celebration of life

I could write a post about this:

It was my first time as a pall bearer.  It's odd.  There's a body in there.  That becomes so much more real when you are one of the people hauling it away.  It was quite nice though that us six grandsons were pall bearers.  I couldn't bring myself to view the body.  I did so with my grandpa on my mom's side.  It was in the early eighties so I'm sure that they've gotten better about making the bodies look lifelike but it forever changed how I view him.  I didn't want a made-up image to skew my memories of Grandma.

However, this is how I choose to write about today:

This is all my grandma's great-grandchildren.  This was the first time that the entire family (save an in-law or two) were all gathered together.  It was great to see everyone and to talk about what an amazing woman my grandma was with others that loved her just as much.

It was the usual church ceremony during the funeral.  However, the closing music for the funeral was polka.  That's what Grandma loved.  When I stayed at her house during the winter vacations, I would usually wake up to the sound of polka and her two-stepping around the kitchen.  I'd get up so I could be one of the first ones to pick out a polish sausage to be cooked.  I'd later have to skin in (or Grandma could do it if I talked her into it) and she'd cut it up.  I'd eat it with a combination of ketchup and mustard.

That's what I like remembering and that's what I came back for, to celebrate the memories of her life.

first day of school

It's my 600th post & my first day of school.

I have to take off soon to Nebraska for my grandma's funeral so I had to get a lot of work stuff wrapped up today. After all that, school was a relief.

College was kind of like I expected, long classes, professors speaking to students on an even level, not talking down to us.

My 520 policy class will probably be challenging. I don't excel in the administrative side of things. Plus it's gonna be writing-intensive. The professor seems really nice though.

My 539 diversity (social justice) class seems just like I thought it would. We put our chairs in a circle & talked casually about privilege. I'm really looking forward to this class.

Anyway, I'm not going to work Monday mornings before school anymore. I think it'll require a lot more of my attention.

Mr W's party

Throughout my retail career, I used to get unjustifiably pissed at people who didn't have to work a weekend day.  I thought of it as elite of them and not sympathetic with 'working' people.  However, I have a slightly different view now that I hold 'banker's' hours.

Today, I did several tasks for work.  The one problem was it's Saturday and I wasn't getting paid.  The first thing I did was participate in the Kiwanis walk.  One of my co-workers organized a work team so of course I had to do it.  Besides, he does the AIDS walk so I owed him.  I could've said no but I like Kiwanis and I think he's pretty awesome for doing this for them.

I also went to a client's birthday party.  One of my guys, Mr W, had a birthday party and invited me and several of other staff members.  This is the first social event I have went to for one of my clients that wasn't really work related.  It threw me off for a bit.  His mom offered me a beer and initially, I refused because work policy dictates we don't drink.  However, I quickly came around to the idea that this wasn't work, I wasn't getting paid and I wanted a beer.

The party was great.  Mr W enjoyed himself quite a lot, has a great supportive family and got a lot of money.  Some of our other clients were there so we all got to hang with them outside of work too.  After he was done opening up his gifts, Mr W told everyone to be quiet because I was going to make a speech about him.  It was completely unexpected but he's a great guy so I had a number of good things to say.  I think he appreciated it.  I hope he did.  Anyway, it was a great time and I wouldn't have taken a paycheck for going to it.  It was too much fun (and I wouldn't have been able to have a beer!).

grandma psota

I just found out that my Grandma Psota died.

I got a call on Wednesday from my mom.  Grandma was in the hospital and had taken a turn for the worse.  Coincidentally, it was 14 years from the day that her husband, my grandpa had died.

Her health hasn't been good for a while and I know that she's been lonely since Grandpa has been gone.  Maybe it's because I hadn't been home for such a long time but it seems like this was more of a sudden change in her health, like it had just gotten really bad a few weeks ago.

I had the chance to say goodbye to her as my dad put the phone up to her ear.  How do you say goodbye forever to someone?  Everyone was pretty certain that she was going to die, even she was.  On Monday, she apparently said that she was ready to go.  She also stopped eating so we knew it was just a short matter of time.

My grandma was amazing.  Throughout my childhood, she was one of the major maternal influences in my life, right behind my mother.  When I was in high school, I would spend a week or two at the farm with her and Grandpa, usually just to get me out of the house during the summer.  I loved helping her out, watching soaps with her during the afternoon and eating with her and Grandpa during the evening (and then watching Wheel of Fortune).  We'd play pitch and she'd make root beer floats.

After Grandpa died, I was surprised Grandma continued as well as she did.  She lived on a farm on her own in the middle of Nebraska for over a decade.  She was an incredibly strong woman.  However, it was also apparent that she was lonely.

During the last few years of her life, Grandma's health began to deteriorate and it began apparent that living alone on the farm was no longer an option.  She moved to an assisted living home but was never really home there.  Grandma's livelihood had been the farm.

I believe that she was greatly suffering in the end so it's almost a blessing to have her at peace.  She was the matriarch of the extended family and it will never be the same with her gone.  I loved her dearly, didn't know her as well as I should have, didn't let her know me as well as she should have and I can't ever really fix that now.

izzy b

 

After a weekend of camping, I needed to spoil myself.  I did so with my favorite dinner (Eggplant and Tofu in Garlic Sauce from Than Thao) with one of my favorite people while meeting Izzy B, the dog she's been housesitting.  She is surprisingly active for an 11 year old dog but she's also less than half the size of Dean.  Hopefully when he gets that old, he's still as active as she is.

historical perspective

I think that I've learned more about the history of an area on this trip than I have on any vacation ever.  I had no idea what went on 56 million years ago here.  I'm bad with history, especially really ancient history but it's still significant...perhaps more significant than us right now.

You think about the grand time-line of things.  Things (mammals, reptiles, birds, etc) had been walking this spot tens of millions of years before humans were a concept.  Human history, in comparison, hasn't been that long, especially any history that we consider to be above prehistorical, aka 'civilization.'  Yet, despite the fact that we are a blip on the grand scale of things, we are still bringing on the next major extinction event.  That's man's legacy.

Today, I went to the last of the three John Day Fossil Bed exhibits (yesterday's was the Sheeprock Unit/Blue Basin), the Clarno Unit.  Each unit is very distinct, not only in appearance but also in regards to the participation level allowed to the visitors.  Painted Hills was pretty but without a lot of substance.  Sheeprock was very educational but there was a BIG emphasis on the "don't touch!"  Clarno let us walk amongst the rocks and find fossils on our own.  We pretty much stayed on path, only venturing slightly off to look at the sides of boulders which have fallen from the Wile-E rocks above.  They had exposed fossils of leaves and branches in them and, in some cases, whole tree trunks.  It was pretty awesome.

It got me thinking to what we're leaving behind.  Tens of millions of years from now, when maybe the lizards (or aliens) have evolved to excavate the earth, will they find the fossils left by tropical lava flows, consisting of cokes cans and remote controls? 

I'm not trying to be too down on humanity but I don't want to let us off the hook either.  We're really screwing up this world.  It's pretty evident when a state-run tourist attraction admits as much.

Still, I'm really glad I came out this way.  It was a great experience with a good friend that I will treasure.

woke up this morning

My day in pictures...

Last night, I fell asleep underneath the stars.  I made six wishes on falling stars, each one unique.

I woke up at 6:40 am because I can't sleep in tents and the sky was ablaze with vibrant energy.

In the middle of nowhere, between small and smaller towns, there was a leaf-barren tree that was decorated in old shoes.

I took an educational tour while out camping.  It reminded me of something that my parents would force me to do when I was younger.  Now it's my choice.

I walked through a blue canyon and held the cast of a creature that is a kin to saber tooth tigers.

I saw several herds of deer, each pausing too long to stare back at me from the side of the road.

I dipped my hand in a mountain lake, surrounded by cat-tails.  I haven't seen cat-tails since I used to visit the Missouri River as a child with my best friend and his dad.

I watched the sun go down in a different forest than I started the day in. 

Everything is new.

painted hills

How can I be sick of rainforests?  How spoiled am I?

Actually, I'm not sick of rainforests, beaches or mountains.  I was just ready for a change of scenery.  Oregon has such a wide variety of environments that it seems a shame not to visit all of them at least once.  This weekend, I decided to go with more of a desert feel.

I wanted to take a good three day vacation for a while now but especially before school started.  Arturo and I were originally talking about camping at Bagby Springs by Mt Hood but then he brought up the idea of the going to the John Day Fossil Beds which intrigued me.  A co-worker then verified that it was an awesome place and urged me to go so I did.

The John Day Fossil Beds are divided into three main sites.  Today, we drove out east and visited the first site, the Painted Hills.  They were pretty but also kind of boring.  There just wasn't a lot there besides uniquely colored hills.  However, the drive out there was fun and Ochoco National Forest, where we camped at, was also pretty and scenic.  It was odd too because there were cows in the forest and, unfortunately, hunters all around. 

We drove around the forest quite a bit, didn't like the camps that we saw and settled on a meadow with a unofficial campsite to the right of it.  It was perfect.  I like car camping because it allows you easy access to everything and you don't have to feel like dying before dark like I did last time we went out.  However, the coolest part and the whole reason for going out camping was the stars.  It was really all the scenery I needed to see.

re-orientation

When I agreed to go back to college, I thought, "Okay, this will be a fun experiment.  It might not go well but I can at least give it a shot since work is going to pay for it."  It was basically a work assignment.  There was very little pressure.  I wanted to get in (to feel accepted) so I was excited when that happened but I have been less compelled to prove myself after having a University validate my worth.  However, now that it's the eleventh hour and school is just about here, I've got to say that I'm a bit more nervous.

Honestly, throughout my entire educational history, I'd say I studied maybe half of what I was supposed to do.  I was a solid B- student simply because I test well.  At community college, when I figured out that you could skip classes and nobody cared, I was closer to a C- student.  However, thanks to some friends forging a letter from the Dean of Students, saying that my shoddy attendance would be reported to my parents, I began going to classes again and finding things that interested me.

But now I'm in a Masters Program and feeling more than a little pressure.  First off, I want to succeed because I really love this field of Social Work.  I'm quite passionate about it and would like to think that this is where my future lies.  Second, my brother and sister both have Master's Degrees.  Since everyone in my family knows that I'm going back to school, I can't quit if it gets too hard.  Third, work is paying for school but only after I get an A or a B.  I have to pay for my books and tuition initially and will only get reimbursed if my grades are worthy.  Wow, pressure!

At pre-orientation, I was with other part-time students who are going through the program in three or four years.  Today, I got assigned to a table with a whole lot of two year students who were talking about where they were interning already.  Crap, it took me an extra fifteen minutes just to find the building where the orientation was taking place.  Plus my advisor didn't show so I felt an even greater sense of not-belonging.

However, after lunch, I was placed with the other part-timers and felt a lot more comfortable.  After a library tour, I made a point to take up the MSW Director of Student Affairs and the MSW Program Director (who, BTW, announced in his address to incoming students that he is an openly gay man and wished to especially welcome all GLBTQ students!!!).  I actually had some legitimate questions about my course of study but I was also just wanting to make sure they knew who I was so I could be sure my needs were being met.  They were both very friendly, helpful and approachable.  They gave me some really good insight into the avenues I should pursue to fit my interests.  They even talked me into taking an additional class on supported employment.

I hope that I'm able to balance this all.  I hope that I can keep my job, my schooling and my sanity.  I hope I can reorient myself into study mode and actually pull it all off.

weapons of mass transportation

I think that I can do it.  I think I can get rid of my car.

My job requires that I have a reliable form of transportation.  For most, that translates to 'have a car.'  However, I like pushing the envelope and finding the loopholes.  The biggest, broadest understanding of that requirement could mean, 'at least have a bus pass,' but they could argue that a bus would take to long between the switches and the waiting.  However, they don't have a problem with a zipcar.  I've talked to my boss about it and the company lawyer to see if there would be any legal issues.  Zipcar is insured (better than my insurance actually) so there's really not a thing they can site wrong with it.  They did ask if I would have access to it in case of an emergency.  It turns out that I will.  Today, I was planning on borrowing Ashes' car to run to one of my sites.  However, something came up quick and it wasn't available.  Within minutes, I had logged into Zipcar's website and reserved a car.

This was my first time taking a Zipcar out for work purposes and the first time I've driven a Honda Civic Hybrid.  I don't recommend it.  It's too damn uncomfortable.

When school starts at the end of the month, I won't do the clothing donation pickups anymore.  Since that's one major use for my car gone, I figured it will be a good time to get rid of it.  I'm not sure if I'll sell it on Craigslist or not.  I know I just don't want to pay insurance on it anymore.

The picture above is the new green MAX line that runs along I-205.  I also visited the Powell stop for the MAX today which one of my new clients will be using to get to their new store.  No car for them either.  Yay!

the rom-com

I worked in as a video store snob for several years.  How come is it then that I never heard of the term 'Rom-Com?"

It makes sense.  Sci-fi = science fiction & Rom-com = romantic comedy.  I get it.  I just can't believe I haven't heard it used before today.  Maybe that's because I have little to no interest in seeing most romantic comedies.  However, I am a sucker (complete and utter sucker...I didn't mean it like that) for independent films though.  (Look, you can tell it's an independent movies by the funky layered clothing, glasses, beard and the arty shot on the moving airport sidewalk.)  For the most part, I think that they have a higher level of comedic and dramatic value.  Also, I just like movies with a small budget and bigger heart.

'Away We Go' will not be the worse movie I've seen but it could've been a lot better.  There are just so many deep and dramatic scenes towards the end so you forget that it used to be a comedy.  Plus it's real heterosexist.  It has several straight couples and a few single people just looking for that perfect person...of the opposite gender.  Still, Jim from the Office is pretty adorkable in it.

Anyway, that was my movie for the night.  My new thing was going on a different route for this year's Diabetes Walk and hanging out with different co-workers out of the office.  However, I just couldn't bring myself to blog about it because this movie was considerably more interesting.   That's a sad reflection on my lazy Sunday.

quasi-art

 

 

  

I think that my musical taste has gone awry.  When I see bands like Quasi, I have to stop and think, "Why don't I listen to more bands like this more often?"  I've been cheap and lazy, getting any new music ideas from casual internet searches, radio paradise or the clubs.

Needless to say, I loved this show.  It was too short but it was good.  The show took place in an abandoned school in the middle of Portland.  What does Portland do with old, empty schools?  They start serving drinks!  I've never really been into the art scene but I did enjoy this Time-Based Art exhibit.  Besides the show, they did a light show on the outside of the building and had several art exhibits instead.  Being at a music show at an abandoned building with drinks being served reminded me a little of the Kopi in Europe.  It was cool that it happened in my town.  Now if I could just get better schooled in local music, maybe I'd appreciate it even more.

the benefits of intimacy

I think that, too often, we measure life incorrectly. We determine ahead of time how an event, a story, an action, a day is supposed to go and then when it doesn't live up to those expectations, we consider it a failure.

It's an overused phrase but life is indeed what happens when we're busy making plans...and assumptions and expectations. Events and evenings can be written off as loss just because they didn't go according to plan. If everything went according to plan, it'd all be painfully predictable and monotonous. It's nice if things work out for us but it doesn't have to a total loss just because they don't.

Tonight, we had a benefit for our friends Sara and Dan. Sara used to work with Ashes and I until she, her husband Dan and their daughter moved to the heart of the Huskers, Lincoln, Nebraska. You can take the people out of Portland but you can't take Portland out of the people so, despite their new surroundings, Dan and Sara continued bicycling.

One evening, a drunken cyclist who was moving quickly without a headlamp in the dark collided head on with Dan. Dan's face smashed into the handlebars and he broke every bone in his face. He was hospitalized and had almost his entire blood supply tranfused.

Luckily, Dan's medical insurance kicked in a few days before the accident. However, complete reconstructive surgery, hospital time and loss of work has added up and presented them with big financial troubles. So we did what we do and we held a benefit for them. We've all been working on this since we found out about the accident. We used Balam's space, Circadia which is coming along very beautifully. Our neighbor, who is someone of significance at Fat Tire donated two kegs when he heard that it was for bicyclists. We also had three awesome bands drop everything to play a benefit for complete strangers to them and were spectacular in doing so!

The Goodbye Party, Naming Names and Lindsey Walker (pictured in that order above) were awesome. Each had a beautiful sound. One of them even cancelled a previously scheduled show just to play this benefit. I didn't know quite what to expect because I'm too used to punk shows but I and everyone I talked to that night was blown away by their music and energy.

What was initially disappointing was that not a lot of people showed up. We put out a LOT of publicity for this. I made a flyer, I put up flyers, we littered facebook, twitter and e-mail list serves with it. Sophia put it on biking blogs and yet, I think that I knew just about everyone there, aside from the bands. Still, I think that it was totally worth it.

Aside from time and energy, the benefit was not a loss at all. We could have made more money since we had all of the key ingredients there (beer, bands, a good space and even karaoke) but it didn't happen that way. Still we did make some money and I got to experience a great musical event in a rather intimate setting with several of my favorite friends and even some of my co-workers. I got to meet new people, smile, laugh, dance & sing and wear my pink fuzzy leopard print vest. :)

Even as anti-capitalists, I think that we sometimes judge value in monetary means. I left the show last night, thinking that it was a bust but then I had a good talk with a friend on the way home and realized the real value of the benefit. Yes, money may have been the main motivator and driving force for this benefit but nobody was in it just for the money. The bands didn't get paid, the space went into the event knowing they weren't going to make a lot of bank and the volunteers weren't looking for something to put on their resume. We all did it just because it should be done and it was. I don't have any regrets. In fact, I'd chalk this up as a wonderful success.

sandwich heaven

I love sandwiches and I've developed a taste for fake meat done well so I was very very impressed with DC Vegetarian. It was pure heaven.

When I first became vegetarian, I went strictly vegetarian, eating veggies, fruits and breads (ok, and some cheese) but completely cutting out the meats and meat substitutes. It was a while, maybe six months or so before I really started to delve into the fake meats, giving me enough time to forget how they really tasted.

I don't think that what I had today tasted like an attempt at meat. The steak and cheese sandwich didn't have the consistency of steak but it did have the flavor of absolute delight! A friend and I split sandwiches so I also had half of the chicken salad sandwich. This one probably did resemble chicken somewhat (but then again I'm not a very good judge) but it was also very very delicious. This is probably my favorite place for sandwiches in the world right now. I will be visiting my clients downtown more often just so I can go to this place!