my own family therapy

My teacher said she thinks I need to be in therapy.  Actually, she made it as a blanket statement to the class but I took it to heart.  From where she's coming from, it makes sense.  We all have issues.  If we're trying to help clients work on their issues, we need time separate from them to work on our own baggage so it doesn't interfere with the clients.

Anyhow, today she had us do an exercise which brought us discussing our families and our feelings in small groups.  With this teacher, I don't fear the small group exercises.  Then, we watched this reenactment of multiple therapy sessions with a family where the therapist explains why she was using particular approaches.  All in all, it made me more confident about therapy and really got me to thinking I need to see someone.  I may start doing that soon.

the things i do for work

Here's what I did today; I bugged the hell out of my dog.  Dean hates the vacuum cleaner but I have a client who is obsessed with vacuuming and with Dean so I promised him a video a week or so ago of me vacuuming while Dean barked at the vacuum cleaner.  Dean did his part well.  Yep, that was the whole to-do list for the day.

a random day

I'm trying to figure out some way to put some coherency to my day but it was full of random things I did, most of which were new.

First, Jess and I went to Jam for the 1st time.  I love brunch.  The thing I hate most about my work schedule is that I only get two really good brunches per week.  Brunch is probably the easiest meal made vegetarian.  Jam had a lot of options, both drink-wise and food wise.  Today, I got a coffee, a pineapple/orange mimosa and the JD massacre breakfast burrito.  It filled me up so much that the only other thing I ate today was a small cup of chili.

Then, we went to Vintage Pink because it's right near Jam.  They had some awesome furniture and good pieces of decor but it was all waaaay to spendy.  Part of the problem with working at a thrift store is you see everyday how cheap things can be (and I don't even work for the cheapest thrift store chain in town).

Later on, I biked through the rain up to see Bash Back speak at the Red and Black.  Bash Back is currently in legal trouble for flyering in a mega-church in Michigan.  The same group that defends God Hates Fags is seeking retribution for damages (which they are making up) against Bash Back on behalf of this homophobic institution.

Afterwards, I got my haircut my a new person.  I have realized that I don't go to Bishops for the stylists.  I go there because they give me a beer (even if it is MGD) and the desk guy is super sweet.

Finally, I biked home quick, grabbed my pink i-pod and returned it.  The sound wasn't working on it unless I tweaked the headphones cord a certain way.  I didn't want to bother so I put everything on my phone and ditched the i-pod.  However, this meant biking all of the way home when Bishops is right across the street from Fred Meyers, picking up one small thing and then biking all the way back.  Oh well, it was good exercise since I don't plan to do anything tomorrow! :)

hoppy hour

It's been a long week and I felt that I deserved a break so I met Tim at Hawthorne Hophouse for happy hour.  It's a relatively new place so I was inclined to check it out.  It's a sports bar environment so I probably won't be returning.  Plus, I tried six of their beers as a taster thing and only really liked one of them.  Those aren't good numbers.  Also, they didn't have a happy hour deal on Fridays around 5pm...wait...why did I go there again?

What else?
Afterwards, I shopped some of the stores on Hawthorne after while waiting for my housemates to meet me at Vege Thai.  While at Vege Thai, a staff member saw that Ashes was drinking a beer and gave us another free beer because he just got it in stock and wanted some opinions.  Aside from the fact that they have awesome food with an awesome selection, they now have given me free beer.  They have won a permanent place in my heart.

my path in three minutes

Yesterday, we had a staff meeting at my internship, first with just the house staff and then with the house staff and the case managers.  During the house staff portion, we did a team building exercise where we were supposed to tell what influences we had in our life that led us to do this job.  Obviously mine was different because I was assigned to the agency by the MSW program but I still participated.

I was a bit nervous about it but I decided that I'd like to have the opportunity to come out to them without making a production out of it and this was the perfect time.  I thought back to last year when I came out to my class.  It was nerve-racking and I thought I'd probably lose some potential friendships back then but it ended up being really positive.  So I went for it.  Being gay isn't a focal point in my path but it is an integral part of how I see myself and I thought that I should share that if I was going to be honest with these people.  And it paid off.

I ended up talking for four minutes, not only coming out but just gibber-jabbering, about everything from calling my mom and saying that I think I should just return to Nebraska after not finding work here in the first three weeks to taking a promotion at work as an assistant manager in order to pay for Dean's teeth cleaning.  I didn't get any feedback yesterday but my new favorite co-worker Dave told me that he really appreciated my willingness to be open.  He didn't specifically discuss the coming out part but that was the subtext of his compliment.  Not only did I feel the level of comfort increase with him but also other co-workers seemed to really relax around me and I felt more comfortable with them based upon their three minute stories.  I guess that's a great tip-of-the-hat to the team building exercise.

When I thought about it later, I realized what I was wearing (the outfit in the picture above) and realized that it probably wasn't necessary for me to have to tell them I'm gay. :)

What else?
My new thing today was eating a goat cheese salad.  I have a recently developed appreciation for goat cheese!

Today is Glee on Hulu day (otherwise known as Wednesday).  The show was all about bullying in high school and it specifically and honestly address people getting bullied because of their sexuality.  I love that show.

the notebook

My former co-worker Connie and I used to always talk about how we should write a book about the unusual situations and conversations that we see and have daily at our job as a result of working with people with developmental disabilities.  But who wants to go through all of the trouble and expense of going through a publisher when there's blogging?

Yesterday was awesome.  One of the participants was sitting with his walker out in the office hallway.  I asked him why he wasn't in the ATE room and he stated that he was having problems with another participant because she was too loud.  That's kind of like me saying I have problems with someone because they talk about their dog too much.  This guy is one of the loudest people we have.  However, I told him he could sit at another table away from her.  He stood away from his walker and declared, "That's right!  AWAY from HER!  I hate her VOICE and her PONYTAIL!  And you know what, THIS IS WAR!"  while he pointed to the ceiling in such a dramatic fashion that Charlton Heston would have asked for his autograph.

Today was not so awesome.  My favorite guy, who's hit me with a hat before, hit me with his notebook this time.  He was having an outburst, saying that another participant hit him.  That person hadn't come near him that day and of course, denied it.  That made him more mad and he started saying stuff like, "I don't get to go to the store in May."  We have an agreement that I will take him to the store in May on his birthday so he can buy a bottle of Diet Coke.  We have to go over this arrangement every time I see him.  He gets a Diet Coke everyday but getting it in a bottle is special to him.  However, his sister/guardian recently discontinued pops for him because of health concerns.  So, when he said he won't get to go to the store, I assumed he was putting it together that, since he doesn't get a Diet Coke everyday, he won't be getting one on his birthday anymore.  When I said, "Yeah, no more soda," he exploded.  He grabbed his notebook, which he had previously thrown on the floor and launched it at my face.

In all honesty, I could have ducked it but I had another participant standing in front of me and I was more concerned about it not hitting him.  My favorite guy then took his shoe off (which is standard practice for him) and threw it at a co-worker of mine, hitting her in the shoulder.  I was preparing for the other shoe to come flying when the guy I wanted to not get hit by the notebook brought the shoe back over to my favorite guy, asking him to put it back on.  "Shit," I thought, "The one thing that we have working in our favor is that he only has two shoes.  Don't reload him!"

He continued his fit and finally I decided it wasn't worth it so I lied to him and said that I would take him to get a pop on his birthday.  I'm 95% sure that he won't be in our program in May so it's a lie I can live with.  It's a shame too because, when he's not throwing items at my face, he can be completely awesome to be around.  Without him, my job won't be as interesting and I won't have as much to write or to look forward to.

not so goode

A long night, high drama and paper put off until the weekend before it's due all made for a crappy crappy day today.  However, it was nice for me to be able to take advantage of having a table set up in our dining area and spread my homework out.  Nine hours later and I'm done.  I don't think that it's my best work but it's passable.  I don't know anymore.  After a day of working on it and nothing else, my brain is fried. Soooo, it's the perfect time for cartoons.

Melissa twittered out about this cartoon the other day and it was my source of relief today.  That and this video of a puppy sleeping.  It's hard to believe this cartoon about a vegan, anti-oppressive, anti-consumerist family was created by Mike Judge.  A lot of the jokes poke fun at the contradictions inherent in the lifestyle but it still is way awesome.  I needed some awesome today.  The episodes are available through youtube.

What else?
 My new thing today was eating duck eggs.  I've never really thought about the possibility of eating them before but they were fine.  They were from a friend's land so it felt much better to eat them rather than store bought.

brand new pony

The awesome people that put on Blowpony brought their talents to Autonomy tonight for the first of what hopefully will be a monthly gig.  It wasn't near as big as Blowpony but it was still well attended for the initial night.  It's awesome to have such a strong queer presence in the space.  I wish it wasn't on a Friday nite because that means the first Friday of every month will be a super-long day for me but, hey, it's not all about me.  However, I do want to make sure to be here for it so I guess I'll just have to suffer.

There was some drama (not with the wonderful event organizers) in the space before time which put a really uncomfortable vibe in the space.  I just hope that the Pony can ride into the space again next month and hopefully have a drama-free presence.

the happy valley

This morning started off with me dumping a cup full of coffee in my lap.  Fortunately, it got better.

I normally work at my internship on Wednesdays but I switched today for yesterday because one of my clients, one of my favorite clients had a photo shoot for the cover of the company newsletter today.  This isn't the first client I've promoted to the cover of the newsletter.  It's not even the second.  I've tried to make sure that I have one of my clients on the cover each year.  So far, I've been successful.  I guess that double major in English/Public Relations has come in handy.

While I am good and persistent at promotion, this particular guy has done amazing this past year and was a very easy sell to the marketing department.  I am extremely proud of the progress he has made.  Of course, my opinion may be swayed by the fact that he calls me every single weekday to leave a message on my work voice mail, saying what a great job he's doing and that I'm an awesome guy.

The photo shoot today was at his mom's house.  It was also a fabulous day today so I was determined to ride my bike around.  I took mass transit and bike to all of my stores and then up to Happy Valley where his mom resides.  You'd think that if they were going to name a place, 'Happy Valley,' it wouldn't be a gigantic hill.  I can do hills but this was ridiculous.  I had to stop after a while and walk the bike.  By the time I got to their house, my backpack had left a large sweat stain on my shirt which was embarrassing but I got kudos for riding my bike.

The shoot went great.  This guy has a very supportive family so it was more of a party.  His mom had bought food and cheesecake for everyone.  Not only did they take pictures of him but also of the whole family and pictures of his grandpa playing pool with him.  I think everyone walked away from it thinking of it as a positive experience.

The ride back was awesome.  I had a little more uphill to do (where I took the picture above) and then coasted downhill so quick I had to ride the brakes on the sharp turns.  It ended up dumping back onto the Springwater Corridor which I took home.  I love my job!

back splash

Today I bought and hooked on a rear fender for my tire to prevent my backside from getting wet.  Woooo, I'm living on the edge now.

What else?
 But this is what I really wanted to write about.  I am starting to learn to keep my opinions to myself.  I have a very rigid barometer for what I believe to be right and wrong.  For example, take the music at my internship.  One of the residents in particular likes to listen to misogynistic rap which I feel is wrong.  It's not okay to talk about women using the B word and saying how you're gonna treat them like shit and hit em.  That's just wrong.  It's been probably my biggest complaint because we also espouse to be a safe space free of oppression.  Degrading women, even if it is to a catchy beat and even if it is 'just a song' is oppressive.  However...I'm learning that I've got to pick my battles.

The residents have had some messed up stuff happen to them and they don't come to this program for PC Education 101.  They come so they can gain the skills, experience, education and savings to eventually sustain themselves in a healthy manner.  While it would be great if they didn't listen to that crap, it's also a lesson for another time.  If I have the opportunity to speak to them casually but frankly about the music, I'll take it but I'm going to not push it for the time being.

In fact, I'm going to become a little less pushy with my own agendas in dealing with many people in my life about many things.

That all being said, I did really enjoy my internship today.  Having a great co-worker around for guidance and to talk to makes it so much more worthwhile.

three bars down

(thanks Justin for the pic.  it captured the evening better than any of mine.)

Even though I am exhausted, I decided it was worth going out for some easy drinks and what I guess was a movie.  Justin, Jen and I had plans to go to Holocene to watch a movie they were showing with live DJs (the movie is in Japanese and is subtitled).  However, we decided to go out to eat first.  We tried Speakeasy which redefines "dive bar."  However I didn't really want to eat anything there and I didn't want to trouble the bartender anymore after he seemed put out when Jen and I ordered Naughty Toddy's which was their drink special.  So we headed to our second choice, Star Bar.  This was a lot more up my alley.  The happy hour menu was good and the place was very comfortable.  The atmosphere and the nice staff were great but I will probably head back just for a chance to play with their jukebox.

I kind of wish we had stopped there but we went onto Holocene.  There was a cover which was annoying and the movie (The House) was bizarre and the DJs, while interesting, really lent nothing to the experience.  In fact, they paused the movie early on for a TWENTY minute intermission.  Intermissions should not happen or at least not be THAT long if the movie has yet to do anything interesting.  We made it to the second intermission before bailing.

So, it wasn't trick or treating but it was nice and easy.  I feel it's what I needed after last night.  I wanted to acknowledge the holiday because I do enjoy Halloween but I was looking for something low-key and I found it.

hell prom

I think that tonight was my favorite Halloween party ever.  It was the last show for the band, The Golden Greats and we also had Chervona and Holy Holy Holy playing.  There wasn't really any point where anybody got out of line, the music was awesome, the costumes were great and it was just what I needed.

I went as a tea-bagger as you can see by the picture above.  This year was different for me than the past several years have been in terms of costuming because I didn't need to tailor my costume around work regulations.  My work had their Halloween party on Friday when I was at my internship place and my internship place had their party last night when I wasn't working so I was free to get a little more creative.

While I absolutely loved the show, I didn't get back home until 5am which makes for a very tired me.  Since I was out in costume past midnight tonight, I'm counting that as my Halloween adventure for the year.  My housemates are all going trick-or-treating out in Gresham with the grandparents on Halloween night so I'll probably just stay home, watch a scary movie and not answer the door.  Hopefully we won't get egged.

forget your underwear, we're free

On April 20, 2001, I drove to see my sister in Emporia, Kansas.  It was a memorable trip for me because I didn't check it out on the map and this was before I had GPS.  I had a book-on-cassette of Jack Kerouac's On The Road and no specific paths or plans.  I just went in the general direction, content to get lost and not worry about it.  I found my way easily enough and enjoyed doing so.

The freedom that is associated with the Beat Generation is intoxicating.  It's hard not to romanticize it, especially their sexual liberties.  To relate, I turn to Allen Ginsberg.  After reading Ginsberg and Kerouac, it's hard not to envision them as characters instead of actual people.  I always thought that the unrequitted love that Ginsberg felt for Kerouac was tragic.  I wanted Kerouac's character to have a passionate and romantic affair with Ginsberg's character or at least for him to be bi-curious.  However, that's not how it went down and there was not enough literary license with their pseudonyms to make it happen.  Even more beautiful and tragic was Neal Cassady's flirtation with Ginsberg which left Ginsberg heart-broken when Cassady decided that it's wasn't natural.

Tonight, I got to experience Ginsberg on a whole new level when I went to Howl at the Hollywood Theater.  It was absolutely gorgeous.  The acting in it was superb.  The animation that was interspersed in the movie was done provocatively by politically radical Eric Drooker.  I wasn't going to go to the movie tonight even after I had made plans to meet some friends there because I was feeling sick.  But I decided to tough it out and do it and I am SOOO glad I did.

Despite the tragedy of his previous crushes on straight or seemingly straight guys, Ginsberg ended up with the love of his life who he met early on and who stayed with him until he died.

What else?
Aside from the wonderful movie, the ride to the theater was adventurous for me.  I took some neighborhood roads that were unfamiliar to me.  I do recognize that I have a rational fear of potholes now.  When I am heading down a hill, I ride the brakes if it's heavily shaded at the bottom to the point where I can't see the road's condition.  I guess it doesn't hurt to be cautious.  Also, knowing that I was going to a beat movie, I decided that it was imperative that I first have a drink.  I ducked into Sam's Billiards because my options were limited based upon time.  It really wasn't a bad place.  If I was good at pool at all, I may consider going back.

Also, it was another productive day at my internship.  Dave showed me how to do orientation paperwork as I got to meet a new resident whose case I am going to be partially responsible for.

doomsayer

Earlier today, my friend Jesse twittered out an article with a warning, stating gives you another theory as to how the world will end...soon.  I knew better than to click it.  I have a tendency to become depressed and dwell on these things.  However, curiosity got the best of me and I read it.  I'd pass on the same warning that Jesse did but I think I recovered from it quickly.  To sum it up, the article talks about how the events of the BP oil spill and other horrendous acts that BP has committed will bring upon the next mass extinction event.  While Arturo has talked about the impending mass extinction event, this article gave a much more updated timeline; six months.

Yikes, that's not a lot of time.  So instantly I think, "Should I quit school and go travel?"  "Do I really want to spend the last six months on earth doing this?"  I never really considered maybe building up a supply of food and water to sustain me through this mass extinction.  The air won't be breathable.  Living conditions will be horrendous.  Our current society panics when Facebook won't open.  I really don't think that we as humans will be in the 6% of life that is hypothesized to survive this mass extinction.  I guess I don't have that big of a problem with dying if everyone else is going to die too.  Creepy to think about but it's keeping me from going off of the deep end.

What else?
On the lighter side of it all, I went to the Los Gorditos food cart today.  It's not as close as the restaurant is to my work but it was more convenient at the time.  It was good but nothing spectacular.

I also went to Scott Pilgrim again and went out to Beulaland again.  It put me out late for a work night but, hey, there may only be six months left.  I can sleep when I'm part of the massively extinct.  I also met a clinical therapist at the bus stop while waiting for the 75 after the movie.  He just got done with work so I didn't want to bother him with my current issues right now but maybe it's something I may consider.