weekend at the movies

I don't think I've ever gone to the theater this often, even when my friend was the manager of a theater. Yesterday, Andrew and I went to see Raid on the Rainbow Lounge, an independent documentary on the raid of a gay bar in Fort Worth, Texas in 2009 on the anniversary of the Stonewall Raid. We had met the director the day before at the showing of Gayby and he was happy to hear that we were talking about his film. It was well done and very thorough.

Then today we went to The Falls, a movie about two Mormons on their mission and coming to terms with the fact that they're gay. It was a good drama but I really loved the humorous parts of it. The director and a lot of the cast and crew were there as well since it was made in Portland.

It's really nice being able to see these movies and get in for free. I'm going to have to do something nice for Yvonne who got us the passes.

What else?
My new thing yesterday was eating at J & M. They didn't have much for vegan options but their vegetarian selection (and quality) was good. Plus I just loved the look of the place.

Today, my new thing was hauling a vacuum cleaner and my bike from Long Haus to my house in a car2go. It's good to know that in an emergency or bad weather this winter, I can opt for a car2go with my bike.

pdx lesbian & gay film fest '12

This evening, I went to the opening night of the Portland Lesbian and Gay Film Fest. It's always been of interest to me but never enough to get me there. Andrew's friend is a driving force behind the FF so she got us full-access passes. We went tonight to see Gayby, the movie about a gay guy who likes comic books who lives with a straight girl who does bikram yoga. It's a strangely familiar setting.

Anyway, the movie was HILARIOUS and then we went to the opening night party which was fabulous! We met the director of one of the films and a couple who is driving from Edmonton, Canada to Hondurus. They happened to stop through Portland tonight with a craving for a movie. They saw the marquee pictured above and they were welcomed with open arms. The whole party felt very classy but yet comfortable. I just probably shouldn't have had as much vodka as I did.

my day in court

I spent the morning in court for my internship as a learning experience. A client was in court and they wanted me to see what the trial would look like. I had the chance to see lawyers, witnesses, cross-examinations, pleas to the judge, and a settlement that left everyone satisfied. It was great!

saddling up once more

I haven't worn my bike hat since I crashed on Labor Day.

It's been so long since I've ridden my bike that it almost feels like a new thing. I've been running this week every direction to catch the bus (I'm soooooo tired of the bus) and it didn't really hurt my tailbone so I figured I could start riding again. It was a short ride but I felt great in doing it. I feel whole again.

What else?
My new thing was taking the HIPPA test at my internship today. It was silly but a nice set up for the test and a lot more educational as a course on information releases than I have ever had.

my professional placement

Earlier this year when I interviewed for my last internship, I was really nervous about the prospect of working in cubicle culture. The transitional house for homeless youth where I worked for my first internship was very relaxed as my current job can be. Today, I realized what I've been missing.

My internship is great! I'm so excited about it. Today, I went in with butterflies in my stomach and left with a song in my heart. It's a professional environment but the change from my current job is this place actually appears to be filled with professionals. It appears to be actually about making a difference instead of a dollar. Plus, my friend that got fired from my current job now works at my internship, just one floor above me. This is going to be awesome.

I met with the division's director today who's a cyclist. He was friendly and knowledgeable and easy to talk to for hours. Later on in the afternoon, I met with my supervisor who's also friendly and experienced in the job. She's got a lot for me to do but she seems willing to let me get my feet wet first before just throwing me in.

This year is going to be awesome after all. Yes, it will be busy and challenging but I think I've been missing having a good challenge lately. I think I'm up to it.

the beginning of the end

This is it.

I have 9 more months to go.

Today, I started my last year of higher education. I can't believe it's almost finished. I've got to not get ahead of myself and actually settle in this year and focus. I'd be lying if I wasn't tempted just to keep my head low, get the papers done and graduate so I can be done with it all. However, I'm not one for biting my tounge.

I had a new instructor today. He was my first white straight male instructor at PSU. I kind of enjoyed the fact that I was always taught by someone who wasn't a white straight male because that's the oppressive class but he recognized that today which was cool. I did call him out on his outdated teaching material (he had a evolutionary chart of theory which showed how it has evolved from 1970-1990 and then just stopped) but I'm willing to give him the benefit of a doubt. He has many years in practice so he's not all academic which is nice.

My main issue with the class is it appears that a large chunk of it is going to be family therapy. I don't want to be a therapist and I definitely don't want to be a family therapist. I'm hoping that's just my initial impression and it will be more varied as we move along.

Anyway, the above clip is a video that he used to start the class. I already have senior-itis. Starting the school year by showing what is essentially a commencement speech is not going to ground me any quicker. :)

by the power of gay skill

The diabetes walk is okay but the AIDS walk is fabulous! So many more people show up and dress up. A lot of costumed people were mythological beings, hence He-Man and She-Ra above! Too AWESOME!

Andrew came with me this year as well as some of my regular friends and co-workers. It was a small group of us in comparison to last year but I liked it more. Dean came again this year and did great!

Also, we went straight to Ashes' soccer game afterwards so Dean got to come there too. The game was fun and Dean got a lot of excitement today although he looks pooped in the picture above. It was great because I'm anticipating being really busy next week and really for the next 9 months as school starts again so I was thrilled to have a great weekend with friends and Dean.

happy fall!

What a beautiful fall day! I got up this morning for the Diabetes walk. My new thing was helping to recruit strangers to walk with us so we would have enough people to satisfy my work and the money they donate. We had a lot of people signed up but people aren't so great about showing up.

Later, Andrew and I took Dean to Mt Tabor and let him roam free-range while we played cards and drank wine. Afterwards, we went to Dove Vivi for awesome pizza but a LONG wait. Still, just an awesome day!

part of the recovery process

I'm feeling a bit better since my accident but I'm still hurting. I can't ride my bike due to my tailbone, I can't work-out due to my ribs (which I tried to do yesterday and failed miserably) and I can't really bend over because my back is so torqued. I figured I could fix the back thing by loosening the muscles around it and that meant a massage! :)

I didn't go back to my usual masseur, Jeffrey today because he's all the way up in NE Portland and I'm not biking. Instead, I decided to try Earth Body massage on Belmont. It was great and I think it did help my back some. This evening, it was easier to bend over to pick up Dean's poo so I must be a bit better. :)

What else?
Andrew and I met downtown to eat at Beau-Thai and then go see the swifts. It's a great date activity and it's free. For the first time, I saw hawks appear to try to grab the swifts. It's pretty awesome that so many people gather to see them every year here.

when it all falls apart

Today was rough.

I found out last Friday that the teacher that I was planning to take my next year's classes with had quit. This threw my plans into a small frenzy because I was taking the class at an inconvenient time just to take it with that teacher. Since she was no longer teaching that section, I dropped that section and tried to sign up for a different section. The computer told me I needed department approval.

Today, I called the PSU registration office to see what was wrong and they told me that they didn't have record of me as being a registered student at all. I said, "Well, you're sending me a bill!" They told me I had to go down there to talk to them in person. Since my plans had become messed up for next year, I thought about just saying screw in and drop out. However, I knew that I wouldn't actually do that. In person, I found out that I had signed a privacy agreement a while back which prohibited them from telling me or anyone else over the phone my registration status. So I got that taken care of.

Then, I went to register for the class and the registration office told me that the social work department had put a hold on these classes for some reason so I'd have to fill out a special registration slip. My new soon-to-be instructor wasn't there but the department director said he's send the instructor an e-mail to get me signed up.

Next I went to buy a book that PSU printed for the instructor. When the cashier went to rang me up, he said that my book didn't have a price and wasn't in the computer. He ended up telling me that the book shouldn't be on the shelves until a later quarter.

So, my day came down to this. I couldn't buy a book for a class I wasn't signed up for in a university that I wasn't actually attending.

After jumping through these hoops and going through this runaround, I found comfort in a small pick-me-up written on the front of a condom machine.

what relationships are made of

Andrew left town this past week for a vacation with his family in Montana. He got back on Friday and we hung out all this weekend, doing fun relationship things. On Saturday, we met for brunch at Circa 33. I had their special which was French Toast encrusted with Cap'n Crunch and filled with goat cheese and berry compote. Then, we went to the PSU Farmer's Market. I'm not sure if I've been there for the Saturday Market before. It's huge! We also stopped into Museum Grounds for coffee and tea.

Today, we went to Ken's Artisan Pizza for dinner and then Safety Not Guaranteed for a movie. It was a fabulous date movie. In fact, I'd say it was a fabulous date weekend. It's times like these where I'm truly grateful to have found a guy that I can be around so naturally and enjoyably.

getting back on that horse

While transferring buses for work, I stopped by my bike shop yesterday to see if my bike was done. They had originally told me it would be done on Saturday but I was in no hurry to pick it up so I figured it could wait. However, it felt weird to walk by the shop today and not at least stop in. They told me it was ready and started to get it for me but I hesitated and said I'd be back for it later. I didn't return for it that day.

Back in the fall of 1993, I rolled my parent's car. It was a jarring wreck for me and the first time I realized just what damage those big machines are capable of doing. Afterwards, it was months before I drove again. Around six months later, my aunt Jeanne was driving my cousins and me from my grandparent's old farm house to their new one. She pulled over on the side of the country road and told me I was going to drive. She didn't reason with me and she didn't ask, she just told me that this was enough and it was time that I drove again. I always appreciated that.

I felt like I needed that kind of push with my bike. It's only been a little over a week but I have noticed how I pause at cyclists now, wondering how they can be so care-free and if they know that their bike can turn on them and cause them great pain. However, I couldn't leave my bike at the shop forever and I knew that I wouldn't get back on it again for quite some time if I just didn't go for it, like jumping in the deep end of the pool. I just needed to ride again without putting too much weight into the situation.

Fortunately, I found it emotionally easy to do. Once I was back on, it felt so very natural...until my tailbone started to hurt. Physically, I'm not ready for it yet. I left work early today, putting my bike on the bus and heading to the pharmacy to refill my pain pill prescription (for the first time. I've never renewed a prescription.). I hated not being able to ride the bike to the doctor's office but at least I know that emotionally, I'm ready. I just wish my body would hurry and agree with my mind.

brian

 

Years ago, when I came out, I was faced with the task of telling (almost) everyone. As much as possible, I tried to gather people together to tell them so I wouldn't have to do it so many times. It's really nerve-racking. 

I tried to tell as many people in person as I could but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to tell Brian in person. Brian, on the far left in the picture above, was my roommate in college. I started hanging out with him and Nate (in the middle) my sophomore year. After the three of us graduated from McCook Community College, we went to the UNK where Brian and I roomed together in a variety of houses and apartments for the next four years. After that, he moved to Hastings and I stayed in Kearney. We kept in contact but we were on different paths.

When I moved to Portland, I would still talk to him here and there but it wasn't regular. When I came out to some other friends from Kearney in person, I came back to Portland and called him. I chit-chatted for a bit and then just said, "So, I'm gay." Now, I imagine it's a bit of a shock (although most people weren't that surprised) but Brian seemed speechless and then, he said, "So, do you wear women's clothing or something now?" At the time, I was a little offended that this was his understanding of gay men so I said no. However, I was wearing women's pants but not in a cross-dressing fashion. I just liked the way they fit better.  So I said, "Well, wait, I guess I am wearing women's pants." I don't know if this was too much to process for him or if he just didn't want to think about how he had just unknowingly lived for several years but I haven't heard from him since. I should say that Brian isn't a bigot at all. We had a mutual friend in college who was out and it was fine. I think I tried to call him shortly afterwards and was unsuccessful. I also sent him a letter, saying that I would like to hear from him and I never did.

It's always bothered me how he reacted and how I should have handled the situation better. He was on my mind last night because it was his birthday so I had a dream about him. In my dream, we were meeting at a restaurant. I was meeting Nate (who was totally fine with it and whom I still keep in contact with) and we found out Brian was there. His big brother (who is non-existent because Brian is the oldest in his family) was there and said that it would be okay for me to talk to Brian. We had a really good talk and he got to ask some questions, very much like I remembered Brian would have and I got the chance to explain why I hadn't told him earlier.  I woke up feeling refreshed and at ease like I finally had closure on the situation.

What else?

I knew I wanted to write this post and I knew that I wanted to use the above picture. I decided to break down and buy a scanner today. I got a Epson Perfection V500 after reading several good reviews on-line. I scanned in a lot of photos from McCook and then some from Hastings (the video store) and the Archway. It was nice looking through those old photos and sharing the memories with friends via facebook.

Yesterday, I also went to Andrew's to take care of his cat and climbed out onto the roof with her for my new thing. And I ate the BBQ sandwich at Eastside Deli. That's my new regular place.

net rippin'

Today I watched Ashes play with the soccer team the Net Rippers at Delta Park (my first time there) with Victory. Bastard also played but they were at the same time and the Net Rippers' game had seating. If my ribs and tailbone didn't hurt so bad, I think I would've gotten a lot more into it. It was still fun though and it was a nice lazy thing to do on a Sunday.

a decade passed

A lot can happen in ten years. Ten years ago, I pulled into Portland with a carload of items and checked into the Economy Motel on Interstate Ave. I was unsure what I was going to do but I knew I was going to make it here even though I didn't have friends, family, a job, a house, money, or even my dog with me.

Now, I'm celebrating with my good friends outside of my home in the street with my dog. I love it when a plan comes together.

I can't say that I always knew that I would make it but I have to say that I was determined. There are many roads, many choices, many chances, and many instances of good fortune that have led me to where I'm at now. This is the reason that I don't believe in regret.If I had made some different choices along they way like coming out of the closet sooner or getting out of Nebraska sooner, my life would be a lot different and I wouldn't want that. I love everything about right now. Well, maybe I would have gone a little slower down that hill last Monday and not wrecked my bike but live and learn.

I'd like to think that I made more positive steps today. Not only did I have a handful of my good friends over to the house today to celebrate my 10 years in Portland but it was also our block party day. Over five years ago, I came to Sophia's first block party here. Last year, there really wasn't a party so I was excited to see that we were having one this year. Chad, one of the neighbors across the street was organizing it. There are two couples across the street who I had never really been introduced to before today but I recognize from seeing them around every single day. Today, I made some cookies for the party and went and introduced myself. I talked to Shannon and Casey for quite a while. I also talked to Matt from down the street and Robert who lives directly across from me. I love this neighborhood and I've only met the neighbors who border us before today. Now it feels more like a community. Now I can wave politely or greet my neighbors with some familiarity without there being this awkwardness of not having been properly introduced. Now, I feel more at home.

Also, Dean was quite at home laying in the middle of the street that was blocked off as long as his bed was there and people were sitting around him. He's so adorable.

What else?
Andrew and I headed to the Belmont Street Fair with Dean today and I bought a tshirt with the design below which I love. It's available at lonelydinosaur.com.

momos and masu

Today I met Andrew and Bastard downtown for happy hour at MoMos and then sushi and sake at Masu. It was my first time at both places. They were each decent places for drinks and food but they have distinct downtown vibes about them and I'm definitely a southeasterner.

What else?
I'm also a bus person. Since I've been injured and my bike's in the shop, I've been taking the bus and car2go. I thought taking the bus was just a common experience for anyone who lives in inner Portland but it's a very foreign concept to my co-worker Erin. She and I had to bus to Beaverton this afternoon for a training. It's just odd to see someone who expects the bus driver to give them change.

damage report

This week has primarily been me recovering from Monday's accident. On Tuesday, I went to the doctor to get some pain meds. I saw a new PA, Ms Sellers who took good care of me. She said I may have broken ribs but they couldn't really do anything about it anyway so there's no point in getting x-rays. This is the third instance in which I have broken at least one rib so I'm familiar with not getting x-rayed. They did x-ray my thumb though which was not broken. I got my pain-killers which is what I came for.

I didn't sleep at all on Monday night. I was in too much pain and when I did start to nod off, I would envision my bike tire skidding off the road or hitting a wall. It was terrifying and I absolutely hated it. Therefore, I was not only busted up but also sleep deprived and felt no shame about only working for two hours.

Today, I took my bike in to Seven Corners. Corey gave me an estimate of $160. I need bike insurance. I also tried a new med that the doc recommended.


I'm looking forward to feeling well again one day.

the wreck

 And things were going so well.

Andrew and I were on a long bike ride, heading towards the Canby Ferry. I found the route online but the route led us out of the way. I thought I was being smart by finding a road that cut out a lot of the excessive mileage. The road was SW Petes Mountain Road. We couldn't bike up it because it was just too steep and a little treacherous. Going down felt awesome for a while. I should have been a little more cautious when I saw the "Slow. 10MPH" curves. I looked for a second off to the countryside and thought, "This is gorgeous," and then thought "Oh shit, pay attention to the road." Right then, my back tire fishtailed to the left and my front tire went to the right and I flew off Superman style onto the side of the road.

It happened in a matter of seconds but it felt like 15 minutes or so to me. I hit the ground facedown with my hands and arms in front of me. Somehow my bike tumbled in front of me and crashed against the fence. I lifted up my head and saw the front bike tire pop and my bike collapse a little more. I looked down and saw a small puddle of blood in front of my face. I could see though so that was good. I could also move my fingers and toes and that was good too. I couldn't breathe easily though. Andrew biked up shortly afterwards as I had gotten ahead of him. My priority at that point was conveying to him that I was okay.

Some time later, a physical therapist biked up and was able to assess me. He determined that I was okay to roll over eventually and I knew that I wouldn't need to go to the hospital since nothing seemed to be broken except some ribs. I used my phone to pinpoint my location and I messaged that to Ashes, asking him to pick me up. I eventually and painfully stood up but I needed to not be laying in the dirt anymore.

Ashes came and picked me up and drove me home. Xbox stayed with me while I cleaned my wounds, offering to help but really was helping just by talking to me while I was doing it. Andrew ran out to get more medical supplies. My knees and elbows were the worst. I was worried about my face and head but I ended up with a small mark on the bridge of my nose and a half-inch cut on my forehead. Luckily, I was wearing my bike gloves which completely saved my wrists (and I was also wearing my helmet). The hydrogen peroxide stung a bit but I feel 100x better after I cleaning myself up.

My bike is screwed up pretty bad. My front tire is taco-ed and I think my back tire might also be a bit bent. Also, my pink bike bell was shattered. However, my new-ish solar-powered front light was unharmed. I'll be hurting tomorrow but I still plan on going to work because I have a lot to do. This wreck wasn't fun but it wasn't as bad as it could be. I'll be thrilled if this is the worst bike accident I ever have.

muddling aroung

 Three day weekends are the best because they allow for days like this. Looking at my blog, it's easy to discern my weekend schedule wherein my time is divided somewhat evenly between Dean, Andrew and my housework. I did housework today but then I set aside the second half of the day to doing nothing but hanging out with friends I don't hang out with often enough.

Justin, Jen (Miss Ample Snacks), and I got mojito fixing and snacks and made mojitos in the park. It was a nice chill time. Bastard, Jesse, Gail and Beth joined us later. It makes me wish that all weekends were three days long (or that I was unemployed).

What else?
I tackled the bathroom hard today. As I said on my twitter, It's me vs the bathroom today. May the odds be ever in my favor. #TheCleaningGames

it'll be anarchy

Andrew's going on vacation in a few weeks and I'm going to watch Maria while he's gone. I'd like to be able to hang out with her more but I have my own needy pet at home so I figured I could put those hands together by bringing Dean to Andrew's place to visit now while Andrew's still here. Dean likes cats that don't run from him or attack him and Maria luckily isn't one of either of those. She backed up into the attic and held the stairs by growling at him. Then she slowly creeped into the living room, making his roaming area smaller. Eventually, Dean just sat between Andrew and me. When he tried to get up, Maria would growl and he would sit back down. It reminded me of when Loki used to put Dean in a corner and they lived together successfully for 7 years. I'm not saying that Dean and Maria (and therefore Andrew and I) are going to live together anytime soon.

What else?
We went for a small bike ride down to Sellwood and biked around the Waverly neighborhood which is the oddest little gated community around. It's very suburban and fancy.