot better now.

I started off my day by stopping in at work to print off an assignment.  While I was there, I got mobbed by some of the clients, expressing how glad they were to see me.  It was sweet and it actually served as an affirmation that I am good enough, smart enough and dog-gone it, people like me.

Afterwards, I headed to school, saw a fight outside a coffee shop, researched at the library some (for the first time), ran down and grabbed a veggie chick'n salad sandwich with veggie bac'n from DC Vegetarian (absolutely divine) and started my day.

In my policy class, we began talking about mental health so I was very enthralled in and somewhat knowledgeable about the subject.  I also got to talk to some classmates for the first time who expressed how it was all a bit overwhelming for them as well.

In my culture class, the teacher explained the homework a little more thoroughly and made me realize I was on the right path.  I also was able to gather that I knew a lot more about it than I was aware of.  Our assignment was to talk about the importance of a critical framework when it came to oppression, liberation and justice.  I finally realized (with a little help) that what she was really looking for was our own personal bibliography or where we are getting our information from.

It got me thinking about my sophomore year of high school.  I was involved in speech competition and, for my persuasive speech, I chose to address the quincentennial of Columbus Day.  I wrote and spent a year delivering a speech on why Columbus should not be celebrated but should be looked at as a mass murderer, responsible for a genocide.  It didn't go over too well and I only really had one judge (the only person of color I had as a judge not-so-coincidentally) nod along and highly praise my speech.  However, it got me in the mindset of what I view as oppression.  The next year, I did a speech on how using indigenous cultures as mascots (both for sports and products) is horrible.  Again, it wasn't well received but I determined that I was right and it solidified my opinions on what is wrong about this society.

So I've had seventeen years to be in this mind-frame and to set my critical framework.  I've backed it with papers in college about sexism in literature and with my activist work in Portland.  I've attended protests aimed at class disparages, racist policies and policing, homophobic preachers and governments and also anti-Columbus day events.  I've attended numerous Black Panther events and classes, sat through more than my share of video showings and read a helluva lotta books on all sorts of liberation and oppression.  I have constructed a critical framework that I am most proud of and it was time to celebrate.

Our professor split us up into groups of three and we went our separate ways for an hour to discuss the assignment.  First, Eric, Sammy and I headed to the coffee shop.  Then we went to the Cheerful Tortoise.  This bar is right across the street from my class so it was convenient.  Otherwise, I would never have gone to this bar.  Still, I went back to class with confidence and it wasn't just the strawberry-kiwi vodka talking.

the 30 party

How do you make a new 30 year old feel younger and sexy?  You make everyone else dress older.

That was the intention anyway of Ashes' party for his 30th birthday.  However, only six or so out of 30 some people actually dressed up.  But still, it was the thought that counts.

Personally, I think that 30 is when people start getting sexy.  I'm not one for the younger crowd and I believe that age and experience make people very attractive.  However, I am fully aware that we are in a society that says you can't trust anyone over 30.  And...if you aren't going to trust them, you probably aren't going to sleep with them either. :)

My new things for the night was singing a lot of karaoke songs that I haven't sung before, wearing overalls in public and trying Atomic's special fruit cocktail jello shots.

fun doin fondue

Yay, one of my housemates is thirty.  We managed to hustle today to Gustav's for their happy hour fondue to celebrate.  The actual party is going to be tomorrow but today, we eat fondue and drink Munich beer.  Prost!

mr d

No picture today because my new thing was helping a new client.  Our ATE (alternative to employment) department rarely gets new clients.  We're a pretty solid but stale enclave.  However, we got a new guy this week and today was the first day I've really got to spend with him.

At the provider fair, I talked to a former co-worker who said she was going to bring in a new client for the ATE that knows how to Wii.  That'd be Mr D.  I decided to test him on that today and I'll be damned if (after a bit of coaching) he didn't beat me at bowling.  It's great to see a new face around, especially a guy that I can bowl with from time to time.

the written word

Alright, maybe I hate college.

I went to work on my first real homework assignment (only 2-3 pages, double spaced) in ten years tonight.  All I was supposed to do was answer four questions.  The teacher gave us an example but said not to use it as an example.  My problem was that I didn't even understand the wording of the question.  It's odd that a school of thought that is all about leveling the playing field and inclusion would need it's own glossary.

I got fed up and pissed.  I wasn't getting any help from the book or the readings and the teacher's example was hardly an example that I could use, even if I wasn't supposed to use it in the first place.  Argh!

I walked away from the exercise and vented to my lovely housemates about how frustrated I am and ended up resigning that I was going to have to e-mail my professor and ask her what exactly she wanted.  However, I came back to the assignment later on the night, shortly before I was planning on going to bed and skipped the first question which I didn't understand at all.  I went to the next question which I sort of understood but not enough to feel confident in my answer.  The third and fourth question I got and was able to answer thoroughly.  Then I felt good about the the first two questions and was able to get it done.

Wow, hopefully this all starts coming to me a lot easier or it's going to be a rough three-four years.

The picture above is a haiku that I had written on the fridge of Lenin's house in Berlin.

courses on civil discourse

As opinionated as I am, I hate arguments.  However, I definitely see their value.  Without disagreeing in a heated way, you don't really the other side of your viewpoint with all the passion that's involved in it.  You may be really passionate about whatever it is that you feel is right and therefore, the other side may look ridiculous and muted.  However, once you see someone really amped up about their point, it gives them a little more legitimacy and it can also fire you up more about your side.

Today, during both of my classes, there was arguments, each sanctioned by the professors although only one was planned.  In my policy class, we were assigned to debate whether or not the profession of social work discriminates against Evangelical Christians.  We were chosen at random to be on one side of the debate or the other but everyone did a rock solid job of arguing their point.

In my culture class, we began talking about assimilationism and America's 'you're either with us or against us' attitude and one of my classmates began to doubt white privilege based upon her recent experience of being a minority in Belize.  Another classmate got real upset and the teacher intervened at a spectacular level, making sure everyone knew that their emotions were valid and that she wanted us to get all worked up and honest.  Yeah!  One of my other classmates did end up crying because of the shit she's had to face in her life.  My teacher was sympathetic and said, "There's two ways I release tension from my body, by crying and farting and I'm not going to give up either one."  I love that we don't have to be muted in our yelling, laughter or tears.  I love college.

AIDS walk 2009

This was the last of my walks for the year.  It was probably also my most enjoyable, primarily because I got to bring Dean and let him run around off leash for the first time downtown.  It was also the first time I had taken him in an elevator.  I thought it's freak him out a little more but actually he was completely mesmerized by the smell of the handrails so he hardly noticed the view outside or the movement.

Next year, I'm going to get my team from work (including Dean) matching wrist band and headbands.  It's the queerest charitable march.  We can at least be fashionable.

homomentum

People have asked me what makes for a queer night at a GLBTQ bar.  I'll admit, it sounds weird but it's really inclusive, with both lesbians and gays where normally, the two don't meet except for Pride and maybe at the Q-Center.

Like tonight, I don't make it a point to go the the Egyptian Room (Portland's most popular and possibly only lesbian bar) but my friend's roommate was hosting Homomentum, yet another monthly queer night.  Really, I could hardly tell the difference between this and Homo's Got Talent but that's okay because I liked HGT.

I did get to see CJ of CJ and the Dolls perform which was cool.  Also there was a zombie burlesque dancer who chewed up a rubber brain on stage.  I'd say that qualifies as new.

prince albert, the mighty cock

Above is a picture of the Lord Humongous's cock, Prince Albert.  Hee-hee.

It was my friend Michael's b-day party today.  He has chickens, specifically a rooster named Albert, Prince of the Coop.  Michael went to OCF with us and adopted the name the Lord Humongous from Mad Max.  Therefore I'm able to start my blog post off like that.  :)

I went to get Michael a card today at Presents of Mind on Hawthorne and found a girl selling paintings on wood blocks on the sidewalk outside.  She just happened to have several portraits of chickens and she was travelling from New York (and started her journey with just 13 cents and a bucket of paints) so I had to buy one.  Michael is very proud of his chickens and it just worked really nice like.  I love it when things fall into an unexpected but brilliant togetherness like that.

the full simmons

One of the things I like about my co-workers is our cooperation.  We all trust that we each have our clients' best interests in mind and support each other whenever we can even if that means sweating to the oldies.

My boss's assistant has taken it upon herself to do Richard Simmons' Sweatin to the Oldies every Monday, Wednesday and Friday with the ATE clients.  While most of them don't care or do the exercises, one or maybe two of them really do so she does it with them.  Today, she was out on vacation so I filled in.  I got them motivated to do it, started it and did the whole thing while encouraging each of them to participate.

Wow, it's exhausting and really very very gay.  I mean, it puts my average weekend at the gay bars to shame.  That's another thing I like about my work and my co-workers.  We're never above embarrassing ourselves for the greater good.

my culture chest

Today was probably one of the most intimate and powerful classes I have ever been a part of.

My assignment for my Social Welfare and Diversity class this week was to create a culture chest.  The idea was to decorate a container with how you perceived the world saw you in terms of three of the following: Race, Nationality, Gender, Ability, Sexual Orientation, Social Class or Age.  Inside, you had to place three items which you felt represented those three identities for yourself.

When I first read about this assignment, I thought, "Awesome.  No writing!"  I thought it would be a show and tell with everybody playing the I'm-less-privileged-than-you game.  However, it turned out to be more difficult than most of the writing assignments I've been given.

The three issues I chose to represent were gender, ability and sexual orientation.  For gender, I used an old Crimethinc poster which nicely criticizes the binary gender roles since I don't subscribe to a lot of typical guy behavior.  For ability, I chose to use my old contact lense case, illustrating me not wanting to be "disabled" at all and the privileges I therefore have.  My sexual orientation was actually one of the more difficult items to illustrate.  I don't have rainbow pins and the only triangle I have is tattooed on me.  Instead, I used a pin that I got shortly after moving to Portland which says, "I'm a gay, liberal vegetarian and I want your gun."  When I first moved here, I used the pin to advertise my sexual preference.

The outside of my 'chest' (which was actually a tin my friend Josie gave me a while ago) was decorated with blue paper (for my gender), business cards (because jobs are often how people define others) and pictures of me as Robin (to illustrate how people can assign me more power than I deserve based upon my 30 something white maleness), a picture of me hiking (to illustrate my ableness to do so) and the picture of me in Europe in front of the "FAG" graffiti.  However, after talking with a classmate in my policy class, it dawned on me that most people would not perceive me as being gay so I put a hetero symbol over it.

Putting it all together and trying to think of how others saw me was challenging.  Presenting it all in class though was so much more difficult than I had imagined.  There are a few guys in class that I like and get along with.  While I do not ever deny my sexuality, I don't always bring it up either.  It's usually a difficult subject to approach casually.  I wasn't sure how these guys (or the other 19 people in the class) would react to my declaring my sexuality openly.  I wasn't really prepared to ostracize myself from everyone else or force an alliance with the other queers in class who I didn't feel as drawn to.  It's odd because I've danced in the middle of the street in downtown in a pink skirt and spoken to a room full of punk strangers about queer rights but I was finding this difficult, mainly because I knew that these were the people I was going to be seeing for the next few years.

I think I was flushed the whole time and I found it hard to look anyone but the professor in the eye while doing it.  I was the first person to out themselves but it was okay.  Both of the guys who I have taken to talking to talked to me later without any awkwardness.  Also there was a handful of other queers in the room.  One person said that they had the same problem with people assuming they were straight.  It was really a beautiful moment and nothing like I imagined it would be.  People are really complex and will surprise you every time.  Emotions were running high during presentations but people were all very well supported and now I feel totally comfortable and honest there and it's so damn liberating.  I am so glad I am doing this.

just one new wedding post

My co-worker Melissa got married today.  It was probably the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to.  I know I said that recently but I guess I'm just a sucker for outdoor ceremonies.  This wedding, like the previous one I enjoyed, lacked a big emphasis on religion and instead focused on the couple supporting each other and their community of friends and family supporting them together.

The ceremony was nice and the reception was fun.  Melissa's brother-in-law's band The Clumsy Lovers played.  I have to say that I have never heard a bluegrass version of All Night Long by ACDC before but it was pretty astounding.

The wedding took place at the Anderson Lodge, outside Ariel, Washington with this amazing view as the backdrop for their ceremony.  It was really beautiful and I was happy to be there to witness it.

claiming my seat

I'm a nice guy but I also know how to get what I want.  Today, I wanted a better seat on the airplane.

The flight from Omaha to Denver is hardly ever full of people unless it's on a small plane.  Today, it was a larger jet and I was one of the last people on board.  When I got on, I saw that several rows in front of my assigned row were empty.  This included the exit row.  Meanwhile, my row had a couple sitting in the first two seats and I would've had to ask them to get up so I could get to my window seat.  Instead, I just sat down wherever I pleased.

I took a nice exit row seat and didn't make eye contact with the stewardesses.  I just pretended like I belonged there.  Other people came up from the back and asked them if they could sit in the empty seats.  The stewardess told them that everyone had to sit in their assigned seats.  Then she proceeded to run through the "Are you prepared to help in the event of an emergency?" drill with me.  See, that's what you get for asking someone for what you want instead of just taking it, as long as it doesn't already belong to someone else.  I'm still a nice guy, I'm just a little more determined.

walking across the missouri

It hasn't been under the most ideal circumstances but I have enjoyed spending time with my family. Before this, I wasn't planning on coming home until Christmas. I was glad for the chance to see everyone, glad to be around family now.

Eric & I rode back to Omaha tonight with my parents since we're flying out at 6am tomorrow morning. We stopped at the casino boats (I won $28) & Mom, Eric & I walked the new pedestrian bridge over the Missouri River.

Despite the circumstances, it's been a really nice visit.