just for one day

Today was my scheduled recovery day from my vacation. However, I scheduled it before I had the first two work days of the month off due to weather so I was thinking of going in. Then, I saw that Bowie passed on so I thought it'd be a better idea to get high and listen to Bowie's greatest hits all day long. It was the right thing to do.

What else?

My new thing was trying the polenta special at Sweet Hereafter. It would have been better without the bitter Tahini topping.

Oh, and I started to go back to the gym...again. I did my whole normal routine (albeit at a lower weight for pretty much every exercise) and it didn't hurt at all. I'm so excited to be at it again.

make it a good day

Yesterday, my new thing was going to be Mediterranean Stew. To make the stew, I went and bought a slicer like my mom had in Nebraska. It's a little inclined plastic shelf with a blade in the middle for slicing veggies. However, I got a little careless with it so my new thing was going to the ER at Portland Adventist.

Since I've been in Portland, I've only had Kaiser Insurance until I started this job. Since I've been at this job, I've just been to the doctor once when I had an ear-ache and they did nothing about it. At Kaiser, ER visits were only a $20 copay so I thought that it would be worth it since I couldn't get my thumb to stop bleeding. I didn't cut too much off of it; it was only about 1/8 inch round circle. I bandaged it up 3x and put some blood clotting powder (which stung like holy hell) and it persisted on bleeding through. I got worried enough to go in and they cleaned it up a bit and put a little band-aid on it and billed with 10x what my copay would have been at Kaiser. So I was extremely pissed off at myself. I was upset that I did something as stupid as slice my thumb when the slicer even gives you a tool to hold the veggies (but in my defense, it doesn't work so well for eggplant. I was upset that I went to the ER in the first place and then that I didn't just walk out when they said it would be a $200 copay. So, I was determined to have a better day today.

I had coffee with Andrew, walked Ava to Tabor, took a THC lozenge, deep-cleaned the house, trimmed the bedroom curtains (my new thing), started watching the last season of Continuum, got a bubble tea, read comics in the hammock, met Andrew at Dove Vivi where he bought me dinner, and then met up with friends to watch the new Black Panthers documentary. Mission accomplished.

What else?
Earlier this week, I finally finished the complete Civil War in the Marvel series. I remember a friend telling me about it years ago as it was coming out. Since I've been getting comics on my Kindle, I've been interested a lot more in DC than I have in Marvel but I did enjoy this, mostly because it introduced me to a batch of new characters with whom I was previously unfamiliar. My favorite of these was Jessica Jones (pictured above) so I also got the Jessica Jones:Alias and Pulse series which I finished tonight. I'd highly recommend the series, even to someone who is less than familiar with comics and Marvel in particular. She stands alone enough to make it understandable and it's just fun.

past time for a massage

A week ago, my aunt was over visiting me and my parents and they all started talking about their vacation in Thailand. They agreed that the massages were awesome. I started to reflect back over how long it has been since I've had a massage and my aunt highly recommended I get one after my trip. I did feel really stiff all morning after driving so much. I didn't want to have any commitments for the day but I also felt that a massage was necessary.

I went to a new clinic, Laurelhurst Massage Therapy. The guy there was great and the facilities were wonderful. Really, they almost make me realize that I've messed up in this life. If I would have been thinking, I would have gone into massage therapy and been able to set something up like they had in their back shed. It was a two floor building with a dry sauna and the best shower ever (three shower heads!) on the main floor and the massage room upstairs.

I feel sooooo much better after having gone. I will definitely not wait so long until my next massage, long car ride or no.

pec-upuncture

Ashes and I tried the gym this week. I was determined to do something since I was feeling well enough to ride my bike. I tried bench pressing, moving my weight down to 135lbs but I was only able to do two reps of 7 before my pec starting hurting. It's the same injury that I had earlier this year which stopped me from working out for a while. I don't want to wait that long to be well again so I went to get acupuncture today.

I saw Matt, a new-to-me acupuncturist at the Brooklyn Acupuncture Clinic who did the acupuncture a little different than I have ever had it done before which proved to me to be more effective. He also gave me some good after-care ideas. I believe that acupuncture works but I've never really felt that it worked for me before today.

What else?
Andrew's been sick this week so we haven't gone back to the film fest. Today, they were showing Men to Kiss, a German film that I thought looked funny so I went to check that out by myself. Before the movie, they were showing a documentary on rape in the military called the Invisible War. I knew it would be a hard documentary to watch but I thought it was important to see and it was. I'm glad I stayed for Men to Kiss though because I needed a good distraction after such a heavy topic.

part of the recovery process

I'm feeling a bit better since my accident but I'm still hurting. I can't ride my bike due to my tailbone, I can't work-out due to my ribs (which I tried to do yesterday and failed miserably) and I can't really bend over because my back is so torqued. I figured I could fix the back thing by loosening the muscles around it and that meant a massage! :)

I didn't go back to my usual masseur, Jeffrey today because he's all the way up in NE Portland and I'm not biking. Instead, I decided to try Earth Body massage on Belmont. It was great and I think it did help my back some. This evening, it was easier to bend over to pick up Dean's poo so I must be a bit better. :)

What else?
Andrew and I met downtown to eat at Beau-Thai and then go see the swifts. It's a great date activity and it's free. For the first time, I saw hawks appear to try to grab the swifts. It's pretty awesome that so many people gather to see them every year here.

damage report

This week has primarily been me recovering from Monday's accident. On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to get some pain meds. I saw a new PA, Ms Sellers who took good care of me. She said I may have broken ribs but they couldn't really do anything about it anyway so there's no point in getting x-rays. This is the third instance in which I have broken at least one rib so I'm familiar with not getting x-rayed. They did x-ray my thumb though which was not broken. I got my pain-killers which is what I came for.

I didn't sleep at all on Monday night. I was in too much pain and when I did start to nod off, I would envision my bike tire skidding off the road or hitting a wall. It was terrifying and I absolutely hated it. Therefore, I was not only busted up but also sleep deprived and felt no shame about only working for two hours.

Today, I took my bike in to Seven Corners. Corey gave me an estimate of $160. I need bike insurance. I also tried a new med that the doc recommended.


I'm looking forward to feeling well again one day.

the wreck

 And things were going so well.

Andrew and I were on a long bike ride, heading towards the Canby Ferry. I found the route online but the route led us out of the way. I thought I was being smart by finding a road that cut out a lot of the excessive mileage. The road was SW Petes Mountain Road. We couldn't bike up it because it was just too steep and a little treacherous. Going down felt awesome for a while. I should have been a little more cautious when I saw the "Slow. 10MPH" curves. I looked for a second off to the countryside and thought, "This is gorgeous," and then thought "Oh shit, pay attention to the road." Right then, my back tire fishtailed to the left and my front tire went to the right and I flew off Superman style onto the side of the road.

It happened in a matter of seconds but it felt like 15 minutes or so to me. I hit the ground facedown with my hands and arms in front of me. Somehow my bike tumbled in front of me and crashed against the fence. I lifted up my head and saw the front bike tire pop and my bike collapse a little more. I looked down and saw a small puddle of blood in front of my face. I could see though so that was good. I could also move my fingers and toes and that was good too. I couldn't breathe easily though. Andrew biked up shortly afterwards as I had gotten ahead of him. My priority at that point was conveying to him that I was okay.

Some time later, a physical therapist biked up and was able to assess me. He determined that I was okay to roll over eventually and I knew that I wouldn't need to go to the hospital since nothing seemed to be broken except some ribs. I used my phone to pinpoint my location and I messaged that to Ashes, asking him to pick me up. I eventually and painfully stood up but I needed to not be laying in the dirt anymore.

Ashes came and picked me up and drove me home. Xbox stayed with me while I cleaned my wounds, offering to help but really was helping just by talking to me while I was doing it. Andrew ran out to get more medical supplies. My knees and elbows were the worst. I was worried about my face and head but I ended up with a small mark on the bridge of my nose and a half-inch cut on my forehead. Luckily, I was wearing my bike gloves which completely saved my wrists (and I was also wearing my helmet). The hydrogen peroxide stung a bit but I feel 100x better after I cleaning myself up.

My bike is screwed up pretty bad. My front tire is taco-ed and I think my back tire might also be a bit bent. Also, my pink bike bell was shattered. However, my new-ish solar-powered front light was unharmed. I'll be hurting tomorrow but I still plan on going to work because I have a lot to do. This wreck wasn't fun but it wasn't as bad as it could be. I'll be thrilled if this is the worst bike accident I ever have.

vision issues

I had vision problems today as I just couldn't see myself going into work on a beautiful day like this so I called in sick. I spent most of the day researching and reading for my final paper of the quarter which isn't due for another month but I want to get it out of the way. While I read on the front porch, Dean made a nest in the yard. I wish everyday could be this easy.

What else?
Jesse is going through nutritional therapy training so I opted to be a test subject for him and he gave me my evaluation today. I think that I do pretty well nutritionally but he made some good suggestions that I will follow. Mostly, I've been doing better lately because I gave up coffee everyday a few weeks ago. I started drinking yerba mate which tastes a lot better (so I don't need to add as much sugar) and the "caffeine" buzz is a lot more mellow. Plus I've been able to sleep better so I've been able to cut out the melatonin. Yay for living naturally. Work isn't natural.

It's a complete guilty pleasure that started with boredom and became a good addictive show but the Vampire Diaries finale kind of blew me away yesterday. I don't know why I proudly proclaim that I am a Buffy or Glee fan but for some reason, I keep VD (heh heh) in my closet. It's actually very well written once you get past the first seven episodes of the first season.

On 5/7, I toured a newly constructed store in my company for the first time in order to take one of their clients on a tour of one of my stores. While me and his case manager were heading back to our office, we saw a car stopped at the railroad crossing and the crossing bar slammed down on their hood. Ha ha ha ha.

picking up where i left off

 Yikes. I don't think I've let my blog go by without updating it this long before. No, I haven't given up on it. School-boyfriend-work-life just got in the way. School is pretty much taken care of now and work has slowed down immensely so I'll be able to be a lot more up-to-date soon. I'm gonna proceed by doing weekly summaries until I am up to date.

I think part of the reason for me hesitating on updating the blog is that I don't really want to write about this next thing but I'm just going to sum it up. I went to the hospital on Friday, 4/13, with chest pains and shortness of breath. I biked to Long Haus, went into a mild panic attack and called 911 cuz I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me and I had just attended a CPR class yesterday in Salem so 'heart attack' was the first thing on my mind.

Really, I am a hypochondriac but the words of the CPR trainer surprisingly stuck with me, "It's free to call 911. It only costs when they transport you." I was hoping the 911 responders would just diagnose me with "Definitely Not a Heart Attack" and I could put it out of my mind but they didn't. They said that I should go to the ER.

Ashes & Victory drove me to the ER and Sophia (via my neighbor) came to meet us there. Andrew saw I checked in there through foursquare and asked for an update. He also later texted me the "L" word for the first time (not lesbian).

I had to go in and out of several rooms and have those sticky monitors placed on my hairy chest several times. I also had my first IV. In the end, they said that it almost surely wasn't a heart attack but recommended I take some heart relief medicine, although I'm pretty sure it wasn't heart burn.

As a result, I have been taking easy this weekend. On Saturday, 4/14, I met Andrew at Sound Grounds where I had yogurt and granola in determination not to eat any food which may have affected my heart and I said the "L" word back. Later on that night, I went to karaoke with Dom.

Today, I took it easy for the day and bought an expansion pack for Munchkin, a game Sophia and Xbox have got me into. It was silly and fun. Later, Andrew and I went to dinner, I pretty much realized it wasn't a heart problem and I got to end my weekend knowing that I was fine. So, I guess all's well that ends well.

What else?
On Thursday, 4/12, as I mentioned, I went to CPR class in Salem for the second year in a row. I went down with the same two co-workers that went down with my last year. This time, we ate at Super Pho which has fake calamari so I will definitely be back to try that.   

solar cycle

Why isn't solar power more common by now? Especially more common in place where they actually get sun more than half of the year? It's a shame because cars should definitely be infused with more solar panels. I realize you don't want these things to break but it may be worth the risk.

I don't drive enough to warrant paneling my car for solar energy so today I got a solar powered bike light. It wasn't cheap (as is the case with most solar panels) but I really hate going through batteries. Hopefully I don't lose it. I was going to order a solar light online but luckily they had one at Seven Corners. I happen to see it when I took my bike in to get the brake lines checked (which they did for free) so if I could support my favorite local bike shop AND get a solar light, I was willing to spend a bit. I really just hope I don't lose it. Also, Seven Corners was apparently burgled last night and some ass made off with a bike and several accessories. I wish a curse of nasty railroad tracks and a broken tailbone upon the thief!

Anyway, I've been sick for the past couple of days so I won't get to test my light until tomorrow. I hope it was worth it.

What else?
I took a sick day yesterday. I'm not sure if it's allergies or a bug but I did not feel well. I actually took a three hour nap which I have never done in Muffin HQ before. I can't hardly nap ever so this was a treat! It felt lovely.

the pregnant lady special

 

Not drinking alcohol has been interesting but I'm sure glad it's done tomorrow. Yesterday, a group of us went to My Father's Place where I ordered a tea for the first time at a bar. Today, Jessica and I went to the Horse's Brass where I ordered an awesome root beer. When Sophia was gearing up for yoga competition, she used to ask bartenders to make her the pregnant lady special in order to get a unique non-alcoholic drink. I don't think I can pull that off. The less fun version I guess would be to ask for the designated driver drink.

I haven't hated the experience but I'm sure glad it's been a week already. I almost counted the 'week' to be over at 6pm tonight since my last drink was 6pm on last Friday but, no, I can hold out for tomorrow. Jenn and I are drinking mimosas!

What else?

Jessica and I went to a movie called The Way which was only really worth the pretty scenery. It was kind of like watching the Discovery Channel except Martin Sheen, Emilio Estevez and several character cliches get in the way of the view.

I got my Christmas bonus today. The way I figured it, it's two thirds of the hourly salary of the president of the company. Yep, it takes me three days to make what he makes in an hour. Today, I literally had to pick up shit. This sucks.

 

health concerns

On Saturday morning, I had brunch with Tim, XBox, and Sophia. Tim talked about how he and a friend have given up drinking for a week. While that sounds really easy, I thought it would provide enough of a challenge to make it interesting. Jennifer agreed to do it with me so we had our last drinks on Friday night and haven't drank since.

Today, I felt wonderful. Maybe I really needed to detox my system! It was a bit of a challenge on Sunday when I met up with Sophia and Justin at the Horse Brass pub. They have an excellent beer selection but I held strong and chose an orange soda instead. I know that when I started drinking in college, I had a drinking problem. However, I don't really like to drink that much anymore but it has become routine for me to have a beer in the evening or drink socially with friends. I'm glad Blowpony's not this weekend because I would pretty much have to drink then.

Along with stopping a negative, I added a positive, or five pounds to be more specific. I increased my bench press rep weight again. I now bench 185 lbs. That's me and a baby! With doing 4 sets of 7 reps, that comes to 5180 lbs I lift whenever I go to the gym!

What else?
On Sunday, as I was biking over to Long Haus to work out, I had a revelation about my work. I can't go into it here but it made me realize that I have got to start getting some things in order. That was my new thing yesterday.

This week, Dexter took place in Kearney, NE. Crazy! If that wasn't enough, he mentioned going to Portland from Kearney!

muffin pedi time

Oh Saturday. I got my second pedi ever today. This time, I went with Sophia to Vogue Nail where I not only got a pedi but I got my toes painted a dark silver and I was repeatedly violated by a invasive massage chair. Not that I didn't enjoy it though. ;)

What else?
After our pedicures, we shopped around Hawthorne for a while and went to Classic Collection which appears to be a hat shop that had to incorporate other items into the store to justify the space. I'll most likely buy something there in the near future.

In the evening, I met up with Ashes and Victory to celebrate his birthday. I helped his family celebrate it yesterday as well when we went to his parents' house and I got to meet his new nephew Charlie for the first time. Tonight though, it was bowling, dinner at the Red and Black and then karaoke where I got to sing six songs. That would have been a perfectly satisfying end to a great day but no, some butthole had to ruin it by stealing the front tire off of my bike. I normally only lock the front tire up maybe 15% of the time so I was probably due but it really sucks. Why the hell would someone need just the front tire?  With something like this, it appears to just be thoughtless vandalism. If they were going to steal the whole bike, then I could at least think, "Well maybe that will at least be one more cyclist and maybe they really needed it," but this was just one tire. What a dick! 

my piggies' first pedi

I needed to feel like I was actually going on vacation. I forgot my typical 'flying out' rituals and I didn't just want to drink to relax so I decided to get myself a pedi for the first time!  It was awesome. My new thing today will also be setting foot in Alaska for the first time at 11:40pm. However, when I do so, I want that foot to sparkle!

man and machine

Since I'm no longer living with Ashes, my go-to-techie guy, I have to learn to solve my own computer problems. Today, I fought off my own virus by myself on my computer as well as in my own body.

I was watching an episode of South Park online today at a different website and all of the sudden, a screen like the one pictured above came up.  I freaked out and pulled the internet connection, thinking if I did have a identity-theft-stealing worm on my machine, it couldn't leak any info out if I cut the connection.  This Vista Anti-Virus 2012 was a new feature to my machine and said that I could fix the 32 infections found if I paid the one year subscription price of $69.95, two year price of $89.95 or lifetime price of $99.95.  The price points were the first red flag.  I also thought it looked too clean and eager to help.

I used my IPhone to google Vista Anti-Virus 2012 and I found enough websites saying it was a virus itself to make me a believer.  Fixing it was going to be an issue though because, after I reconnected the internet, I discovered that it blocked any web browser from opening up.  It also stopped me from opening up my task manager.  I found a website which gave me three or four options, ranked easiest to hardest to combat the virus.  The first was entering a fake registration key into the 'Anti-Virus' virus.  That didn't work.  The last option was writing code in the prompt screen during the booting process but I am not that skilled so I'm glad the second option worked, entering in a website for the download link to a spyware program (which got legitimate positive reviews and no negative press out there).  This by-passed the block that the 'Anti-Virus' was putting on my machine and allowed me to download the program which quickly cleaned up my computer.

What else?

As if that wasn't relief enough for one day, I googled the healing process for shingles and realized that my rash was already healed to the point where it isn't contagious anymore.  Oh happy day, I get to go to work tomorrow (and I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really thrilled)!

starting my solitary stint

Right now, two of my best friends are working security for my favorite party in town on it's best night of the year and I could get in free.  Right now, thousands of people are biking naked in what was one of my favorite moments from last year.  I'm stuck in my house because my body has turned against me.

I don't think I've ever had a real disease before.  I think I had walking pneumonia once before but that's fairly common.  Plus it really puts you down and out.  Shingles doesn't really incapacitate me but it is more contagious and more rare.  Therefore, I've decided to seclude myself.

Sophia went away for the weekend and half of next week.  When she told me months ago that she had booked this trip, I said, 'Damn, you won't be around for WNBR but Hot Damn, I'll have the house to myself for pride weekend.  This isn't how I thought I'd spend it.  Still, it turns out that it's a good thing she's gone.  I'm not in a place physically where I can be really social.  I'm trying not to think about my aching side which has meant either distracting myself from reality through a low dosage of oxycotin or watching the fourth season of Six Feet Under.

Since she's gone and I don't run the risk of getting anyone else sick while I'm in the house, I'm just going to stay here.  I'll e-mail my boss in the morning and tell her I'm at least not coming in on Monday but possibly not on Tuesday or Wednesday either.  The doctor didn't say I had to stay home but I do have a contagious disease.  I don't know at work who has or hasn't had chicken pox before.  I also don't know who's pregnant or who has HIV.  I don't want to be the plague dog that infects the whole office.  I don't even want to be responsible for one more person getting sick.  Plus, I'm in pain and a lack of movement definitely agrees with me right now.

Rather than wallow though, I think I'll try to use the time to write or read when I have the energy.  When not, I'll watch movies but I did take today and catch up on this blog.  I also went back and wrote some entries for May, catching up the 18th (entitled gimme shelter) thru the 24th (entitled avoiding the office water cooler).  Feel free to check it out if you're so inclined.  I don't know how many people if any would but it's okay.  It's really just for my referencing anyway.  Plus, it's helping to look back at May because it really was a fun and exciting month for me.  I need to know that I did just have a good time to prepare me for the days of solitude awaiting me.

Who knows though?  I haven't had a significant time away from it all since my birthday and I'm able to basically just chill out in the comfort of my home now so it may not be so bad.  Like I said, I'm not incapacitated so I may be able to get some stuff done around here that I've been putting off for the last few weeks.  Eh, we'll see what it brings.

What else?
I had the Super Falafel today at the Mediterranean cart nearby.  My new things will most likely not be fascinating for the next several entries so I may just exclude them all together and allow myself just to write.  Hope that's okay.

shingles

Crap. I've got shingles. This weekend is the busiest weekend of the year with Pride, Pedalpalooza, potlucks and the World Naked Bike Ride and I have shingles.

Shingles is akin to chicken pox and typically occurs with seniors.  I don't know how I contracted it but I'm distraught.  After hearing the symptoms, my co-worker looked at my rash and quickly diagnosed it as shingles.  She said she had it a few years ago (and she's a few years younger than me).  I went to Urgent Care at Kaiser and they verified that it was shingles.  Fortunately, I caught it in time where it can be treated with anti-viral meds.  Unfortunately, I can't hang around select people, including pregnant women, people who are HIV positive and people who haven't had the chicken pox before.  That's a lot of people so I'm pretty much going to isolate myself for a while....during my favorite weekend of the year.  This isn't fair.

What else?

 They gave me Oxycotin to help with the pain.  I don't know if I've ever had it before but it definitely helped with the pain...and the worry and the self-pity.  I took Dean out for a walk and we ended up going into Buffalo Exchange where they allow you to bring your well-behaved dog in.  Dean was pretty well-behaved and I bought a new shirt so I'd call it a successful outing.

My housemate got off of a 40+ hour long shift today.  She's in architecture and had some deadlines to meet.  After hearing that and the woes of the people at my internship, I truly appreciate my job.

playing doctor

I have no idea what's wrong with me.  I have Kaiser for medical insurance so I'm left to guess on my own as their 'You're probably fine' diagnosis is no help whatsoever.

I took the day off today for a sick day since I'm in a fair amount of pain.  My whole chest, my triceps and my pelvic region all ache like I've been sunburnt or cut by cat scratches.  I've also developed a rash which leads me to believe that it's allergies and not just flu body aches as Kaiser suggested.  The only thing I could think that I may be allergic to that is new in my life is the laundry fabric softener that I decided to try since I have to babysit my laundry now.  Now, I've got to re-wash everything that I washed before.  Ugh, what a hassle and I'm not even sure that the fabric softener is the problem but I have to try something.

What else?
I saw this awesome art piece at Fat Straw today as I was trying to make myself feel better by getting some bubble tea.  I inquired about the cost but the cashier's didn't know and told me to come back when the manager is there.  It would look great in my bedroom!

For my new thing, I tried the Aybla Mediterranean Cart nearby.  The falafel sandwich will definitely bring me back.

stationed on belmont

Belmont Station near my house has a large selection of good and different beers.  I have already been there a few times since moving in but today I decided to grab some food there for the first time.  The food was okay but I have other better options close by so I probably won't be coming back for food.  However, I will be coming back for drinks, especially when they have generous free samplings like they did today.  I really only had to buy one beer and I had enough to equal another beer just in samples.


What else?
I also went there because I was looking for a nice quiet place to read.  For my summer reading, I'm going to start with Kicked Out, an anthology on homeless LGBTQ youth.  So far, I find it fascinating and I'm glad it's a resource that's out there.

I'm hurting right now.  At first, I believed that it was just pain in my abs from my inverted sit-ups that I did at the gym on Sunday but it seems to be getting worse.  It feels like a sunburn but there is no mark on my body.  I called Kaiser for an appointment but they said it's most likely some bug or some remnant of cold that I had a few weeks ago.  They are most unhelpful.

waking up with needles in my arms

A few weeks ago, I fell asleep with my arm in a funny position.  I slept so hard that my arm didn't move and it ached in the morning.  Ironically, it continued to hurt (either due to sleeping on it funny, lifting excessively or playing a new rhythmic boxing game on Wii) and now I can't sleep because of it.

After putting up with it so long, I decided to go to acupuncture on the arm.  At the Brooklyn Acupuncture Clinic today, I was asked if I had some time I had to be done by.  I didn't so I told her no.  She began to poke me and slowly afterwards, I dozed off quick.  I thought it was only 20 minutes or so but, when I finally flagged the lady down, I asked if she could take out the needles.  My arm was exceptionally stiff but that was because I was out for TWO hours.  I can't believe it.  I mean, damn, I was flat out passed out for hours in a public place.  I guess it's speaks to the comfort of the Clinic.  They may not have fixed my arm but they did help my insomnia.