coming out as a pot-smoker

 

Last holiday season, Dan Savage talked about how holidays are typically time for people to come out to their families. They can come out as gay, bi, poly, or even as a pot-smoker. I didn't come out over the holidays but I did take it as a cue that this should happen sooner than later, especially since it's legal here in Oregon now. I am a pot-smoker.

I've been a casual smoker for a while. It's so much better than alcohol. There's no bloating, no hangover, no messiness. It's just a happy high. In the past, I've had some issues with paranoia but since it's been legal, you can get the strain you want with the effects that you want and none of them include paranoia.

A while ago, my mom was told that she was going to have to have her thyroid removed because it was pre-cancerous. Just recently, the US acknowledged that cannabinoids are good for cancer and cancer treatment so I called my mom yesterday and offered to get her some. She declined but then I took the opportunity to let her know that I smoke occasionally. She had questions but didn't seem alarmed which was good.

Really, it feels good just to be honest. I've been smoking off and on for a while now and I've always just avoided saying it. Now, I don't have to worry or make up stories or say I was drinking when I was really smoking. And I can be honest here. Yay for the truth!

In order to set the scene for coming clean, I went to Laurelhurst Park in the dog area and sat down for a bit to enjoy a new cider, which was my new thing.

 

the first step

I admit it; I have a problem. Some time shortly after I got this tablet, I started downloading video games. It started with Tetris which I just played here and there when I was bored but it was never really alluring to me. Then I got Injustice: Gods Among Us. It's a fighting game with DC Comics heroes & villains. Nightwing pictured above was my favorite guy initially. I was able to keep it under control for a bit. Then they started luring me in with tournaments for new characters. Then I began playing online & vying for a higher position which would yield greater rewards. At first I tried to hide it from Andrew cuz I was embarrassed. Then my need to play overcame any shame & I was unstoppable. It infiltrated my dreams & I started taking longer lunch breaks at work just so I could increase my score & rank.

Today was the end of an online season which generally lasts for six days. This last season which just ended had the reward of the Batgirl character. I already had her but I wanted to make my character stronger so I spent WAY too much time over the last six days playing. I was in the top 3% & was supposed to have some sweet rewards coming my way but they never showed up. And I see this as a sign; It's time to stop.

I have always known that I have a video game addiction. I've gone thru periods in my teens and early twenties where I would stop for a bit but I would always go back. In 2003, I sold my PlayStation and it was liberating. I was so proud of myself. Lately, I've been really feeling that I was a slave to the game & wanted to stop but seriously lacked the willpower. This game glitch was divine intervention. Praise the goddesses.

My new thing was writing a review for the game online in which I reached new nerd depths & complained about not getting my Batgirls. After that was when I realized I had to stop. And just to solidify my resolve, I already filled the space it was taking on my tablet...with the show iZombie & a collection of Deadpool comics cuz I'm still a dork but I'm a dork minus an addiction.

from fireworks to bubble baths: memorial day weekend 2015

I planned to do a post every day and it's even easier for me to post since Andrew fixed my computer last weekend. However, time got away from me and I decided to do a wrap up of the weekend. Here we go:

On Friday, May 22nd, it was the start of the Rose Festival so that meant fireworks! Andrew and I bussed to the waterfront from our house and then met others there. The fireworks show was, as usual, awesome but that wasn't my new thing. My new thing was sitting in a bench I haven't sat in before at Nayar Taqueria. Nayar is one of my neighborhood joints and I've been there quite a bit. However, I've never sat on the bench. It wasn't life-changing but it was a different perspective and really, that's what this whole "one new thing a day" idea is all about. Change it up. It doesn't have to be earth-shattering, just different.

During my class of my graduate program, I wrote a paper on how I will avoid burnout and cited doing one new thing per day. I didn't mention the blog because I hadn't written that favorably about the class here but my professor liked the idea. He said that if I don't "run with the idea" and write a book around it, he may just steal it. I don't think that it's worth a book but I do think that it has validity. We get stuck in ruts and fall into familiar patterns way too easily. This is a way to shake things up, even if it just means finding a new seat.

On Saturday, Andrew wanted to plant our tomatoes and peppers in the garden and I felt like helping. I recently listened to a Joe Rogan podcast with Ron Finley about gardening and it made me want to get into it more. But I had another assignment. Since we have our bike shed in the backyard, we needed a good path to get from the back gate to the bike shed. Andrew had moved some flagstones there but wasn't happy with it so he bought some proper path stones (and moving them from Home Depot to the house was my new thing on Thursday). Being the Tetris fanatic I am, I instantly took to playing with them to derive a pattern that would meet our needs and came up with our path design. It came with its initial frustrations with the stones having to be under the swinging gate but not too low that it was a big drop-off at the start but I eventually found my groove. I didn't quite finish it on Saturday since we ran out of stones and we had friends coming over to visit so I had to clean up but I finished it on Sunday.

On Sunday, I also worked on our dingo-proof fence. My hammock rigging is on the front porch but I really want hang out with Ava while I'm in the hammock so I came up with the idea of a barricade on the porch. I was going to buy a bigger piece of lattice, trim it, and then frame it but Andrew suggested the smaller, pre-framed style which worked out perfectly. I was able to finish the path and get the fence installed all before heading over to Muffin HQ for some board games.

I love gaming on a three day weekend. I love gaming anyway but it can eat up most of a day and then I have guilt but when I've got three days, it's all good. We played Agricola which I love and did a fairly good job in this time. We also played Samurai which was new to me. It's a challenging and unique game which I will play again.

On Monday, I used the stain that was left with the house from the front porch and I stained the fence to match it. It may have well been my first time staining anything since shop class in high school. It looks so good now. We also went for a bike ride down the Springwater Corridor to Sellwood where we went to the Muddy Rudder for the first time. Andrew had been there before but for some reason, he just now introduced me to the place. It's right off the Corridor and I love it. I will definitely be more eager to go for a ride knowing that this place is there. At the Muddy Rudder, I won our first annual Memorial Day cribbage tournament although no drinks were won. Still, I have bragging rights now.

And then I ended the weekend with a bubble bath. I haven't been sleeping great. I will stay up later and then wake up pretty much as soon as it gets light out. Sometimes I can fall back asleep but not always. A combination of some manual labor, a bike ride, a few drinks, a light meal, and then a lavender salted bath had me so relaxed that I'm sure I'll be fine tonight. It was a fabulous weekend. There are things that I could have added on like dancing, a hike, shopping, etc. but right now, I'm completely content.

terrors

This morning, around 12:30am, I was having a normal dream and all of the sudden, I stepped out of a door and onto some creepy crawlies. It freaked me out enough to wake me up and I thought they were in the bed with me so I screamed a blood curdling scream. Obviously, I freaked Andrew out too which I feel bad about.

I've never woke up and screamed before. I don't know if I've ever actually screamed like that before at all. So, to compound my issues, I decided that we should watch the Babadook tonight. What the fuck was I thinking?

What else?
Besides the screaming, my new thing today was having Bridge City Pizza which I really liked. Yesterday's new thing was having the BBQ plate at the Bye and Bye and Thursday's new thing was having a strawberry banana bubble tea from Best Baguette. I was going to say that I need to do less food items for my new things but if it's a choice between that and screaming in the middle of the night, then pass me the bubble tea.

partnership

A nice thing about having taken two years off blogging is that I have a stock of photos that I can use for illustration (like the one above taken during the 2013 Tweed Ride) and that I have a stock of sentiments that I can write about when my day isn't really blog-worthy.

A few months ago, Sophia and her man stated that they heard recently that a key element to success in a romantic partnership is believing that you two are a better partnership than anyone else. I've known some very successful couples but I would say that Andrew and I are right up there.

Really, I never thought that I would have this would happen to me, that I would find someone that I could trust so easily, be so comfortable around, depend on, and enjoy so much. Sure, we've had our moments but I always view those as opportunities to grow. I think the important thing is that we compliment each other well. We fit, you know? We had a lot of similarities like our belief that dogs are superior creatures, our appreciation for a good mixed drink, our desire to ride bikes as much as possible, our general disdain for society as a whole, and we're even (almost) the same clothing size. Today, we were wearing each others' clothes. I know some opposite-sex couples who do that from time to time but our wardrobe is basically one.

We also have our differences which work well together. This weekend, Andrew spent a lot of time gardening in preparation for our backyard party on Sunday. I spent most of the time cleaning the inside of the house and taking Ava for long walks. Andrew teaches me about poetry (seriously, I have been able to randomly find lines from poets that I hadn't heard of and he can identify the author and the poem) and I school him on Simpsons references. It works, you know. And I'm happy. I think he's happy. And Maria and Ava are happy so we're all good.

My new thing today was using a line that he taught me as I met a new person today. We had an OSPRIG solicitor come to the door. I have a hard time saying no to people in general but Andrew aided me by giving me a simple excuse to get out of giving: "I'd love to donate but I have an agreement with my partner to review any contributions with him so if you'd leave me some literature and contact info, I'll discuss it with him." Boom. Done. Problem solved.

thank the gods

I don't believe that Obama is the savior and I don't agree with a good amount of his policies. Yes, it sucks to have to side with the lesser of two evils but that's what I felt I had to during this election.

I'm not as glad that Obama win as I am that Romney lost. As a feminist gay man, the ideas that he & his party were pushing made me nervous. Facebook hasn't eased my concerns, hearing friends & mostly family that supported Romney. It made me nervous.

Tonight, I rejoiced with Andrew & his friends & a good bunch of Portlanders at the Bagdad Theater. I'm also celebrating for Washington State for supporting gay marriage & Wisconsin for electing the first openly gay senator.

Yeah, the political parties suck and so do a whole lot if government policies. However, starting slightly ahead instead of 50 years back is definite progress & I'm happy for tonight. Tomorrow, I'll work towards real change.

looking forward

I've been in a rut for a bit. That's part of my excuse for not updating my blog. The rut mainly consists of school and work and the rainy weather. However, we had a semi-dry weekend, I'm skipping school this week to watch the election coverage and I got caught up on my work last Thursday so here's a blog update.

Today, I had a great day, working out in the morning, getting a latte around noon at Powells while I read the latest Walking Dead comic, walking around the hood with Arturo and eating vegan milkshakes at Dick's. I also booked the Gearharts beach house for Christmas with Andrew since I'm not going back to Nebraska until my new nephew's born in January. The beach house is what I'm going to be the light at the end of this school quarter's tunnel.

What else?
I thought about going back to update October but for the most part, my new things consisted of new foods or new experiences at my internship. Here are the exceptions and/or the things that stood out.

On Saturday, October 6th, I went to the last night of the PLGFF in which they showed Cloudburst, a lesbian road trip movie with Olympia Dukakis. I can't recommend it enough. Afterwards, Andrew and I went to the afterparty at Crush which was fun but I liked the kickoff party better.

On Sunday the 7th, I watched the Timbers game at Long Haus on a projector in the back porch which has been nicely redone. Also, I joined Bastard and MLE at Ship's Ahoy afterwards for birthday drinks and good conversation.

On Wednesday the 10th, I woke up to the sound of scratching in the drywall behind my bed.

On Thursday the 11th, I met a new guy, the exterminator named Jason.

On Friday the 12th, Xbox and I had a great conversation about the house. Also, I went to see Margaret Cho who awesome as were her opening acts. So so so funny. I also went to Bare Bones bar with Jen, Ashes and Victory and later Justin and MLE. While we were there, we saw Chris Chandler from OCF. When I stopped him to tell him how much V and I enjoyed his library show at the last fair, he sat down with us and chatted for a while.

On Saturday the 13th, Andrew and I went to Brews for New Avenues. My old internship is really good at fundraising and they almost always incorporate booze into it. :)

On Sunday the 14th, I went to the Walking Dead season premiere at the Academy with Jen. It's a series that's really meant to be seen in the theater! Andrew and I also gave Dean a bath!

On Monday the 15th, I downloaded LibreOffice, a freeware version of Micro-shaft. I like it a lot more and I won't go back.

On Saturday the 20th, I took the day to work on my first paper for the term. I finished it in good time. Sophia made vegan chili so we ate that all day and, after I finished my paper, we played a new game which ended up being a D&D game. Yes, I have crossed that threshold.

On Sunday the 21st, Andrew and I went to see Blood Simple, the Cohen Bros first movie. It was great! We also went to Pastrygirl, the bakery/coffeeshop for the first time.

On Thursday the 25th, I biked to Clackamas for work for the first time since my accident (where the top pic comes from).

On Saturday the 27th, I DJ'ed Ashes' 33rd bday party. Since it was his 33rd, it was a Jesus/religious theme. I went as Lot's Wife (a salt shaker). I was one of only four or five people in costume but I still had fun.

On Sunday the 28th, Andrew and I went bar-hopping up Belmont during the afternoon, lightly drinking and snacking while playing cards. We ended up at Hob Nob Grille for the first time where I taught Andrew how to play Backgammon...and he beat me two times. It was also the 10th anniversary of my coming out. 10 years ago, my friend Joe directly asked me if I was gay and he was the first person I said yes to.

On Halloween, I didn't do a thing except go out to eat with Andrew. I really feel that I failed Halloween this year.

On Friday the 2nd, Ashes and I walked to a client's home on NW 23rd as part of my internship. I love working in the same building with him and getting to do breaks together. It was a lovely day for a walk too!

On Saturday the 3rd, Andrew and I went to the Republic downtown where I ordered a new dish. He's never been there and I haven't been there for years. We also went to Seven Psychopaths which sucked so hard.

And that's it. I'll try to update more often and to take more pictures.

brian

 

Years ago, when I came out, I was faced with the task of telling (almost) everyone. As much as possible, I tried to gather people together to tell them so I wouldn't have to do it so many times. It's really nerve-racking. 

I tried to tell as many people in person as I could but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell Brian in person. Brian, on the far left in the picture above, was my roommate in college. I started hanging out with him and Nate (in the middle) my sophomore year. After the three of us graduated from McCook Community College, we went to the UNK where Brian and I roomed together in a variety of houses and apartments for the next four years. After that, he moved to Hastings and I stayed in Kearney. We kept in contact but we were on different paths.

When I moved to Portland, I would still talk to him here and there but it wasn't regular. When I came out to some other friends from Kearney in person, I came back to Portland and called him. I chit-chatted for a bit and then just said, "So, I'm gay." Now, I imagine it's a bit of a shock (although most people weren't that surprised) but Brian seemed speechless and then, he said, "So, do you wear women's clothing or something now?" At the time, I was a little offended that this was his understanding of gay men so I said no. However, I was wearing women's pants but not in a cross-dressing fashion. I just liked the way they fit better.  So I said, "Well, wait, I guess I am wearing women's pants." I don't know if this was too much to process for him or if he just didn't want to think about how he had just unknowingly lived for several years but I haven't heard from him since. I should say that Brian isn't a bigot at all. We had a mutual friend in college who was out and it was fine. I think I tried to call him shortly afterwards and was unsuccessful. I also sent him a letter, saying that I would like to hear from him and I never did.

It's always bothered me how he reacted and how I should have handled the situation better. He was on my mind last night because it was his birthday so I had a dream about him. In my dream, we were meeting at a restaurant. I was meeting Nate (who was totally fine with it and whom I still keep in contact with) and we found out Brian was there. His big brother (who is non-existent because Brian is the oldest in his family) was there and said that it would be okay for me to talk to Brian. We had a really good talk and he got to ask some questions, very much like I remembered Brian would have and I got the chance to explain why I hadn't told him earlier.  I woke up feeling refreshed and at ease like I finally had closure on the situation.

What else?

I knew I wanted to write this post and I knew that I wanted to use the above picture. I decided to break down and buy a scanner today. I got a Epson Perfection V500 after reading several good reviews on-line. I scanned in a lot of photos from McCook and then some from Hastings (the video store) and the Archway. It was nice looking through those old photos and sharing the memories with friends via facebook.

Yesterday, I also went to Andrew's to take care of his cat and climbed out onto the roof with her for my new thing. And I ate the BBQ sandwich at Eastside Deli. That's my new regular place.

dog day afternoon

I don't see how parents do it. How do you hold this responsibility constantly? I guess kids are generally smarter than dogs and wouldn't destroy an office and then hide in the closet just because the FedEx guy opened the screen door to put a package in between the doors.

After I saw this, I sort of lost it. I don't mean that I lost my temper but I had lost my patience. It was so initially frustrating (why is he doing this? did i make a mistake moving him over a year ago? can i really support myself and be happy by working out of home so i can at least help keep him from doing this again possibly??) that I knew I should have just excused myself from everything else tonight just to fret over it all and come up with some answers.

Instead, I arrived at my date with Andrew and was just preoccupied.I was bordering on cranky about the fact that I had to deal with it. I had an awesome soup at Blue Moon Lounge downtown while waiting for a Science Pub at the Mission Theater. We went to the theater to discover that they were at capacity. This added disappointment and confusion to my frustration and crankiness and I had to tell Andrew that I was done and I needed to go stew over it all.

It was the best idea because I didn't want to take it out on him and I needed time to think about it and properly process it. I felt bad about leaving tho because I've never left a date before and it just seems rude. Anyway, I did get a chance to ponder it with my beer and hammock and book. I realized I can't be mad at the dog because he's obviously just scared and that's not his fault. I'm not going to pay for therapy so I'll just employ some harm-reduction. I asked everyone to not get packages delivered to the house. I'll ensure that the office and shower doors are each closed properly so he can't go in there if he wants to hide. I'll also leave the bathroom door open so he can choose to go in there and just shut the door if he must hide. I've been home when we've gotten a delivery, unbeknownst to the delivery guy so I know that the delivery guy isn't deliberately frightening him. If I didn't, my first step would be to survail my house to see if he's doing something messed up.

So, yeah, I'm good. Now I just have to make it okay with Andrew tomorrow.

What else?
I finished the Hunger Games series today. I burned through book 1 and book 2 but took my time with 3 because I enjoyed the storytelling and I was a little less ready to let it go. It's a surprisingly radical series that I'd definitely recommend for a fun summer week read. 

waterfall diving

Tonight, I jumped off the side of a rock wall into a waterfall. It's been a goal to jump along a waterfall into the pool below for some time now. I can't imagine how awesome it must be when the water isn't glacial-cold! Still, it was pretty awesome!

As per our hot weekend tradition, I went to Oneonta Gorge with Ashes, Victory and Raven today. Andrew, Bastard and Emily also joined us. It wasn't as hot today as it was yesterday but the coolness of the Gorge was still worth the trip. After the log jam (pictured in the first picture above), we hiked to the waterfall through chest deep water. I love this trail because it's not for everyone. People with start the hike, see the log jam and give up. Then, if they make it past the log jam, they may not be prepared for the deep water and might turn back. However, if they make it to the end, they still might not approach the waterfall and jump in. But we did.

Ashes was the first person that we saw climb the rock face today next to the falls to jump in. I saw that he climbed it and then Andrew swim over that way. I knew that I'd never hear the end of it if I didn't do it too so I jumped in. The water was FREEZING and the falls pushed me towards the edge of the pool so I had to struggle just to get to the wall. Ashes had already made it up the cliff and into the pool by the time I started. Andrew tried and then swam back a ways to reevaluate how it was to be done. I got a hint from Ashes and then I went for it. At one point, I had to hoist myself up onto a ledge, using just my arms. It was a ways up out of the water but thankfully I go to the gym. :)

When I was on the rock wall, I began to lose my nerve. I don't like jumping a long ways into water but I was convinced that it was going to be okay and random strangers started coaxing me so I did it. It was pretty epic for me. I can't say that I do this every day but it's pretty damn wonderful to know that it is realistically an option for me.

What else?
As per usual, we headed down to where the falls spill into the river. I went to retrieve my phone at this time to capture some memories from this awesome day. Then I dropped my phone in the river. It was in there for a minute before Andrew spotted it and retrieved it. I was told by Victory, Ashes and Bastard to put it in a sack of rice which I did. I've tried this trick years ago with the droid which got we in my pocket after biking in the rain and it didn't work. Even if it doesn't work, it was still an awesome day!

alternative states of mind

 

This year, Fair has been just fair. Last year, when I was getting ready to leave, I fought against the idea of reintegrating into outside society. Fair was just too fabulous. So far, this year's fair has been fun but not extraordinary. However, today made it all worth it.

I did my morning shift, found Tim who was visiting again with his friend and then went and watched a circus act. I haven't sat through a lot of the acts this year and today I was determined to see at least one. I ended up getting there early and catching the end of the Dr Atomic Medicine Show which is pretty radical. Then I watched the Eccentric something-or-other circus thing. It was a funny act with some decent stunts and a good break-dancer. Right afterwards, I was walking out of the show and the parade dragon came by so I jumped in and paraded into the Chaela Maela Meadow and danced in the sun. After that, I found a beat-boxer performing under the tent. I strolled for a bit when that was done and happened upon the Risk of Change group. I paraded with them for a while and stumbled upon Ashes, Victory and Tomas.

It was just a great several moments where I really felt like I was a part of the fair and so was everyone else and it was all beautiful. I realized that this is how fun and wonderful humans are capable of being. I'm a misanthrope in the outside world but it's easy to be a philanthrope...at least temporarily. Still, I would like to bring some of that out of Fair when I leave and into the outside world. Yeah, we're a plague on the earth as a species but we're not all bad individually and we can do some good.

What else?

After hanging out at the camp for most of the late afternoon and evening, we headed into the Fair at dark. Victory and I went to see Chris Chandler perform a late night show in the library. It wasn't as solemn as Jason Webley's late show last year but it was still entertaining. Fair wouldn't be fair without seeing Chris Chandler a few times.

return of the pedi or the search for spokes (star trek vs star wars 3)

 

This ride has gotten a lot bigger since the last time I went on it. While many of the costumes (and of course the AT-AT walker) were impressive, I was a little disappointed that not more people were dressed up. Plus, I think that the Star Wars costumes were a lot more impressive because they are a lot flashier than the standard Trek uniform. Well, next year, I might just bring flashy back with Khan. Or I might cave and go with Star Wars. At any rate, I want to start on my costume earlier and not end up wearing polyester. It doesn't breathe! Sigh, the things I'll do to look authentic.

Here's my YouTube video of the ride:



What else?
Yesterday, we had the Gayest Ride of the Year. I love that this is a ride in Pedalpalooza but it's also usually the tamest ride of the year. I brought Andrew and my stereo this time though. I had made a playlist at work and then went home and zip-tied my radio to the front of my bike. I think that it went over great. I had a number of people asking me about it which was cool. I'll have to break it back out for next week's Lit and Loud Ride.

Also, today, I did laundry and decided it was too nice of a day to use the dryer so I strung up some string in the back and hung my laundry out to dry. It felt good to be able to do that instead of wasting the dryer energy.

highbrown eyebrow

I got my haircut today at Bishops and, for the first time ever, the person cutting my hair asked me if I would like her to trim my eyebrows. Have I gotten to that age? My eyebrows are generally pretty faint but I think I may have had one or two wild hairs in there. Odd but memorable so I tipped more. I like it when new things happen to me and I don't have to always seek them out.

cemetery men

This weekend's long bike ride wasn't that long but it did have a significant incline at the end. Andrew and I headed up to Riverview Cemetery for my first visit there. Apparently, bicyclists really enjoyed biking up in the cemetery and the caretakers were opposed to them biking through. However, they figured if you can't beat 'em, join 'em and they established bike routes around the cemetery.

Although I don't care for hanging out in cemeteries, it was a beautiful, quiet spot and I was quite tired from biking up the hill so we sat down in between plots and played some cards. It seems wrong somehow but we weren't being disrespectful or anything. In fact, we were reading the tombstones so, in a way, we were remembering the dead.

Afterwards, we dined at Night Light and went to Rimsky Korsakoffee for dessert (where I sat at the vibrating table for the first time). Then, we decided we needed to work off the ice cream and went over to hang out in the Lonesome Fir cemetery. Unfortunately, we encountered a lot of people (and oddly enough, only women) so there wasn't much quiet time. Still, it was a great day.

teaching the ice queen

I haven't written much about the worst boss I ever had but I've written a little. Anyway, about five and a half years ago, she made every day for me suck. I don't think she had it in for me specifically but she just had no people skills and hence, everyone hated her. However, I had to work directly under her as her assistant and she was the store manager. She was irrational, a perfectionist, too sensitive and a cut-throat. She yelled at a donation attendant for a while because he raised his eyebrows during a meeting. She yelled at me for two hours because I had let everyone come in 30 minutes early and leave 30 minutes early on Christmas Eve, I sent out a "Happy Holidays" from our store and I ordered donuts from Krispy Kreme instead of Winco. It was ridiculous.

Since quitting on her, I went through a transition period where I had to see her weekly but after a few months, she was transferred and I haven't seen her in years. Today, she was at a class I had to teach. I only had to teach the last hour of it but I swear I wanted to call in sick rather than be in the same room with her, even for an hour.

However, I stuck with it and taught the class with her sitting right in the front. I refused to make eye contact with her although she did ask questions so I had to address her then. And really, it wasn't that bad. Actually, I'm relieved. I think that the memory of her had manifested into this monstrous Ice Queen but really she's just a person with no people-skills and more than a touch of OCD. I still don't care for her but at least I faced down my demon.

What else?

In Andrew's absence, I've feeding his cat Maria and spending time with her. Yesterday was my first day at his place without him. It was odd. Today I took a quick cat-nap with her while I attempted to read an article for school.

Also, I cashiered with one of my clients for the first time today. I'm pretty proud that I have the first client in my company's history to work on a register!

and how

Today, I put myself out there and made more of a commitment than I had previously been willing to do. Each year (well, each year for the past two years), I have gone on a beach trip on my birthday with just Dean and I. I loved it the first year. Last year wasn't so wonderful but it was still nice to have a vacation. This year, I was second-guessing going. Winter in Portland hasn't been too harsh and I haven't been compelled to escape it. Yet, I feel the need to continue with a tradition. Last year may have not been what I was expecting but to not go now would feel like I was admitting that it was never a great idea. Instead of admitting defeat, I have chosen to alter my tradition slightly and invite a significant other.

For some reason, I find it difficult as well as unnecessary to refer to Andrew as my boyfriend. We haven't had that talk and it seems silly anyway. Why does that label need to be applied? I think I understand our relationship. Maybe I'll be surprised by a great lack of understanding one of these days but I'm going to go with that I know for right now because that's where it's comfortable and also a little intriguing. With labels come expectations and possibly stability. I'll take the mystery for right now instead.

At any rate, he accepted the invitation so I guess we'll see what the future holds. Interestingly enough, I found out that he is a published author today. How did I not know that? When I went to e-mail him the invite, I saw that his e-mail address was from his own dot-com. When I went to the site, I was surprised to find that he has two books on sale on Amazon. We see each other weekly now but this getaway will provide a lot more opportunities to discover new things about each other. As much as I don't like labels and the ideas of forcing relationships, I'm looking forward to what may come.

heal thyself

Today, I took a mental health day (a non-sick sick day) and focused on mental illness by reading the "DSM [diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders] Made Easy." Over the weekend, my teacher emailed out the syllabus for the intensive class which begins this Friday. It's intensive because it's going to last for eight hours on a Friday. I've considered backing out of the class, focusing on my Wednesday class and then just taking an extra class next quarter but I really like the subject matter for this class. In this class, we look at the process behind which people use the DSM to identify conditions that people have. I'm not big on labels but I do love the idea of trying to diagnose someone in hopes that you can then begin to help them.

For the first time, I looked into the DSM which brought some new diagnoses to light and I gave myself a quick diagnosis which I won't be sharing here. I just need to complete my Wednesday class which is about the intervention that is to be used once a diagnosis is given so I can help myself.

What else?
Additionally, I tried the Coconut Milk Mocha at Common Grounds for the first time. It was nice and it gave me the little kick I needed to start wading through such thick material. I will say that I normally begrudge the readings I have to do but this one really interested me. Maybe I am cut out for this work. That, combined with getting to hang out with Dean and listen to trance music in the background while it snowed slightly outside made for a pretty good sick day.

dj tophurious

After J256, Sophia, Martin, Tim and I went to brunch at Delta Cafe. At the Delta, Sophia was reading an article in the Mercury which used the term, "tofurious" to describe an angry vegetarian. I fell in love with the word and applied it to my nickname to come up with my DJ name: DJ Tophurious.

Tonight, we had Victory's birthday party. The theme was Budget Recessionista. Basically, she wanted everyone to dress nice but to feel comfortable coming with thrift store dress clothes if necessary. I had been asked to DJ the party and I have been practicing for over a week now, just prepping my tunes. I had mentioned it to Andrew before Christmas but I remembered yesterday that I had been meaning to invite him even though he's never really met my friends. I was surprised but pleased that he said he'd love to go. Ack, pressure!

I don't know why I have avoided introducing him to the others. I suppose I would go back to Willow logic, from Buffy, Season 4. I just want to keep him as mine. However, I did want him there and he wanted to come so I brought him and it ended up being great. He's very charming and intelligent so I shouldn't be surprised that it went so well. I think what I was really nervous was my friends (and co-workers even) cluing him into a little more about me and he might not like something that he hears. I don't know what because I'm tactlessly upfront with him about almost everything but I was still worried. My worries turned out to be unfounded. He was very impressed by my friends and I think they reflected very well on me.

And DJ'ing went exceptionally well. People were fabulous about dancing. Once I figured out that everyone pretty much wanted to dance to pop, I had it down. I hit a especially magical stride at 128 beats per minute when I played my new favorite song, Hello. Having a wonderful party with my fabulous friends and co-workers meeting my guy, DJing an awesome set and getting much kudos for it, and having it on the Friday before a three-day weekend made for an almost perfect night.

Leave it up to me to screw that up by myself later.

testing...one...two

I don't normally care for personality tests (that's one thing I really don't miss about MySpace) and I'm not interested in OKCupid anymore but for fun, Jesse and I took their personality test today with Sophia encouragement. He was less satisfied with his results than I was with mine. I think that it pegged me pretty well. I'm a Billy Goat!

What else?
On Friday, 12/16, I made an important phone call regarding work. I can't go into it but hopefully something will come of it.

On Saturday, 12/17, I went to my co-worker Lindsay's house for the first time for a Christmas party. Below is a picture of some of what I wore. I ended up wearing black pants instead of red, I had red and white striped socks and a green elf hat on.

brunch date

Andrew and I did brunch together for the first time. It's silly but I see this as a step but I'm not sure what it's a step towards. I like where we're at and I don't see the need to change it really but I guess it's fun to see where it can go.

What else?
I fell off the wagon properly yesterday. Jenn and I had drinks for brunch, I met Josie (yay!) for drinks at the Red and Black (where I had my first Shot in the Dark which is an espresso shot in a stout) and then Jesse and I went drink some Terminator Stouts while watching the Terminator at the Bagdad Theater. And then of course Andrew and I had drinks today. Oh well, I knew it was only a week long ride when I got on.

Oh, I got my haircut yesterday too and once again, by a new stylist.