weekend at the movies

I don't think I've ever gone to the theater this often, even when my friend was the manager of a theater. Yesterday, Andrew and I went to see Raid on the Rainbow Lounge, an independent documentary on the raid of a gay bar in Fort Worth, Texas in 2009 on the anniversary of the Stonewall Raid. We had met the director the day before at the showing of Gayby and he was happy to hear that we were talking about his film. It was well done and very thorough.

Then today we went to The Falls, a movie about two Mormons on their mission and coming to terms with the fact that they're gay. It was a good drama but I really loved the humorous parts of it. The director and a lot of the cast and crew were there as well since it was made in Portland.

It's really nice being able to see these movies and get in for free. I'm going to have to do something nice for Yvonne who got us the passes.

What else?
My new thing yesterday was eating at J & M. They didn't have much for vegan options but their vegetarian selection (and quality) was good. Plus I just loved the look of the place.

Today, my new thing was hauling a vacuum cleaner and my bike from Long Haus to my house in a car2go. It's good to know that in an emergency or bad weather this winter, I can opt for a car2go with my bike.

pdx lesbian & gay film fest '12

This evening, I went to the opening night of the Portland Lesbian and Gay Film Fest. It's always been of interest to me but never enough to get me there. Andrew's friend is a driving force behind the FF so she got us full-access passes. We went tonight to see Gayby, the movie about a gay guy who likes comic books who lives with a straight girl who does bikram yoga. It's a strangely familiar setting.

Anyway, the movie was HILARIOUS and then we went to the opening night party which was fabulous! We met the director of one of the films and a couple who is driving from Edmonton, Canada to Hondurus. They happened to stop through Portland tonight with a craving for a movie. They saw the marquee pictured above and they were welcomed with open arms. The whole party felt very classy but yet comfortable. I just probably shouldn't have had as much vodka as I did.

my day in court

I spent the morning in court for my internship as a learning experience. A client was in court and they wanted me to see what the trial would look like. I had the chance to see lawyers, witnesses, cross-examinations, pleas to the judge, and a settlement that left everyone satisfied. It was great!

saddling up once more

I haven't worn my bike hat since I crashed on Labor Day.

It's been so long since I've ridden my bike that it almost feels like a new thing. I've been running this week every direction to catch the bus (I'm soooooo tired of the bus) and it didn't really hurt my tailbone so I figured I could start riding again. It was a short ride but I felt great in doing it. I feel whole again.

What else?
My new thing was taking the HIPPA test at my internship today. It was silly but a nice set up for the test and a lot more educational as a course on information releases than I have ever had.

my professional placement

Earlier this year when I interviewed for my last internship, I was really nervous about the prospect of working in cubicle culture. The transitional house for homeless youth where I worked for my first internship was very relaxed as my current job can be. Today, I realized what I've been missing.

My internship is great! I'm so excited about it. Today, I went in with butterflies in my stomach and left with a song in my heart. It's a professional environment but the change from my current job is this place actually appears to be filled with professionals. It appears to be actually about making a difference instead of a dollar. Plus, my friend that got fired from my current job now works at my internship, just one floor above me. This is going to be awesome.

I met with the division's director today who's a cyclist. He was friendly and knowledgeable and easy to talk to for hours. Later on in the afternoon, I met with my supervisor who's also friendly and experienced in the job. She's got a lot for me to do but she seems willing to let me get my feet wet first before just throwing me in.

This year is going to be awesome after all. Yes, it will be busy and challenging but I think I've been missing having a good challenge lately. I think I'm up to it.

the beginning of the end

This is it.

I have 9 more months to go.

Today, I started my last year of higher education. I can't believe it's almost finished. I've got to not get ahead of myself and actually settle in this year and focus. I'd be lying if I wasn't tempted just to keep my head low, get the papers done and graduate so I can be done with it all. However, I'm not one for biting my tounge.

I had a new instructor today. He was my first white straight male instructor at PSU. I kind of enjoyed the fact that I was always taught by someone who wasn't a white straight male because that's the oppressive class but he recognized that today which was cool. I did call him out on his outdated teaching material (he had a evolutionary chart of theory which showed how it has evolved from 1970-1990 and then just stopped) but I'm willing to give him the benefit of a doubt. He has many years in practice so he's not all academic which is nice.

My main issue with the class is it appears that a large chunk of it is going to be family therapy. I don't want to be a therapist and I definitely don't want to be a family therapist. I'm hoping that's just my initial impression and it will be more varied as we move along.

Anyway, the above clip is a video that he used to start the class. I already have senior-itis. Starting the school year by showing what is essentially a commencement speech is not going to ground me any quicker. :)

by the power of gay skill

The diabetes walk is okay but the AIDS walk is fabulous! So many more people show up and dress up. A lot of costumed people were mythological beings, hence He-Man and She-Ra above! Too AWESOME!

Andrew came with me this year as well as some of my regular friends and co-workers. It was a small group of us in comparison to last year but I liked it more. Dean came again this year and did great!

Also, we went straight to Ashes' soccer game afterwards so Dean got to come there too. The game was fun and Dean got a lot of excitement today although he looks pooped in the picture above. It was great because I'm anticipating being really busy next week and really for the next 9 months as school starts again so I was thrilled to have a great weekend with friends and Dean.

happy fall!

What a beautiful fall day! I got up this morning for the Diabetes walk. My new thing was helping to recruit strangers to walk with us so we would have enough people to satisfy my work and the money they donate. We had a lot of people signed up but people aren't so great about showing up.

Later, Andrew and I took Dean to Mt Tabor and let him roam free-range while we played cards and drank wine. Afterwards, we went to Dove Vivi for awesome pizza but a LONG wait. Still, just an awesome day!

part of the recovery process

I'm feeling a bit better since my accident but I'm still hurting. I can't ride my bike due to my tailbone, I can't work-out due to my ribs (which I tried to do yesterday and failed miserably) and I can't really bend over because my back is so torqued. I figured I could fix the back thing by loosening the muscles around it and that meant a massage! :)

I didn't go back to my usual masseur, Jeffrey today because he's all the way up in NE Portland and I'm not biking. Instead, I decided to try Earth Body massage on Belmont. It was great and I think it did help my back some. This evening, it was easier to bend over to pick up Dean's poo so I must be a bit better. :)

What else?
Andrew and I met downtown to eat at Beau-Thai and then go see the swifts. It's a great date activity and it's free. For the first time, I saw hawks appear to try to grab the swifts. It's pretty awesome that so many people gather to see them every year here.

when it all falls apart

Today was rough.

I found out last Friday that the teacher that I was planning to take my next year's classes with had quit. This threw my plans into a small frenzy because I was taking the class at an inconvenient time just to take it with that teacher. Since she was no longer teaching that section, I dropped that section and tried to sign up for a different section. The computer told me I needed department approval.

Today, I called the PSU registration office to see what was wrong and they told me that they didn't have record of me as being a registered student at all. I said, "Well, you're sending me a bill!" They told me I had to go down there to talk to them in person. Since my plans had become messed up for next year, I thought about just saying screw in and drop out. However, I knew that I wouldn't actually do that. In person, I found out that I had signed a privacy agreement a while back which prohibited them from telling me or anyone else over the phone my registration status. So I got that taken care of.

Then, I went to register for the class and the registration office told me that the social work department had put a hold on these classes for some reason so I'd have to fill out a special registration slip. My new soon-to-be instructor wasn't there but the department director said he's send the instructor an e-mail to get me signed up.

Next I went to buy a book that PSU printed for the instructor. When the cashier went to rang me up, he said that my book didn't have a price and wasn't in the computer. He ended up telling me that the book shouldn't be on the shelves until a later quarter.

So, my day came down to this. I couldn't buy a book for a class I wasn't signed up for in a university that I wasn't actually attending.

After jumping through these hoops and going through this runaround, I found comfort in a small pick-me-up written on the front of a condom machine.

what relationships are made of

Andrew left town this past week for a vacation with his family in Montana. He got back on Friday and we hung out all this weekend, doing fun relationship things. On Saturday, we met for brunch at Circa 33. I had their special which was French Toast encrusted with Cap'n Crunch and filled with goat cheese and berry compote. Then, we went to the PSU Farmer's Market. I'm not sure if I've been there for the Saturday Market before. It's huge! We also stopped into Museum Grounds for coffee and tea.

Today, we went to Ken's Artisan Pizza for dinner and then Safety Not Guaranteed for a movie. It was a fabulous date movie. In fact, I'd say it was a fabulous date weekend. It's times like these where I'm truly grateful to have found a guy that I can be around so naturally and enjoyably.

getting back on that horse

While transferring buses for work, I stopped by my bike shop yesterday to see if my bike was done. They had originally told me it would be done on Saturday but I was in no hurry to pick it up so I figured it could wait. However, it felt weird to walk by the shop today and not at least stop in. They told me it was ready and started to get it for me but I hesitated and said I'd be back for it later. I didn't return for it that day.

Back in the fall of 1993, I rolled my parent's car. It was a jarring wreck for me and the first time I realized just what damage those big machines are capable of doing. Afterwards, it was months before I drove again. Around six months later, my aunt Jeanne was driving my cousins and me from my grandparent's old farm house to their new one. She pulled over on the side of the country road and told me I was going to drive. She didn't reason with me and she didn't ask, she just told me that this was enough and it was time that I drove again. I always appreciated that.

I felt like I needed that kind of push with my bike. It's only been a little over a week but I have noticed how I pause at cyclists now, wondering how they can be so care-free and if they know that their bike can turn on them and cause them great pain. However, I couldn't leave my bike at the shop forever and I knew that I wouldn't get back on it again for quite some time if I just didn't go for it, like jumping in the deep end of the pool. I just needed to ride again without putting too much weight into the situation.

Fortunately, I found it emotionally easy to do. Once I was back on, it felt so very natural...until my tailbone started to hurt. Physically, I'm not ready for it yet. I left work early today, putting my bike on the bus and heading to the pharmacy to refill my pain pill prescription (for the first time. I've never renewed a prescription.). I hated not being able to ride the bike to the doctor's office but at least I know that emotionally, I'm ready. I just wish my body would hurry and agree with my mind.

brian

 

Years ago, when I came out, I was faced with the task of telling (almost) everyone. As much as possible, I tried to gather people together to tell them so I wouldn't have to do it so many times. It's really nerve-racking. 

I tried to tell as many people in person as I could but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell Brian in person. Brian, on the far left in the picture above, was my roommate in college. I started hanging out with him and Nate (in the middle) my sophomore year. After the three of us graduated from McCook Community College, we went to the UNK where Brian and I roomed together in a variety of houses and apartments for the next four years. After that, he moved to Hastings and I stayed in Kearney. We kept in contact but we were on different paths.

When I moved to Portland, I would still talk to him here and there but it wasn't regular. When I came out to some other friends from Kearney in person, I came back to Portland and called him. I chit-chatted for a bit and then just said, "So, I'm gay." Now, I imagine it's a bit of a shock (although most people weren't that surprised) but Brian seemed speechless and then, he said, "So, do you wear women's clothing or something now?" At the time, I was a little offended that this was his understanding of gay men so I said no. However, I was wearing women's pants but not in a cross-dressing fashion. I just liked the way they fit better.  So I said, "Well, wait, I guess I am wearing women's pants." I don't know if this was too much to process for him or if he just didn't want to think about how he had just unknowingly lived for several years but I haven't heard from him since. I should say that Brian isn't a bigot at all. We had a mutual friend in college who was out and it was fine. I think I tried to call him shortly afterwards and was unsuccessful. I also sent him a letter, saying that I would like to hear from him and I never did.

It's always bothered me how he reacted and how I should have handled the situation better. He was on my mind last night because it was his birthday so I had a dream about him. In my dream, we were meeting at a restaurant. I was meeting Nate (who was totally fine with it and whom I still keep in contact with) and we found out Brian was there. His big brother (who is non-existent because Brian is the oldest in his family) was there and said that it would be okay for me to talk to Brian. We had a really good talk and he got to ask some questions, very much like I remembered Brian would have and I got the chance to explain why I hadn't told him earlier.  I woke up feeling refreshed and at ease like I finally had closure on the situation.

What else?

I knew I wanted to write this post and I knew that I wanted to use the above picture. I decided to break down and buy a scanner today. I got a Epson Perfection V500 after reading several good reviews on-line. I scanned in a lot of photos from McCook and then some from Hastings (the video store) and the Archway. It was nice looking through those old photos and sharing the memories with friends via facebook.

Yesterday, I also went to Andrew's to take care of his cat and climbed out onto the roof with her for my new thing. And I ate the BBQ sandwich at Eastside Deli. That's my new regular place.

net rippin'

Today I watched Ashes play with the soccer team the Net Rippers at Delta Park (my first time there) with Victory. Bastard also played but they were at the same time and the Net Rippers' game had seating. If my ribs and tailbone didn't hurt so bad, I think I would've gotten a lot more into it. It was still fun though and it was a nice lazy thing to do on a Sunday.