just too much

The pic above is of John Paul. He was one of my favorite guys at GW. Last summer, he was hit by the MAX train and was killed. I have many John-Paul-isms in my head and think of him quite frequently. Whenever someone says my name with a W instead of an R or whenever I hear the phrase, "baby boy", he's the first guy that come to mind. I was looking for a photo to illustrate my emotions right now and this one comes close because I'm feeling heartbreak.

Yesterday, I toured a facility, very much like the one that JP used to attend at GW but it was very nice and organized and I didn't have the baggage with it like I have at GW. I also found out that GW is no longer serving clients in their stores starting in January. This will have an impact on many people I know and care about and it makes me furious.

Then, today, there was another mass shooting. This one was at a facility like the one I toured and like the one that I used to work with JP at. Last I heard, 14 people were dead. It's awful when there are shootings anywhere but this was just so random. And it's killing me. I don't want to keep reading about these things. I don't want us as a society to see about these on our Facebook feeds, have a moment of silence, and then scroll past. I don't want prayers and I don't want people to move on. I want to not feel like this is a threat. I want to feel like this isn't commonplace. Fuck, I mean, our last major mass shooting in the US was just this last weekend at a Planned Parenthood. Goddamn it!

I'm just sickened and I don't know what else to say.